Hallo Readers,
On the face of it, you know that something has to be seriously out of kilter when the President of the United States, purportedly the Leader of the Western World, makes nice with Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un, sides with Russia against Ukraine and starts a trade war against Canada. Canada! How the hell can anyone be at war with Canada? It is like kicking the friendly puppy in the neighbouring garden. Answer– the Rancid Kumquat can be at war with Canada because he is a moron. There are various explanations why talks on trades and tariffs between the US and Canada broke down, but WTF is more inclined to believe Mark Carney than the Rancid Kumquat, or indeed anyone in his cabinet of arse-lickers, idiots and liars. Carney’s explanation is that the US failed to understand that under the Canadian constitution, people are allowed to speak French and to view French television programmes on cable and elsewhere. Meanwhile, we are back to the puerile insults lobbed from Washington DC towards Ottawa and Toronto, the stupid jibes about Canada being the 51st state and Carney being the Governor, not the Prime Minister. It seems that even after two cosy visits between Washington and Windsor, the Rancid Kumquat has failed to grasp that the Canadian Head of State is his“dear friend’ King Charles. Yesterday, in a move that would have had Machiavelli drooling, he announced that Lake Ontario would henceforth be called Lake America. That must have put the fear of God into those Canucks. It is a wonder that the country is still standing.
Admittedly, it is hard to keep up with what is, and what is not, or what might soon be, or what might soon not be, American territory. Readers will recall that last year Greenland was destined to become the 51st state, an invitation which it fervently rejected. More recently, the Rancid Kumquat suggested that the Strait Of Hormuz would become American territory. That is fighting talk from a man who cannot even keep the bloody thing open to shipping, and who has no more idea how to end his stupid war than he does of the inner workings of a combustion engine or the plays of William Shakespeare. Like the hopeless husband who starts work converting the garage into a man pad, only to lose interest when he finds out that he has not got planning permission and that tinkering with wiring is dangerous, the Rancid Kumquat’s political adventures abroad have all gone off at half cock and are unfinished. Iran. Gaza and the so-called peace plan. The acquisition of Greenland. Putting an end to the war in Ukraine. Imposing massive and, as it turned out, unlawful, tariffs on all his trading partners. Were you minded to award him any sort of a star for his homework, he does appear to have stolen an awful lot of Venezuelan oil, although his administration is having some difficulty in explaining exactly where the proceeds have gone. Although WTF, and anyone with three working brain cells, could probably have a good guess.
Still, he got one thing right this week. He ordered that flags should fly at half-mast (or half-staff as they say over there) in honour of the wondrous Dolly Parton, who died this week aged 80. But even then, he could not help himself from making it all about him. In an interview on Wednesday, he claimed that although he had not known her very well, he knew that “she really, really liked him”. Even the MAGAT interviewer could not restrain his laughter.
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We start our review of the week’s outrageous outfits back at Televerse and brilliant young actor Isa Briones from The Pitt, wearing vintage Roberto Cavalli.
If a brown paper package tied up with string (as Fraülein Maria was singing about to the von Trapp kiddies on her first night in the Schloss) went to a fancy dress party as a tango dancer in a shit coloured dress two sizes too small, this is what it would look like.
Here is actor Isla Fisher in New York, wearing who can say what?
What is this lunacy about wearing leather in high summer? Why not just pop your legs onto the BBQ and be done with it? And why is she dressed as Just William?
Still in New York, we are at Flushing Meadow for the pre-US Open games, where we find Belarusian tennis player Aryna Sabalenka wearing a mesh tennis dress by Nike, yours for only £89. Presumably the rest of the kit is also by Nike.
So Nike already makes this mesh kit bag, yours for only £28. Why not buy that and cut holes in the top and bottom – it is the same effect with a saving of £60.
We are in London for the premiere of Practical Magic starring Nicole Kidman, Sandra Bullock, Maisie Williams and Joey King. Here is Joey wearing Miu Miu.
There is dreamy. And there is daft and dumb. This dress left daft and dumb miles back down the road, and is currently located at dipshit. Think Millais’s Ophelia floating in the river with her logoed undies on full view…..
This is actor Meadow Walker in Los Angeles at the Fast & Furious 5th Anniversary party wearing trousers by Bottega Veneta.
You know when Jacob tricked his nearly blind father Isaac into believing he (Jacob) was his brother Esau, who was awfully hairy (Esau means hairy in Hebrew) by putting on a goat’s skin? “So Jacob came near to Isaac his father. Isaac touched him and said, “Your voice sounds like Jacob’s voice, but your hands are hairy like the hands of Esau.” Isaac did not know it was Jacob, because his hands were hairy like Esau’s hands, so Isaac blessed him”. You can check it out in Genesis 27. Anyway, this is what these trousers look like.
OK, Readers, I need you to put on your big boy or big girl pants (according to your predelictions) and be very brave because this is very, very bad. And WTF means bad as in BAD!!!!!
And here is another warning with go with the first warning…..
Meet Playboy covergirl Elizabeth Marie Chevalier out and about wearing something short and spangly…..
Other than her limbs, Elizabeth does not seem to have many original bodyparts remaining. Not so much interference with the workings of nature as a 100% takeover, like the Rancid Kumquat with the John F Kennedy Center. Those are the most improbable tits WTF has seen for years, and Elizabeth is a strong contender for the Mitchell Brothers Award 2026. In fact, they might as well start building the podium right now. But could she even climb up the podium in those shoes and that tiny top with its built-in Fanny Frond?
This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Susan from Hong Kong who was horrified by these Chanel “shoes” worn by actor Margaret Qualley with a rather pretty black Chanel gown. As you can see, these started off as shoes but then the cobbler was called away to an emergency, leaving only the heel support.
Susan is unimpressed. First of all, she points out that most pavements are filthy, thereby exposing horrified onlookers to your dirty footsies. (WTF would add that it gives the expression baring your sole a whole new meaning). Second, whatever Chanel intend to charge punters for this nonsense, Susan takes the view that it should halve the amount, seeing as they are only getting half a shoe. She’s right. It’s Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your excellent suggestions for It’s Got to Go, and do not stint on the comments either. Let us meet again on Friday 4 September. Be good x
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