It’s here! The coveted title of the WTF Summer Stinker Poll 2021 is up for grabs with you, Readers, voting for the winner and, if you like, adding unpleasant comments to go with your votes. We will get back to that in a moment.
WTF is taking time off for the next couple of weeks, and she needs it because quite frankly she has had enough. The pandemic has been challenging enough, but it has been made infinitely worse by the selfishness and meanness of spirit in people that seems to have got worse over the past year, culminating in a generalised attitude of “fuck you” that pervades most ordinary daily activities. Here are a few examples that have driven WTF demented:
Item -electric scooters ON THE PAVEMENTS. Why? When did it become acceptable to whizz along pavements at 40 mph, forcing terrified citizens to dive sidewards as the rush of air hits their faces? If WTF had her way, she would throw every electric scooter into the Thames. And the people who ride them. They aren’t even supposed to ride them at all, let alone ride them on the bloody pavement. No helmets. No insurance. No manners. Bastards.
Item – Delivery people who knock loudly on the door and ring the bell and then knock louder and ring ever more insistently after only about ten seconds, a period in which even Usain Bolt would struggle to get to the door of a standard sized flat. Do they imagine that everyone is sitting on a chair in the hall on the off chance that the man from DHL might come to call? Bastards.
Item – Rude, hand-scrawled, messages sellotaped onto doors and windows of businesses, instructing the public not to come in unless they have an appointment, and even if they do have an appointment, warning them only to knock ONCE and then wait for an answer. There is now a pervasive can’t do attitude, so that the simple act of booking a dental appointment becomes a battle of wits between you and the relevant staff, who go out of their way to avoid you. WTF aficionado Ayesha from Tower Hamlets was reduced to phoning the receptionists of her dental surgery, whom she could see clearly through the glass windows and who persistently failed to answer her calls. Their phone rang incessantly and then cut off – on four tries. She was at least spared the tinnitus tinkle music, but only because of the noise of the main road behind her, as police cars sped by with their sirens blaring to break up local crack dens and buses cranked into action. Eventually, enraged, she ignored the prohibition on the handwritten paper and bashed hard both on the window and the door. A sullen young woman appeared, only for Ayesha to stick her foot into the door and demand satisfaction. The receptionist first accused her of having rung the wrong number (brave woman, but foolhardy -very foolhardy) and then said that she could not deal with her anyway because the surgery was shut between 1 and 2, at which point Ayesha pointed to the clock on the wall which said 12 55, adding that she had been standing there for fully five minutes. Eventually, she got her appointment BUT IT SHOULD NOT BE THAT HARD!!!!! The clue is in the word receptionist – you are supposed to receive people, not repel them. They truly are repellant. Bastards.
And whilst we are about it, Grant Shapps and your minions, leaving the public waiting for your announcement about red, green and amber countries for three hours with no apology or explanation is just bloody rude. Bastards.
So while WTF unwinds with a large drink in her hand, and a bit of Cornish sea air, you can be paying attention to the Summer Stinker Poll. There are 19 appalling fashion disasters for you to choose from. Just scroll down and vote for however many of them you like – none of that Single Transferable Vote malarkey. And you can vote as often as like. The results will be published on 16 July, when normal blog service resumes.
OFF YOU GO!!
1. Anastasia Karanikolaou, aka Stassie A, influencer.
As WTF aficionado Lottie remarked, imagine having to sit on a chair immediately after Stassie’s bare bum, thinly covered by fishnet tights and a arsecrack cover, has been on it. Yurgle.
2. Ashanti, singer.
WTF loves Ashanti, one of whose outfits is her avatar on Twitter. This one was well down to standard, like a dinosaur going to a strip club, and she forgot to put on her trousers. Meanwhile, those tits are very improbable.
3. Billie Eilish, singer.
Up until recently, Billie went about covered up from head to toe until she, like teenage Jihadi consort Shamina Begum, ditched the modesty and started putting it all on show. This weird ensemble made her look like a Ninja turtle and the trewsies were barely able to contain the snow boots. If one were obliged to look for a positive, it would be that she would never get lost in an avalanche, as you could spot the lime green from Space, never mind from a rescue helicopter.
4. Billy Porter, actor and singer.
Some readers are outraged at Billy’s admission to any of WTF’s blogs, let alone this one, on the grounds that he is a just a show off. But how can you leave this out? This was Pleats Please meets Joseph and His Coat of Many Colours, except that Joseph did not go out and about around Cairo perched on ridiculous white plastic sandals (yes, that white thing is a sandal, see Bretman Rock below) and carrying a handbag.
5. Bretman Rock, vlogger.
It’s those shoes again. They are made by Rick Owens, who should be thoroughly ashamed of himself, and they are fouler than a foul, foul thing, resembling a couple of plug-in air fresheners. He has a nice chest, but we did not need to see it, especially when paired with a pair of trousers that suggest a schizophrenic schlong.
6. Cardi B, rapper.
No, she wasn’t standing behind something in a funfair, this was an actual outfit. It was not just the lace-trimmed trompe-l’œil that was offensive, it was the fact that the trompe-l’œil looked like a burnt body in bikini bottoms. The sandals, however, were good.
7. Chanelle McCleary reality star.
The only positive comment you can make about Chanelle’s ensemble is that at least she had the decency to add a minge mask. Er, that’s it. And how does she get her tights on with those nails? Just. Go. Away.
8. Christine Quinn, TV reality star and estate agent.
Christine sprang to fame in Selling Sunset, a reality show about estate agents in Beverley Hills, and has since gone the way of all reality stars, wandering the streets in ridiculous onesies. This one was particularly horrible, although to be fair to her, she probably wanted to show the world how quickly she had regained her figure only weeks after having her baby. The worst bit is the tunnel-of-love strip over her minge.
9. Doja Cat, rapper.
Doja saw in 2021 in New York’s Times Square dressed like something out of a 1920’s speakeasy and looking for all the world as though she were about to service Steve Buscemi in Boardwalk Empire.
10. Gareth Southgate, England Football Manager.
Gareth commissioned this shacket (half shirt, half jacket, although in truth it should stand for shit jacket) as part of a capsule wardrobe from men’s designer Percival. Are they paying him to wear it? You could not pay WTF enough to go out in this thing, last seen on the man who brings your order of bathroom tiles out of the warehouse in B&Q. England rose up as one to give it the bird and Gareth spent the whole week having buckets of piss poured over his head, as much for England’s dismal performance against Scotland as for his apparel. For the game against Czechoslovakia this week, he appeared in a plain blue navy suit. Good call.
11. Harry Styles, British singer and actor.
Harry gets sillier every day, always clad in head-to-toe Gucci. This suit, fully encapsulating the 1970’s obsession with brown and orange, plus bell-bottoms, Ina horrid, as were the non-toning shirt and the brown handbag with a bamboo handle. Meanwhile anyone who can work out what Harry had in his other hand can have a prize.
12. Jason A Rodriguez, American actor.
Not only was this outfit very unpleasant, especially the little pointy willy vajazzle, but it was also badly cut and looked cheap. That is all that needs to be said.
13. Kim Kardashian, American celebritee.
This was plain pervy. There was a chameleon’s tongue lapping at her lady parts and the effect was disturbing. Who wears a fanny fondler in public?
14. Kylie Jenner, Kim’s half-sister, American celebritee and cosmetics queen.
There is something very wrong with that family. First Kim with her fanny- fondler, and now Kylie in her perambulating thermal image with extra tit and minge shading. Momager Kris Jenner has a lot to answer for….
15. Lena Dunham , actress and writer.
Lena always gets it wrong and this is a fine example, a strapless bustier dress like a Royal Copenhagen plate, a shirt as worn by Edwardian schoolmistresses, thick black tights that had nothing to do with the price of fish – oh, and galoshes. Putrid.
16. Megan Thee Stallion, rapper.
Again, trying to find the positive, the good news is that at least the tits seem to be her own. The bad news is that we could see a lot of them, as well as an expanse of hip and stomach. The main objection is that it all looked so tacky. Why do women feel the need to get their bits out for the cameras?
17. MNEK, British singer.
Whether MNEK nicked his idea from Billy Porter, or Billy Porter nicked his idea from MNEK, WTF cannot say, but both of them should Stop. It. Now. There was a lot of material hanging about to no purpose and how he managed to walk along the Brits Red Carpet at all with those trailing hems is a miracle right up there with that stunt Jesus pulled with the loaves and the fishes.
18. Phoebe Bridgers, American singer and actress.
Phoebe pitched up at the Grammys dressed in this creation. Who knows why? WTF can only conclude that her Halloween party had been cancelled in 2020 due to Covid and she did not waste the outfit.
19. Sam McCarthy, actor.
Sam has a very sweet face and looks about 14 (he is 19), but he cannot be allowed to get away with the suit he sported at the Emmys. It was big enough for the whole cast of his show Dead to Me to get into and still have room for a few new roles to be written in. That was A LOT of fabric gone to waste. Meanwhile there is nothing to be said in favour of white plastic clogs, unless you are working in a fish gutting factory.
OK Readers! Time to GET VOTING!!!!!!!!!!!!! Scroll down the polling paper for the full list, they’re all there.
See you on 16 July! Be good. Byeeee!!!!!!