When you think of a car chase, you think of Steve McQueen in Bullitt pursuing some nasty looking types up and down the steep streets of San Francisco or Gene Hackman in The French Connection driving like a lunatic through Jamaica, Brooklyn while pursuing an overground train. Speed was definitely of the essence. But on Tuesday night, village idiot Prince Harry and his fragrant wife the Duchess of Sussex were supposedly involved in a similar episode on the streets of Manhattan. For two hours. Anybody who has ever been to Manhattan knows that traffic crawls along day and night and that if you manage to get up to 15 miles an hour, you have had a major result. But according to their spokesperson, ‘the Duke and Duchess of Sussex and Ms Ragland (Meghan’s mum) were involved in a near catastrophic car chase at the hands of a ring of highly aggressive paparazzi. This relentless pursuit, lasting over two hours, resulted in multiple near collisions involving other drivers on the road, pedestrians and two NYPD officers’. The statement invoked the sad end of Harry’s mother Princess Diana in 1997 in Paris when her car was chased by paparazzi and ended up crashing in a tunnel underneath le Pont D’Alma. That was a high speed chase with a drunk driver at the wheel. It did however seem rather unlikely for the same thing to have happened in Manhattan and the Mayor, formerly the city’s police chief, expressed surprise that a car chase could have lasted for two hours, although he accepted that the incident had been ‘challenging’. Subsequently the Sussex’s spokesperson said that it was a car chase but not a fast car chase, which is about as silly a concept as WTF ever did hear in her life. How can you have a slow car chase? It sounds like the London to Brighton vintage car rally. Like most things where that couple is concerned, there appears to have been a substantial degree of exaggeration. The taxi driver who drove them for a brief part of this episode accepted that his passengers had seemed scared but he himself had never felt in any danger. Which for a New York cab driver is saying quite a lot. And so here we are again with Harry playing the victim card, harkening back to the appalling death of his mother and generally straining our belief to the limits of credulity. Or should that be incredulity?
Look. Paparazzi is another word for scum. These guys are unregulated, unapologetic and unprincipled, flogging their tawdry wares to any newspaper that will cross their palm with silver. One set of villains flogging stuff which should not be flogged to other villains, and those villains flogging it to their readers in the name of news. In 1997, we all said that things had to change but they haven’t. And they won’t until newspapers stop buying this crap, which they won’t. And it is understandable why Harry was triggered by the incident in question. But by exaggerating and milking it for all that it is worth will unfortunately only exacerbate the paparazzi’s behaviour rather than stop it. And as for protecting his privacy… that stable door is well and truly open. Wide open.
We start our review of the week’s weird wear at the TV BAFTA Awards with Paul Young (the animator, not the singer or the chocolatier) wearing who can even say what this is?
Apart from the fact that the colour scheme is particularly bilious, WTF is bemused by the fact that Paul has come dressed as a bearded Jane Eyre. Yurgle. The singing Paul Young used to croon a song that went ‘Everytime you go away, you take a piece of me with you’. If only this Paul Young would go away. Far, far away….
Still at the BAFTAs, we meet talented actor Billie Piper wearing Richard Quinn.
Billie used to be married to right wing dimbo Laurence Fox but had the good sense to skedaddle. Something seems to have happened to her face, which is a shame, because she has a fabulous face, while birds seem to be nesting in her hair. As for the outfit, if a fibre optic lamp went to a fancy dress party as a tailor’s dummy, this is what it would look like.
And now we are at the premiere of The Little Mermaid where we encounter lovely English actor Simone Ashley, she of the second Bridgeton series, wearingVersace.
‘Cinderella, you shall go to the Ball’, said the fairy godmother. ‘Unfortunately, though, I cannot mend your frock as my wand isn’t working, due to the increasing price of electricity, so you’ll just have to go as you are’ .
Also there was actor Daveed Diggs wearing Amiri.
There is painterly. And there is what the actual fuck are you wearing? Guess which side of the line this falls? And what are those shoes?
Next up we have actor Sydney Sweeney at the premiere of her new movie, Reality, wearing Schiaparelli.
Oh dear. It is never going to end, is it? Bared bellybutton – check. Imminent Minge Moment – check. It is as if someone had wrapped her in gaffer tape and run out.
Now to the Academy of Country Music Awards and singer Lainey Wilson wearing one of the most horrible outfits WTF has seen in some time. The designer has failed to own up. Good call. If he/she/they had any conscience, he/she/they would have changed their name by deed poll and become a traffic warden. Ready?
Ooh, this is hideous. And more bilious green. When did bilious green become an actual thing? This is like a grasshopper with tits….
And finally, here is Jennifer Lopez, the new Mrs Ben Afleck, wearing Valentino in New York City.
You might not think that this is possible but it is much worse from the rear.
All together now. AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!! Fresh from inflicting shocking pink upon our eyeballs all season, Valentino is now dressing Jen as a stuffed cuddly toy in a print stretched across her ample derrière with crinkled tights and matching shoesies.
This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Michael from Sydney who is rightly outraged by the revolting remarks made by former Australian Labor politician Mark Latham, now a member of looney-tunes right wing party One Nation, about Independent MP Alex Greenwich, who happens to be gay. Greenwich called Latham a ‘disgusting human being’ after Latham gave a speech in a Catholic Church while an LGBTQ+ group protesting outside were attacked by right wing thugs. Latham responded by tweeting this. WARNING – THIS IS HORRIBLE EVEN THOUGH IT HAS BEEN PARTIALLY REDACTED.
Latham took down the tweet and admitted the language was rather crude, winning the ‘No shit Sherlock’ prize for the 21st century, but then doubled down, saying that Greenwich has ‘a glass jaw’ and ‘I don’t regret saying that as a straight man, the thought of someone holding a gun to my head saying that I’ve got to have anal sex with another man, I do find that disgusting. That’s what makes me straight’. Mate – you are a disgusting human being, although the human being bit was too kind. You’ve Got to Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. They were mega-fab last week. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good .