wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

It is, admittedly, hard to keep count but in the brief period since his election, the President of the United States has announced that he intends to take over Greenland.  And Gaza. And Ganada. And the Panama Ganal. It must have an G. And when he is done with that, perhaps he will turn his attention to Great Britain. In 2018, after visting the late Queen, he told a crowd in Pennsylvania that ‘I have great respect for the UK – the United Kingdom. Great respect. People call it “Britain”, they call it “Great Britain”. They used to call it “England”, different parts.’ And in 2020, he appeared to think that the Republic of Ireland was part of the UK. Who knows where he thinks Northern Ireland is, or to whom it belongs. Not that ownership seems to matter much. Anyway, if he takes over Great Britain, leaving Northern Ireland to its own devices, we need never worry about tariffs because we will be the 51st state. Or the 52nd behind Ganada. Or the 53rd behind Ganada and Greenland. Or the 54th behind Ganada, Greenland and Gaza, that beautiful Riviera full of casinos and gaudy hotels and golf courses and senior citizens in pastels eating early bird dinners in restaurants, all built by associates of the President, like his son-in-law Jared Kushner and members of Mar A Lago. Of course, we have our own Riviera on the South West Coast, although the weather is a bit iffy. Sadly, Prince Charles and the rest of the Royals would have to go, what with America being a republic, but Buckingham Palace could become the Governor’s Residence, inhabited by Nigel Farage. We could all eat chlorinated chicken to our hearts’ content, although not our stomachs’. Meanwhile, all those windmills will come down, as according to the President they give you cancer, but we could reopen all the coal mines, frack away and drill, baby, drill for oil and anything else that buggers up the environment. No one would have to worry about Diversity, Equity and Inclusion, because there would no longer be any, and we need not worry that female, black, gay psychopaths with dwarfism are controlling the skies. You would have to go to Europe to get an abortion, and face prosecution on your return, but hey, freedom has its price, right? The Nelson Mandela of the 2020s, Tommy Robinson, will probably be made Home Secretary. Elon Musk will be given unlimited access to your personal data. And – the cherry on the cake – we could all go around armed to the teeth with AK47s and exercise our newly-found inalienable right to shoot kiddies in schools and total strangers in supermarkets. What a time it will be! What joy will it be to be alive! Start learning the Star Spangled Banner. It’s a great tune, but very hard to sing unless you are a trained soprano.

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Our review of the week’s woeful wear is all from the Grammys. WTF considered whether to include Bianca Censori’s minge and arse but decided against it for a number of reasons. First, there is a strong suspicion that she is being coerced by her madman of a husband. Second, and even if she isn’t, we have all seen her all and we do not need to see it again. And third, the terribly-dressed women were all just flashing their bits to a greater or lesser extent, whereas the terribly-dressed men were all terrible in a variety of ways, and so this is an ALL-MALE edition with not a vulva or a bumcheek in sight. We start with singer Yusuf Malik and his young daughter Ashirah (who looks as cute as a button).

 

WTF has never been a fan of a brown suit (and notes that the shops are full of spring fashion trying to foist said brown upon us all as the new black – it never works) but her principal objection to this brown suit is the crotch. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THAT CROTCH????!!!!???? Call the Crotch Police!! It looks like a wet dog’s nose……

 

 

Rapper Rich the Kid wearing – WTF does not even know what this is.

Padded shoulders are also making a comeback but these are not shoulders – they are more like the overhanging eaves favoured in Japanese architecture. Note that he is standing with legs akimbo to try and balance out his silhouette, and failing.

And those trousers are truly tragic.

Singer Troye Sivan wearing Prada.

Each component of the outfit is horrid in its own way, but together they make Troye look like the Sugar Plum Fairy.

Singer Avery Wilson wearing Sevon Dejana.

The inspiration for this nonsense is clearly those flowery swimming caps worn in the 1950s. Add to this a tattooed chest, no shirt/teeshirt/other and tabi boots, at which WTF is in great indignation. Yurgle.

Singer Markos D with his plus 1…

Sigh.

Singer Teddy Swims wearing a most remarkable ensemble.

Not content with looking like a London Pearly King out of Mary Poppins, it turns out that Teddy has been accused by design house Windowsen of ripping off its couture design for Chinese artiste Silence Wang. It is said that Teddy had approached Windowsen for a collaboration and had been rejected. Teddy’s stylist, Christian Stroble, has since apologised to both Windowsen and the “broader fashion community” for the “likeness” ( i.e. dead ringer) of the outfits.  “I failed to triple-check the design in a manner that ensured it was distinct enough against all the references I supplied, which in the end mirrored too closely to your work.”  Yeah, right. Ok then. As for the shoes, are they peep toe or do they have gold bits on them? Either way, they are bad.

Celebrity son Jaden Smith wearing a Louis Vuitton suit and a thing on his head by ABODI Transylvania in collaboration with artist Szilveszter Makó.

WTF dislikes Jaden, who appears to take up valuable space which could be more usefully occupied by something or somebody else. But wearing Count Dracula’s castle as a hat is more than even WTF, universally known for the mildness of her disposition, can stand.

And finally, a distinguished former Summer Stinker winner, sound engineer Shawn Everett, wearing Adidas.

Shawn is wearing a red dish-dash with genitalia curtains, matching red tights and stupid hair, which he has finished off with what appear to be red veterinary gloves, the sort you use for sticking your arm up a cow’s arse.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF of Islington who has taken an instant but profound dislike to screechy-voiced motormouth Karoline Leavitt, Trump’s new Press Secretary, who made her debut this week. Like Trump’s last Press Secretary Kayleigh McMememy, Karoline, 27,  spells her name in a stupid way, has long blonde locks and sports a large crucifix, despite the fact that she is a bare-faced liar.

It might not have the best week to start, what with having to explain her boss’s unlawful stopping of funds to public organisations, his allowing Elon Musk to run rampage through and over Government departments and his expressed desire to take over the world (see above). But she did her best, being haughty, hectoring and dishonest. It was like listening to nails running down a blackboard. The worst bit is that she seems to believe this shit. She is awful.  It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep your tip top comments coming through and your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. And do follow me on @wtffashionshark.bsky.social. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x