wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

 Three weeks ago, a lady called Nicola Bulley, 45,  dropped her daughters at school and went for a walk with the family dog. She has not been seen since. Her phone was found on a bench near a local river and the dog was nearby but of Nicola there was no sign. Lancashire Police announced that they had a working hypothesis that she had fallen into the river and that she may well have been swept out to sea. Her family and friends, whose anguish must be appalling, clearly felt that Lancashire Police had leapt to conclusions and that they should consider other options. Twitter of course exploded with many nonsensical theories about what might have happened, Nicola’s partner Paul disputed the police’s view, and the general consensus of opinion appears to be that Lancashire Police could not find an elephant in a cupboard. Nicola was described as a loving mother who would never desert her children.

 Clearly stung by the criticism they were getting, Lancashire Police called a press conference on Wednesday to share the information that Nicola had a number of “vulnerabilities”,  and that she had “suffered with some significant issues with alcohol which were brought on by her ongoing struggles with the menopause [which had] resurfaced over recent months”. In other words, it was not Lancashire Police’s fault that it did not have a clue where Nicola was and that she had probably fallen into the river because she was either pissed or mental or both, what with the hot flushes and the sleepless nights and raging hormones and all. Various organisations and women MPs expressed surprise that such personal information had been made public, and quite rightly so. Half the population is female, all women go through the menopause and many women suffer badly as they go through it. It is physically uncomfortable, exhausting, often painful and can bring with it depression, memory loss and coming to terms with the fact that you are drying up and your womb has passed its sell-by date. Many women are far too embarrassed to tell their employers about their condition for fear of being seen as useless and a liability, and menopausal women are often a figure of fun. If Nicola was indeed struggling with the menopause, she was one of many. To use her condition and the problems it caused her, both mentally and physically, as a reason for not finding her was tactless, insensitive and appalling. It will do nothing to reassure women that they still matter, even if they are no longer able to bear children and are getting older; and it will do nothing to persuade women that their disappearance may not be taken seriously by the authorities. In the meantime, we can only pray that Nicola is alive and keep her family and friends in our thoughts.

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Our review of the week’s fashion fiascoes all come from the Brit Awards in London last Saturday where clothing crapulence was more plentiful than white marks around the nostril of some of the attendees. Not the ones pictured here of course…..let us start with singer Tallia Storm wearing a fluffy coat thing and bootees by Imi Studios with a Harti Swim Bikini.

Harti Swim is the brainchild of Tallia’s mum, Tessa Hartman, and makes swimwear recycled from plastic. Which is all well and good, but to be frank, the bikini probably looked better when it was a Diet Coke bottle and the coat looks like an exploding gonk.

Rapper KSI, wearing Heliot Emil.

The suit, minus shirt, makes him look as if he has parachuted into the arena, he has a carabina hook poking out of his pocket and WTF hates the zips around the ankles. But all this might have been overlooked had it not been for the purple washing up gloves. 

Singer Ellie Goulding, wearing Cameron Hancock.

This Amazonian breastplate stuff has to stop. Ellie’s version is particularly titsy and nippleacious with a protruding bellybutton for good measure and her trousers are too long. But at least if she goes goes arse over tit, the tits will be protected….

Swimmer and celebritee Tom Daley, wearing Georges Hobeika. 

For some reason, Tom has turned up dressed as Sailor Moon on the razz. Nothing goes with anything else, the trewsies are horribly creased and the last time WTF saw shoes like that, they were on Sister Sledge in 1974.

Here is actor Billie Piper wearing Roberto Cavalli.

If two legs of mutton wore an ill-fitting silk bra and a pair of tights, this is what they would look like. Meanwhile, Billie’s pose only goes to prove WTF’s golden rule that if you have to stand with your bag in front of your minge, there is something wrong with your outfit. And with you for wearing it.

Singer MNEK, wearing Dionne Reeves Bespoke and pink Doc Martens. 

Bespoke??? Really??? It does not fit and it does not flatter, not to mention that it clashes horribly with the pink sweater with its matching snood and the pink Doc Martens (although they are actually rather scrummy). He looks like a tin of Germolene out on the town.

Singers Rhian Teasdale and Hester Chambers from Wet Leg, wearing Diesel.

Deary me, they seems to have escaped from a Victorian flophouse……

Weirder than weird singer Ashnikko, wearing a collaboration between Vassu Vu and Hydra.

On her Instagram account, Ashnikko described the concoction  “as an ecosystem of interconnected infinite selves”. Oh. OK then. Whatever…. but to everyone else, she resembles a perambulating condom with particularly nasty pustules.

And finally, singer Sam Smith looking like a prat, wearing Harri.

Sam looks like a burnt spatchcock chicken and is giving WTF – and many others – mental and visual salmonella.

Meanwhile Sam is also this week’s It’s Got To Go at the urging of WTF aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh who retweeted Sam’s picture and got a shedload of abuse from some of her more religious followers as a result. Sorry about that, Yvonne. Anyway, she has had more than enough of Sam, of whom she says – He’s really got to go….drinking piss in his video last week and then wrapping himself like pork loin. Get rid of him pleeeeeeese!!!”. Then she referred to a picture of David Bowie in something similar.

Yvonne adds….”he’s not even original. Except Bowie had style and tried to be inclusive while this tub of lard has ;pissed off most women by talking about women’s hips”. She doesn’t seem to like him but WTF agrees that He’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than. anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.