wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers 

It was all going so well for Andy Burnham. He wowed the Labour Conference with his speech, wandering the stage without an apparent teleprompt, promising more this and that and less of the other, as it were, and was very teary-eyed when speaking about his late father, whose funeral is today. The contrast with Woodentop Keir Starmer was stark. He can communicate. He is warm. He seems willing to take chances, and to say the unthinkable, like floating the idea that we might – at some point –  join the EU, or that taxes might have to rise to pay for more social care. And then he went and put his foot right in it…

Burnham was Mayor of Manchester, despite being a Scouser. And as Mayor of Manchester, he saw the city benefit from shedloads of money disbursed by the owner of Manchester City FC, Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed al-Nayan. And as Mayor of Manchester, it was Burnham’s job to encourage the Sheikh to disburse shedloads of money. And, of course, the kudos of Manchester City’s inexorable rise and rise reflected well upon the City of Manchester, and also upon the Mayor of Manchester. City won bloody everything, assisted by the fact that they could buy the best players at the most ridiculous salaries, not to mention the world’s best manager. Admittedly, the downside of that success was having to see those obnoxious oafs, the Gallagher Bros, cheering from the stands, but everything has its price. But the problem with snuggling up to dogs is that you end up with fleas. Manchester City has just been found guilty of 114 out of 115 charges of breaching the Premier League’s financial rules, disguising the source of money that flowed in from the UAE and committing every sort of financial trickery. The Club denies wrongdoing. Of course it does. It is going to appeal. Of course it is. M’Learned friends, paid the same amount as the budget of a small country, are gearing up for another massive payday and are ordering in the Krug online while on the phone to their financial advisers. The Club has to keep this for going as long as possible because it is inevitable that they will be docked so many points that they cannot win the Premier League again for a long, long time, even if they are allowed to stay in it. And even if their players want to stay.

Yesterday, Burnham, a life-long Everton supporter, suddenly decided to wade into the Manchester City debacle. He referred to the penalties imposed upon his own club in 2023 for financial jiggery-pokery, and said that he remembered people proclaining Everton guilty, although that was not fairly handled, a view he still holds. In other words, he seemed to imply that the case against Manchester City was not fairly handled, either. He said that he would be “really concerned to lose the Club’s owners”, having been “such a huge partner in the building of modern Manchester”. This all had horrible parallels with the Rancid Kumquat who, having been adjudicated guilty of fraudulent accounting himself (35 counts), now goes out of his way to excuse others convicted of fraud (as long as they are not Somali). And spending loads of money somewhere does not excuse breaches of financial rules.

Downing Street hit the reverse button faster than Steve McQueen in Bullitt. Within hours, it issued a statement that “the initial judgment is serious and there can’t be any suggestion that anyone is above the rules” and that Burnham had “stressed that it is an ongoing independent process…if wrongdoing is established, those responsible should face the appropriate consequences.”  If? Initial judgment? 

Let us be clear. It is not appropriate for the PM to wade into football disciplinary decisions, whether for his own Club, a Club in his former bailliwick or at all. Just as it was not appropriate for the Rancid Kumquat to barge in to FIFA disciplinary matters concerning the US World Cup team. You have got a new job, matey. You went to a lot of trouble to get it. Get on with it, and stop arselicking Emirati Sheikhs. 

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We start our review of the week’s ghastly garb at Paris Fashion Week, where we find model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (aka Mrs. Jason Statham) wearing Valentino. 

The lovely Rosie is more bronzed than the Benin bronzes, save for her breasts, which are (a) milky white and (b) on show with (c) much visible nipple activity. The slit on the skirt is worrying high but we will be spared an imminent Minge Moment because she is wearing panties. And we know that becuse we can see them. WTF is going to have to launch a new campaign called STOP THE SHEER!!!! Why is this even still happening?

And here is singer Rosalía emerging from the Paris Ritz  wearing ….this.

This appears to be a pinstripe skirt which morphs into a tutu, but frankly it looks more like one of those ridiculous hats you see on Ascot Ladies’ Day. More offensive is the fact that she has tucked her pilling cashmere cardigan into the skirt/tutu/hat thingy. Who tucks their cardigan into their skirt/tutu/hat thingy? Answer – no one. Ever.

Off we go to the Lucas Museum of Narrative Art in Los Angeles to encounter Filipino actor Manny Jacinto at the premiere of Forbidden Island, wearing Randolf Couture.

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum….. why has he got lacy cuffs around the end of his trousers, instead of his wrists, which is where lacy cuffs are usually to be located? Why is he wearing pointy chelsea boots?  AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT JACKET????? It is like a striped awning cut into a clown’s costume. Which, on any view, is apt.

And so to the Peacock Theater a few miles across Los Angeles, for the MTV Video Music Awards (VMAs). This is always a fruitful source of nonsense, and this week was absolutely no exception.  First up is actor and Real Housewife of Wherever, Lisa Rinna, wearing SEKS. Brace yourself….

Think Venus de Milo with fake tan and permanently swollen lips from dodgy collagen injections gone wrong.

Next is actor/singer Terrell Martin, wearing Romeo Hunte.

Ouch!!! Those trousers must be rubbing him raw. Plus he seems to have purchased them before he experienced a growth spurt, as the hems do not appear to be on speaking terms with his ankles. Call for the Canesten!!!!

Singer Bella Poarch was in this blog recently, looking ridiculous. Now she is back again, still looking ridiculous, this time wearing Dreaming Eli. 

Quite apart from the fact that she is in her undies, there is the puzzlling detail that she is wearing hip pads. Except they – like undies- are supposed to be worn under clothes, not as them. Dreaming WTF is dreaming of never having to see Bella in her undies ever again. A girl can only hope….

This is Aussie singer Troye Silvan, wearing Erdem.

OMG. He is getting a blowjob from a swan under his skirt. And no, you are not getting a picture.

And finally, meet British singer Meek, wearing a very fluffy confection.

Talking of sex with swans, if a shower puff was intimate with a cygnet, this is what their offspring would look like. What the straps on her legs are supposed to be, WTF cannot say, but they do not look comfortable and will probably damage her circulation.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your excellent suggestions for It’s Got to Go, (although there was no space for it this week), and your top comments as well. Let us meet again on Friday. Be good x