So are you feeling confident that World Leaders have got a grip on coronavirus? Do you believe that Boris Johnson has got his finger on the Nation’s fevered pulse? Are you reassured by Donald Trump’s steadying hand on the tiller? Because if you are, you are either taking lots of happy pills or are more chilled than a freezer-full of ice cream. That is if you can find any ice cream in the shops, or indeed anything in the shops. Every day, across the world, citizens are engaging in person-to-person combat in supermarket aisles as they try and pile their trollies high with umpteen mega-jumbo-packs of bog-rolls, disinfectant wipes and rigatoni. Between 1920 and 1933, America imposed an alcohol ban which led to boot-legging and violent crime. Now, chemists are flogging hand sanitiser, usually sold for a few quid, at ten times the price. Once people used to stockpile whisky. Now they will probably have to use it to wipe down their kitchens and clean their hands. Of course, it does not occur to these panicked fools that if they buy all the health products, others without access to them will not be able to protect themselves and pass the virus on to them. Dentists, doctors, carers, will suffer. Welcome to the Fuck-You-I’m-Fine society. Don’t it make you feel proud?
Of course pandemics cause panic and chaos, but management to date has been dismal, and nowhere more dismal than in America, where the idiot Trump spent so much time telling everyone that this was just like ‘flu, that everything would be fine, and that the media and the Democrats were stirring things up, that he ran out of time to make things better. He kept assuring the public that tests are available for any citizen who wants one, which is an orange-faced lie. His televised address on Wednesday, delivered in a flat monotone like a I-speak-your-weight machine, when he banned flights from Europe and said things were serious, must have come as a surprise to the ardent morons who worship him and who had joined him in scoffing at the seriousness of the situation. Prominent Republican politicians have had to self-isolate (please let that carry on indefinitely). But even on Thursday, he was maintaining that there were millions of tests available, while the sainted Dr Anthony Fauci, who is on the Coronavirus task-force and is an actual doctor, admitted to Congress (on oath) that ‘we have failed’. As most people are not being tested, no one has the faintest idea how many Americans have it. Meanwhile over in the UK, there is no travel ban, no ban on large gatherings, no ban on sporting events, no closure of schools, and Johnson has airily told the public that ‘many loved ones will die’ And now that Trump has banned flights from Europe, but exempted Brits and the Irish, European travellers will just fly here and transit to the US. It is an ill wind that blows nobody any good, particularly the winds across the Atlantic.
At least one person is keeping a sense of perspective. Last week, First Lady Melania Trump, she of the Einstein entry visa, tweeted a photo of herself plastered in makeup with her hair tweaked to within an inch of its life, wearing a hard hat and pretending to inspect architectural drawings for a new tennis pavilion at the White House. She told us ‘I am excited to share the progress of the Tennis Pavillion at @WhiteHouse. Thank you to the talented team for their hard work and dedication.’ When this tone-deaf, Marie-Antoinette-with-a-tennis-racket drivel was widely met with a negative response, she got into a spin and tweeted again two days later ‘I encourage everyone who chooses to be negative & question my work at the @WhiteHouse to take time and contribute something good & productive in their own communities. #BeBest’, only to be met with another volley of abuse. So US citizens, never mind that you cannot find anything with which to wipe your bum, and that spaghetti is but a distant dream. Next year the Bidens will have a lovely new tennis pavilion. And if that does not cheer you up, WTF does not know what will.
Bloody hell, we need a laugh this week of all weeks. So let us start our review of the fashion flotsam with singer Harry Styles, wearing Gucci.
WTF aficionado Mark from Essex was so appalled by this apparition that he sent it in with this emoji. And no wonder. Harry is dressed as Katherine Hepburn, one of the first Hollywood actresses to wear trousers.
Here is model Suki Waterhouse at the premiere of the new movie Behaviour, wearing Reem Acra.
The coat is nice. The rest of the ensemble seems to consist of a ice-skating costume with a couple of deceased skunks hanging off a stupid sheer skirt.
We are at the Global Awards in London where we encounter singer Camila Cabello wearing Dolce & Gabbana.
This is a cross between an Edwardian courtesan and a French maid. Where is the bottom half of this outfit? Oooh la la ….
And also there was TV presenter Kate Garraway wearing Very.
This is very. Very horrible, like something the late lamented Nanny Pat, her off TOWIE, would wear.
This is dancer and TV talent show judge Paula Abdul wearing Michael de Paolo at an event in Las Vegas called Keep Memory Alive.
WTF would rather that her memory of Paula’s outfit were entirely obliterated. And of the shoes decorated with moss. If a leprechaun went to a fancy dress party as an Elizabethan courtier, this is what he would look like.
Here is actress Katja Herbers wearing Iris van Herpen.
Iris’ designs are beautiful but something has gone seriously awry here around the crotch, because the lining looks like the sort of nappy worn by Sumo wrestlers.
We are at the premiere of Bloodshot whee we meet one of the stars, actress Eiza Gonzalez, wearing Christopher Kane.
This is distinctly mingey, and you worry about what you may be seeing, whether you are actually seeing it or not. The whole thing is evocative of Janet Leigh behind the blood-soaked shower curtain in Psycho. (As it was a black and white movie, they used chocolate. Honestly.)
Here is one of our regulars, singer Celine Dion, wearing Prada.
WTF likes a laugh as well as the next person, but this is ridiculous. This is the sort of thing worn by refuse collectors, except that Celine could not be a refuse collector as she seems to have lost her arms. At least she will never get lost in a snowstorm.
Finally, we have singer Meghan Trainor wearing Christian Cowan.
Well this is colourful. In the way that Herry Monster is colourful. Extra minus points for the blue pigtails.
This week’s It’s Got To Go is from WTF aficionado, Annie from the North Pennines, scoring a rare entry two-weeks-running which is pretty impressive. Last week, it was circus-tent-like inflatable latex trousers. This week it’s Rick Owens fashion show in Paris. Cop a load of this….
What on earth is occurring? It’s a fashion show, not the Moscow State Circus. And the clothes are horrible as well. Rick Owens – stop it. It’s Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments, which gladden. WTF’s hearts and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x