Hallo Readers,

WTF’s friends and relations will readily affirm that she is a spendthrift and likes a label. Her house is decorated with Farrar & Ball paint and Indian silk cushions from Good Earth in Delhi. But here is the difference between WTF  on the one hand and our Prime Minister and his consort Carrie Antoinette on the other. WTF paid for her décor herself out of money she earned herself and is not beholden to anyone as a result of it.

It is a good job that Johnson and Carrie Antoinette are together because that way, only two people are unhappy instead of four. WTF has never taken to Carrie Antoinette because (i) how can you like someone who finds that portly, mendacious scoundrel attractive? (ii) she appears to have a champagne taste on a Chardonnay income (iii) she has a permanent smirk and (iv) she has now dissed John Lewis, the nation’s beloved High Street department stores, an act of extreme and unwarranted snobbery that borders on plain unpatriotic. But Carrie Antoinette is not the problem. She is not elected to anything. The problem is her fiancé, who has yet again demonstrated, not that we did not already know it, that he regards the electorate, the Ministerial Code of Conduct, and basic decency with contempt. Sending out his minions to parrot the phrase ‘he has paid for it and there is nothing to see here and let us talk about the vaccine roll-out’ does not fool anyone, because we all know that there would be a lot to see if only Johnson would draw back the Lulu Lytle drapes and let us have a look. This blasé approach also failed to convince the Electoral Commission that rules have not been broken, and it has launched an investigation into who paid what to whom and when and why. Which means that yet again, our Prime Minister is being investigated for potentially dodgy and dishonest conduct. On top of everything he has done to date….

Readers, if Johnson and Carrie Antoinette want to decorate their current home like an Edwardian knocking shop, that is a matter for them, their eyeballs and their credit cards. But when the money for the knocking shop came from Lord or Lady Bigwig, whoever he or she may be, we have to ask why Lord or Lady Bigwig was giving money for £11,000 owl lanterns and £9,000 sofas and ever-so-floral wallpaper at £840 a roll, and what, if anything, was expected in return. And, more to the point, whether he or she has actually received, or expects to receive, any sort of quid pro quo for the outlay. If we do not know who he or she is, we cannot know whether he or she has been rewarded for  with a nice big Government contract or a tax break or what have you. And on top of the torrent of slurry rolling through Whitehall with PPE contracts for people who knew the people to know, and appointments for unadvertised jobs, and what knows what else, it stinks to High Heaven. And that is why it matters. Because we can all smell it, at which, like Trinculo in The Tempest,  our noses are in great indignation.

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Our review of the week’s sartorial slurry concentrates on the more sombre 2021-Covid-version of the Oscars, starting with the musical director for the ceremony, musician Questlove (né Ahmir Khalib Thompson), wearing some weird shit. Scroll down slowly…..

There was room for a whole band in those trousers, but WTF’s disapprobation is reserved for the gold Crocs. GOLD CROCS!!!! Here is a WTF rule. Crocs, of any material and in any colour, are an abomination in the sight of the Lord. Even on chefs. These ones are like a couple of perforated gold ingots.

Singer H.E.R. (née Gabriella Sarmiento Wilson), Winner of the Oscar for Best Song (Fight For You in Jesus and the Black Messiah), wearing Dundas.

The colour is fantastic and it was all going so well until you get to the see-though belly dancer’s trousers. And as regular Readers will know, WTF hates a see-through trouser almost above all things….

Actor Callum Scott Howells, wearing JW Anderson at Elton John’s Oscars party in London.

Young Callum, who made his name in the recent hit series It’s A Sin, is wearing a most puzzling ensemble, the love child of Bertie Wooster in spats and an Austrian mountain climber. And heaven knows what that thing is around his neck – is it keeping his head on?

Actress Halle Berry, wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

It is always hard to love the colour puce, and this is puce. Not to mention the fact that the combination of the said puce and the swooshy bits around her waist suggest that she had an ill-fated encounter with Game of Thrones’ Ramsay Bolton, as a result of which her innards are falling out. Meanwhile, whoever was responsible for that haircut should be sued into penury.

Actress Amanda Seyfried wearing Armani.

Amanda looks amazing in red and Armani’s workmanship is exquisite, but what on earth is happening in the tits department? As WTF aficionado Sally remarked, she may have been up for Best Supporting Actress (in Mank) but she had no support from her own dress. The ruffly bits must be tickling her armpits and remind WTF of those feather flirt stick sex toys.

Producer Dana Murray, wearing Christopher John Rogers, and Writer/Director Pete Docter. They won the Oscar for Best Animated Film (Soul).

The pattern of Dana’s dress is pretty but the cut is preposterous. Top marks to WTF aficionado Rebecca from Cornwall who pointed out the similarity in its shape to Blueberry Girl from Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Actor Colman Domingo, wearing Versace.

It fits him beautifully but there is colourful and there is over the top. This passed over the top way back and is heading towards extreme retinal damage. Frankly, flamingos would need sunglasses…..

And now two people nominated for an Oscar who took the whole thing too literally and came dressed as an Oscar in actual gold. First, we have Leslie Odom Jr (nominated for Best Supporting Actor in One Night in Miami), wearing Brioni.

Is that a mask around his neck or a polo neck?  And then we have actress Andra Day (nominated for Best Actress in People v Billie Holiday) wearing Vera Wang.

Both of them were amazing in their respective films, but sadly not in their choice of apparel. It is as if they are covered in that gold liquid slime you can buy on Amazon. At least Leslie did not have his arse hanging out…..

Finally we have actress Laura Dern, wearing Oscar de la Renta. 

WTF loves Laura but not when she is dressed as if emerging from an egg like a new-born chick in a sweater.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Leslie from Lisson Grove, who is very unamused by the Prince Philip Memorial Teddy Bear. 

Leslie says, ‘the day before Prince Philip’s funeral, this delightful advert appeared in The Times. I cannot decide what annoys me most, that it appeared in the Times or that it appeared anywhere! By the way, this pile of land fill costs £249 + P&P’. As ever, Leslie is bang on the money. Prince Philip was many things but he was not cuddly and he did not have embroidered feet. This is literally stuff and nonsense. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Go, not to mention your comments. Be good x.