wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

WTF has been in the US for the last 10 days on business, and, as you can imagine, she has been glued to CNN and MS Now. And of course to the BBC website and BBC Sounds. Now that the US has got over the various distractions of Venezuela, Greenland and the Super Bowl, everyone is back focusing on the Epstein files, and there is plenty to focus upon; for example, that the President’s name appears in the file hundreds of thousands of times, including lurid allegations by very young women that he raped them. Despite this, he says that he has been completely exonerated. In other news, the secretary for commerce, the oleaginous Howard Lutnick, who had previously told anyone who would listen that although he had lived next door to Epstein in New York City, he had had nothing to do with him since 2005, is now revealed to have been in contact with him even after he was convicted in 2008; what is more, he actually visited the infamous Epstein Island for lunch in 2012 WITH HIS CHILDREN! As any caring father would. Other members of the Cabinet also seem to have been keen to fraternise with Epstein, not to mention captains of industry and the occasional dodgy sheikh. But no one has resigned. No one admits to any wrongdoing or even to an error of judgement.

On American TV shows, there has been much discussion about why, in contrast, the UK has seen various heads roll, including the King’s own brother, the hapless Morgan McSweeney, and the Head of the Cabinet Office. At which point, WTF yelled at the television ‘because we’re more decent’.  It is certainly the case that the Brits take an exceedingly dim view of paedophile offences and paedophile offenders; and they are more inclined to insist upon some sort of retribution. But should we really congratulate ourselves? It took a very long time for the man formerly known as Prince to be driven from public life, not to mention his grace-and-favour zillion-bedroom mansion in which he resided. McSweeney hung on by his fingertips for several days before doing the honourable thing, and will probably be rewarded with a knighthood or a peerage. And then, there is the matter of the Prime Minister’s mate who was given a peerage last year, despite his known associations with another sex offender. Admittedly, it is not difficult to display higher moral standards than those shown across the Atlantic. But it has been, as usual, too little, too late.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial slurry in New York City with American model and Love Island contestant Olandria Carthen wearing St Laurent at a YSL make up event.

Bat tits! And worse, mega-squished bat tits. Ouch! There is tit-overflow in all directions. Heaven knows what her tits looked like when she managed to prise that dress off……

We now go to San Francisco, where there were numerous Super Bowl parties being thrown, including this one featuring singer Ashanti, wearing who can say what.

Ashanti is WTF’s avatar and it is nice to see her back in public view, showing her customary lack of taste, and looking for all the world like Marlon Brando’s pudgy sister in The Wild One. Those shorts can best be described as snug.

Also present was rapper Cardi B.

WTF would love to explain to you why Cardi is dressed as a cartoon Friesian cow. But she is unable to do so because she simply does not know. Or why anybody whose mind was even vaguely functioning would choose to go out dressed like this. It is excessively labial.

We go south now to Los Angeles and an Oscars nominee event, where we come across actor Reese Feldman wearing Dior.

Sorry, but what the actual fuck? That necktie makes him look like an extra from David Copperfield, while the jeans seem to have acquired much additional fabric to deal with a second arse. As for the bag, WTF prefers not to speak of it.

Still in Los Angeles, we pop into the Directors’ Guild Awards and discover actor Rhea Seehorn wearing Loewe.

WTF was hitherto unaware that deflated water wings were now a bona fide fashion accessory. But Rhea and Loewe appear to think otherwise. WTF is still mentally scarred by the incident when she was about eight and splashing about happily in Lake Como when her water wings burst. WTF pere instructed her to stay where she could feel the bottom, but sadly the floor of the lake dipped suddenly and WTF disappeared under the water, necessitating her father to rush in and rescue her. And if that is not Freudian, WTF does not know what is. Suffice it to say that water wings are not WTF’s favourite sight.

Finally, we are now in London for the premiere of the ludicrous new version of Wuthering Heights, which the director seems to have turned into a Yorkshire fuck fest. Here is the star, Margot Robbie, wearing Dilara Findikoglu.

Yes, it is all very ethereal and pre-Raphaelite and everything, like a floating, moss-bedecked Ophelia, but it is also putting horrified onlookers in fear of an imminent minge moment.

This week’s it’s got to go comes from everybody with functioning eyeballs who witnessed the disgraceful display by US Attorney General, bilious bitch Pam Bondi, when she purportedly gave evidence to the House Judicial Oversight Committee on Wednesday. She was there to explain what the Department of Justice was doing about the Epstein files, why it was prosecuting senators and CongressPersons for  Sedition, and what, if anything, it was doing about crazed ICE Agents running around shooting people in Minnesota. Except that she did not do any of that. Instead she screeched like a banshee, lobbed insults at her questioners like a spiteful schoolgirl, and, at one point, thought that it was a reasonable response in a judicial oversight hearing to ask why people were not praising the US president for the fact that the Dow Jones index was over 500 points. except that she said dollars not points, and seemed to be put out when she was laughed at in consequence.

The worst part was that although she made her opening statement trumpeting her commitment to fight for abused women, she did not even bother to turn round and look at those Epstein Victims sitting behind her. In any civilised society, she would be run out of town and disbarred. But of course, she remains in office with the Rancid Kumquat calling her performance ‘Brilliant’. The woman does not have a single redeeming feature and she’s got to go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in comments and your suggestions for It’s Got to Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x