wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

One of the big winners at the BAFTAs this week was a film called I Swear, the true story of John Davidson, a British man who has Tourette Syndrome. The NHS website describes the condition thus: ‘The main symptom of Tourette syndrome is tics. Tics can involve repetitive sounds (vocal tics) or movements (motor tics) you do not choose to make and cannot control’. One of those involuntary tics, albeit quite rare, is swearing. I Swear tells Davidson’s story, including the fact that he swears a lot involuntarily, which led to his being violently beaten at school by his headmaster, and his offending many people with whom he came into contact. You might think that the clue is in the film’s title. I Swear has been a big success, nationally and internationally, and young actor Robert Aramayo won both the BAFTA for Best Actor, beating Leonardo di Caprio and Timothée Chalamet, and the BAFTA for Rising Star.

So it should have been hardly surprising that Davidson, who was in the BAFTA audience, let forth when two black stars, Michael B Jordan and Delroy Lindo, were on the stage presenting the BAFTA for Best Special Effects. Unfortunately, the word uttered was the N Word. Jordan and Lindo looked shocked, but gamely carried on, while a mortified Davidson was escorted out of the auditorium and into a Green Room. Later, the compère, Alan Cumming, explained that what had been said was involuntary, and apologised if anyone had been offended. If??? Did Cumming think that there was some sort of Socratic debate to be had as to whether Jordan, Lindo and every other person of  colour in the room, had been offended? Anyway, it got worse. First, the BBC, which seems to be on a suicide mission to get itself defunded, failed to edit out the N Word from the broadcast, which went out two hours later. The BBC claims that the engineer in charge had not heard it. This was surprising, but even if he had not, given the fact that Cumming had apologised, which was broadcast, a simple enquiry as to what Cumming was apologising for might have been useful. Second, it seems that Davidson was seated right next to a microphone, which, on any view, was foolish – unless someone, somewhere, had hoped that he might in fact let loose and prompt a story? And third, other black actors, like Jamie Foxx, were extremely offended and said so, loudly; someone resigned from the BAFTA Committee in protest; and loads of other black actors and writers are Tweeting and Blueskying and Facebooking and Instagramming that they are furious, and disgusted, and how could this have happened? Presenters on phone-in shows, who should have known better – yes, you, Nick Ferrari on LBC – grabbed their chance to kick the BBC in the bollocks, and asked pathetic questions like ‘but why shout something offensive when they could shout something else’? BECAUSE THEY HAVE TOURETTE SYNDROME, YOU RIDICULOUS LUMP. Sufferers do not shout out ‘sausages’, like those talking dogs you see on social media. That is the problem. No one chooses to have Tourette Syndrome. That is why they made a bloody film about it.  You might think that someone with a protected characteristic – colour and race – would have some sympathy, or at least some understanding, for someone with another protected characteristic – disability. But you would be wrong. Yes, they could have excluded Davidson from the ceremony, thus reinforcing the disability discrimination which he has experienced his whole life, even while celebrating the movie of the film about the disability discrimination which he has experienced his whole life. Go figure.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial stupidity at Tropfest in Sydney, with actor Margot Robbie wearing Chanel.

Oh, FFS! Can we please stop it with the sheer? IT IS SO BORING….

Now we are at London Fashion Week, where we encounter rapper Bree Runway, wearing Ukranian designer Maria Popova.

Last week we had bitsflasher Bianca Censori flashing her arse cheeks in sheer lavender tights. This week, we have Bree looking like a pantomime boy in a jacket, boots and tights with a reinforced gusset. All she needs is a cat and a kerchief and she could play Dick Whittington. Or perhaps the cat had been skinned and turned into the jacket.

We are in Hollywood at the Premiere of The Bluff, airing on Amazon Prime, and here is one of its stars, actor Priyanka Chopra Jonas, wearing Dior.

The film is apparently about a retired female pirate, set in the days of yore, and starring Priyanka as the aforementioned female retired pirate. In fact, there were some real famous female pirates, like Anne Bonny, who wore breeches but had her tits out. It probably distracted the prey. Or something. Be that as it may, there is an element of cosplay here, but either go big, like Anne, or go home. In Priyanka’s case, preferably the latter. 

Now we are at the BAFTA Awards in London, the UK equivalent of the Oscars. Meet actor Odessa A’Zion (nominated for Marty Supreme), also wearing Dior.

More bloody sheer. This one is even worse than Margot’s effort because it is both shapeless and because it has a shiny labial ribbon, like a giraffe’s tongue lapping her ladyparts.

And yet another effort from Dior, this time on actor Archie Madekwe, who was nominated for the Rising Star Award.

What the fuck is that ruff? What does it have to do with the price of fish? Has Jonathan Anderson of Dior been looking at Tintoretto paintings? And while we are on the topic, what are those things hanging from his waist, like tsitsits on a Hasidic Jew?

Also there was K-Pop singer, Audrey Nuna, wearing Thom Browne.

It is weirdly wonderful, but it is also absolutely bonkers. She looks as if she is standing in an doggie-decorated umbrella….   

The last one from the BAFTAs. This is fashion designer Pegah Pourmand (what do you mean, who?), wearing her own brand, La Pearlin. At least there is no one else to blame for this flamingo fiasco.

Jessica Rabbit lives….. Extra minus points for the the fake tan, which stops at her ankles, like footless tights.

Finally, we are at the Irish Film and Television (IFTA) Awards in Dublin, where we have the misfortune to happen upon actor Lola Petticrew, wearing Simone Rocha,

She has a doggie harness as a nipple cover, which is not its primary purpose. An alternative way of doing this, Simone Rocha, would have been to have extended the top so as to cover the said nipples and lose the harness altogether. And lose the pockets on the puffy panties, which are as much use as tits on a fish. Especially as she has a (stupid) handbag.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Ben from Bromley, who was aghast at the sight of former Prime Minister Boris Johnson popping back onto our television screens last Sunday morning to talk about the fourth anniversary of the invasion of Ukraine. 

The hair has long travelled past affectation and had landed squarely at insanity. He looks like a podgy Pomeranian pooch. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in comments and your suggestions for It’s Got to Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x