wtffashionshark

Hallo readers, 

The American Presidential election is getting nearer. Trump and Biden have even agreed the dates for them to debate with the first one as early as June. Biden accepted Trump’s challenge to debate him “Anytime anywhere” in a video ending with the words “I hear you’re free on Wednesdays”, a reference to his rival’s hush money trial in New York and the fact that the court does not sit on Wednesdays. As it happens, this particular trial, the only one that Trump has not managed to delay by spurious legal appeals, does not seem to be going very well for the prosecution given that the star witnesses are a convicted perjurer and a porn actress, both of whom have given widely different versions of the story over the years. It seems to WTF that the entire trial is based upon a basic nonsense, namely that politicians do not tell lies and misrepresent their private life in order to get elected. Frankly, half of Washington DC would be banged up inside and nervous about going into the showers. As Trump is unlikely to give evidence, there may be a verdict within the next fortnight and the chances are that he will get off. We will return to this in the next few weeks.

Far more interesting is the endless parade of candidates bending themselves into pretzels to make the cut for consideration as Trump’s running mate. This involved a number of them turning up at the trial in Lower Manhattan, all dressed identically in Trump’s signature uniform of blue suit, white shirt and red tie and slagging off the judge, the witnesses, the charges and Joe Biden, whom they simultaneously portray as so senile that he does not know what is going on, and a criminal mastermind who has orchestrated their hero’s legal woes. It is also mandatory for any putative Vice President flatly to refuse to answer whether they would accept the results of the 2024 election in November, because if there is one thing that the man who hopes to swear to uphold the constitution of the USA on 20 January 2025 simply cannot abide, it is a running mate who might have some regard for the constitution. Meanwhile, one of the fancied favourites, Governor Kristi Noem of South Dakota, has blown it by deciding that it would be a good idea to write an autobiography in which she describes how some years ago, she shot her dog Cricket in the face and threw him in the gravel pit. And then shot a goat. Readers may think that this demonstrates not only a streak of psychopathic cruelty, which is somewhat unappetising, but also a horrible lack of judgement in thinking that the Americans would not mind a puppy killer as next in line to the presidency. Noem’s brain is clearly as full of plastic as her face. But be of good cheer Readers because there are still over a dozen, sycophantic, spineless, unprincipled horrors who can win the prize, provided that they continue to plant their tongue at Trump’s rear end whilst telling him how truly wonderful he is. Watch and weep.

We start our review of the week’s woeful wear with rapper Yung Miami out at an Asian fusion restaurant in New York.

This is certainly a fusion between no taste and bad taste with a leather snatch square masquerading as a skirt, like a perky craftsman’s apron with plenty of vaginal ventilation.

To London and the TV BAFTAs where we meet BBC Radio Women’s Hour presenter Anita Rani wearing Rebecca Vallance and Sole Bliss platforms. 

Yes she is in her mid-40’s and looks in great shape but that does not mean that it is necessary to let everything hang out. And even in mega heels, the dress is still pooling around her ankles and makes her look as if she is standing in her undies in a snowstorm.

Also there was comedian Jack Rooke wearing who knows what.

The thing around his neck is his late father’s London cabbie licence but the rest of the outfit truly sucks. Why would you go out and about wearing London bus seating? #Baffled

And now to the Cannes Film Festival where apparently it has been pissing down with rain.  However, that did not deter the crème de la crème from gathering on the Red Carpet, some of them looking extremely foolish such as Russian actor Elena Lenina wearing something frightful.

Elena’s schtick is to cavort around Cannes wearing some variant of a cottage loaf on her head, but she seems to have switched her bakery choices. If a concertina went to a fancy dress as a stack of donuts, this is what it would look like.

This is singer, model and actor Teyana Taylor wearing Roberto Cavalli.

More proof of one of WTF’S golden rules namely that if it looks shit on a model, it is probably is. Hate, hate, hate the striped minge and the whole thing is reminiscent of a tiger with its mouth open showing a half-eaten torso.

And this is “global fashion influencer” Rahi Chadda wearing Luar.

Oh come off it. Influencer? There is cutting edge and there is fucking ridiculous, and this left fucking ridiculous back at Heathrow Airport. What the hell is that jacket? It seems to have been designed for someone bigger and makes Rahi look like one of those headless horsemen in a suit of armour ….

And finally we have Swedish model and actor Viktoria Silvstedt wearing Ziad Nakad. Careful now…..

All together now. AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!! Draping a manky magician’s cloak around your leathery skin the colour of stewed tea and giving everyone an imminent minge moment does not count as fashion. Ziad Naked, more like. No one wants to see what is up there. No one. Just go away….

 This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who is fed up with shirtless men infesting the streets of cities the moment the temperature rises above 19 degrees. YOU ARE NOT ON THE BEACH, YOU TOTAL TOSSERS. But that is as nothing compared to the outrage of the citizens of Palma in Majorca when a pudgy tourist went shopping dressed in nothing but a pair of small and very tight green bathers (or, as our Aussie friends call them, prick-boasters). Here he is.

   Note that this is a proper shopping precinct. It is not a beachside cafe where he has gone for a Grolsch. His podgy person and bum crack are not only unappetising, they are offensive to the citizens of Spain who actually live in Palma. Yes, idiotic Aryan tourists, PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIVE THERE!!! No one wants to see your saggy arse, your tan lines and your sunburn. Learn some respect. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x