Boris Johnson is saved for the nation! Of course he is – for now. Not overwhelmingly, but in the sneaky, scraping-through, abject, shambling sort of way that he gets through life – not gracious, not heroic, but it works for him. On Monday, 201 cowardly, self-preserving toadies gave him their support in a vote of confidence and although 40% of the Parliamentary Party voted to show him the door, he remains Prime Minister, insisting, as miscreants always do, that we should put all the bad stuff – his bad stuff -behind us and stride forward into the sunlit uplands of post-Brexit, post-COVID, cost-of-living-going-through-the-roof Britain. The 1922 committee had barely disassembled when the lies began to roll out like waves crashing on a beach. It had been a great victory for him, this bollocks peddled by the same people who had sneered at Theresa May only a few years earlier when she survived a similar vote of confidence with more votes than he received. A puce-faced army type called Adam Holloway MP, of whose existence WTF had been happily unaware, appeared on Newsnight to blame the BBC for its biased coverage and alleged that the producers had deliberately chosen pictures which made the Prime Minister look like a deranged axe murderer. Did we not know that Boris had done brilliantly during lockdown, but he had nearly died and that he had had a baby? And he had single-handedly kept Ukraine going. By Tuesday, the Daily Mail and others were busily blaming the national broadcaster for setting out to destroy that upstanding occupant of 10 Downing St. One headline read ‘From cocaine smears to Hannibal Lecter pictures, Boris Johnson never stood a chance thanks to the biased BBC and a political establishment determined to politically assassinate the Prime Minister who delivered Brexit’. WTF hardly knew whether to be more disgusted by the preposterous dishonesty of the journalist, a former editor of The Sun for God’s sake, or by the split infinitive. At this point the journalistic ethics of Pravda and Russia Today were looking good in comparison…..
Meanwhile it is full steam ahead, where new policies are released into the stratosphere like helium balloons floating as if at some fair. He had to do something to distract us from those members of his party who had given him the bird, not to mention those members of the public who had booed him on the steps of Saint Paul’s. On Thursday Johnson announced a new scheme to allow people to buy their homes using some sort of state benefits. When pressed for the details of this scheme, both Johnson and Therese Coffey, the Welfare Secretary, were somewhat short on specifics. No, they couldn’t give a number for how many people this would apply to. No, they did not have an agreement with any of the building societies or banks about mortgages. But it would be absolutely tops! And they are also working very hard on a new Bill to allow them to break the Northern Ireland Protocol on the grounds that it is jolly unfair and should never have been entered into, despite the fact that they were the ones who negotiated it, signed it, lauded it, and told us that it was oven ready. Oh and Deputy Prime Minister Dominic Raab is shortly to give us his Bill of Rights which will stop pesky left-wing lawyers in their tracks. As for minor concerns like heating, eating and finding a hundred quid to fill the car, there is no time for those trifling matters at the moment…. There are dead cats to be bounced all over Westminster.
We start our review of the week’s sartorial silliness with diva Diana Ross at the Queen’s Jubilee Concert wearing black and white. A lot of black and white…..
And here is actor Jack Black at an event in the US wearing more black and white. A lot of black and white.
WTF has no idea whether Jack and Diana know each other, but it seems a coincidence that they chose to appear in public in the same week both dressed as giant pandas.
Another badly dressed man, actor Jeff Goldblum, at the premiere of Jurassic Park Dominion, wearing Prada.
Those are truly terrible trousers, like a pair of badly-fitting pyjama bottoms. The jacket is fine but what is he wearing underneath it? It appears to be a Liquorice Allsorts wrapper. He looks like a game show host, and that is not a complement.
To the MTV awards in California where we find young actress Sydney Sweeney also wearing Prada.
Those of you who paid attention during religious studies classes will recall the story of Jacob and his hirsute brother Esau. Their father Isaac preferred Esau who was into hunting and such, where as Jacob was more of a mother’s boy. Rebekah, for it is she, encouraged Jacob to trick his father, who was old, ill and blind, into blessing him as the eldest. Jacob said “Behold, my brother Esau is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man. Perhaps my father will feel me, and I shall seem to be mocking him and bring a curse upon myself and not a blessing.” But Rebekah dressed him up in his brother’s clothes and “the skins of the young goats she put on his hands and on the smooth part of his neck”. Isaac was duly fooled. Young Sydney seems to have borrowed Rebekah’s hairy goatskin and worn it as a Minge Moment skirt.
And now we have actor and Instagram person Chasity Saunders wearing Pretty Little Thing. Brace yourself….
And lastly from the MTV Awards, meet comedian Meg Stalter wearing a vintage Jean Paul Gaultier corset over a slip dress. Warning. THIS IS BAD!
WTF speculated on whether the outfit was part of Meg’s act but concluded that it was not. She then wondered whether Meg was dressed as a Parisian floozie from a Toulouse Lautrec painting but dismissed that idea as well. Finally, she asked herself when she had last seen a worse outfit – and gave up.
She’s back! WTF speaks of singer Mary J Blige wearing Gaurav Gupta at the Time 100 Awards.
Mary appears to be drowning in a heart-shaped sea of snot. And no, you’re not getting a picture…..
Rounding it off, with the tackiness that only she can bring when she puts her mind to it, WTF gives you Jennifer Lopez wearing Tom Ford. Tom Ford!!!! O.M.G.
On seeing this picture of JLo, WTF, who is a battle-hardened veteran of exposure to tits and arse, emitted a squawk like an anxious patriot with serious anxiety issues, and kept on squawking, causing great alarm to her neighbours. No! NO! NO!!!!!!!!!! If Minnie Mouse went to a fancy dress party as a Minge Moment this is what she would look like…..
This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who was outraged by the abject policing of the Champions League in Paris last month, when innocent fans were pepper-sprayed and teargassed for no other reason than they were Scousers and the gendarmes were totally rubbish.
But she is even more outraged by the conduct of Paris Police Commissioner Didier Lallement, who had to admit yesterday that er, maybe the police had overreacted and that er, maybe there was not a mass ticket fraud and that er, “I am well aware that people of good faith were gassed, and I am totally sorry for that, but I repeat, there was no other way.” Actually, matey, there was. You could have done your fucking job properly. You’ve Got to Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep the comments coming, as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x