Hallo Readers,

Alabama, the land that time forgot, has just passed a law which, in effect, bans abortion. It was voted for by twenty-five white male senators and signed into law by hatchet-faced Governor Kay Ivey, clad appropriately for the occasion in crimson, the colour worn by women in the now-not-so-mythical land of Gilead in Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale. It is the most draconian state anti-abortion law in the United States, admitting of no exception for pregnancies resulting from incest or rape, although mothers whose lives are at “serious risk” posed by the pregnancy can be exempted. The bill was steered through by Senator Clyde Chambliss, 50, a civil engineer with three daughters, whose grasp of the workings of the womb appears to be somewhat vague. According to Sen. Chambliss, a woman can still take steps to end a pregnancy as long as she doesn’t know that she is pregnant. “..anything that’s available today is still available up until that woman knows she’s pregnant. So there is a window of time, some say seven days, some say ten. There is a window of time that every option that’s on the table now is still available. So she has to take a pregnancy test, she has to do something to know whether she is pregnant or not. You can’t know that immediately. It takes some time for all those chromosomes and all that that you mentioned. It doesn’t happen immediately.’ In other words, as long as you can get rid of your baby before you know that you are expecting a baby, you are fine. But once you know that you are pregnant, you have to go through with the pregnancy. And the doctor who would perform an abortion could end up serving a maximum of ninety-nine years in prison. Meanwhile, if you are a victim of incest, your assailant can get a maximum of ten years. Ten years for incest and ninenty-nine years for trying to help the victim of incest. Sen. Chambliss explained “When God creates the miracle of life inside a woman’s womb, it is not our place as human beings to extinguish that life.” 

Other states are going down the same path, including Georgia, which bans abortion on detection of a foetal heartbeat (this can be after only six weeks), Kentucky, Mississippi, Ohio and Indiana. The reason is clear. Their ultra-conservative, neanderthal Republican politicians know that the measures are in conflict with the landmark decision of Roe v Wade, the 1973 decision in which the Supreme Court held that abortion was a woman’s constitutional right. But now the neanderthals are in the ascendancy, having struck a devil’s bargain with Donald Trump before the 2016 election. They would support this venal, adulterous, mendacious, crooked, irreligious, sack of shit and he, in turn, would deliver Supreme Court judges who would strike down Roe v Wade. Trump openly promised them as much and has since appointed two Supreme Court justices for that express purpose – Neil Gorsuch and the bloated, lachrymose, hysterical, liar and alleged sexual assailant, Brett Kavanaugh. And now Roe v Wade  will end up in the Supreme Court very soon. Perhaps the Alabama law is a little too extreme even for the majority of Catholics on the Court, but other states will produce something a little tighter, a little less brazen, and women will be forced to go abortion shopping in other places to avoid bearing children they do not want, cannot afford or who have been placed inside their bodies by acts of criminality and violence. Because apparently God wants it that way. Indeed Fox News buffoon and Trump sycophant Tucker Carlson said last night that forcing a woman to go through a pregnancy caused by rape was “honourable”. 

And so it is that a minority of the population ensures that the US can be turned into a Taliban state with such ease and political venality. WTF’s principal anger is reserved not for Trump – this is one of the rare occasion where he actually told the truth – but for the idiot Republican Senator Susan Collins of Maine, who claimed to be a champion of a woman’s right to choose,  but who was persuaded to vote for Kavanaugh on his assurance that he would not overturn Roe v Wade, thus facilitating his appointment. Collins is the female version of the late King Hussein of Jordan – given a 50/50 choice, she will inevitably fuck it up. This is on you Senator. You were conned – again. A woman colluding with the removal of women’s rights. Congratulations.

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We start our review of the week’s fashion flotsam at the Cannes Film Festival and actress Julianne Moore, wearing Louis Vuitton.

She is wearing a bathroom set. A bathroom set. Why, WTF cannot say. 

Here is Austrian model Nadine Leopold, wearing Nicholas Oakwell Couture.

Look, WYF likes a laugh as well as the next person, but the word “couture” here is just taking the piss. A corset and a pair of cami-knickers, paired with a sheet like a member of the KKK in his scanties, is not couture. Not even at all.

Another model, Brazilian Alessandra Ambrosio, wearing minge maestro Julien  Macdonald.

This is very typical of Julien’s oeuvre, i.e. there is not enough of it and there is always the imminent danger of a sighting of a body part that is not supposed to be on show.

There is a new movie about Sir Elton John, Rocketman, in which he is played by actor  Taron Egerton. Elton is wearing Gucci, including the uber-sparkiy sun- specs, whilst Taron is wearing Etro.

 Taron’s suit is reminiscent of William Morris wallpaper.

Elton’s suit is a lovely colour but something very horrible is happening around the crotch department, another distressing example of the dreaded elephant vagina syndrome.

Next up, actress Li Yuchun, wearing Balmain.

The lovely Li is clad as an ostrich in a strait jacket. And she is looking very pissed off as a result.

Away from Cannes, we go to Hollywood Model and actress Carla Howe at the Fashion Nova x Cardi B Collection Launch.

This is like a nightmare scene at some animal slaughterhouse where dead animals abound – bits of tiger, python boots (are those the same Ferragamo boots Solange wore last week to the Met Ball?) and a large side helping of tits?

Also present was the ghastly Perez Hilton, also wearing Cardi B collection.  

This is a man who runs a worst dressed of the week column. Physician heal thyself… Forget the purple Poseidon look and the bum bag, the generous gonadaget is making WTF shudder. Yurgle.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Ruth-Anne Beckett. Just when you think that denim-abuse can get no worse, it does. And then some. Have a large sick bucket issue handy whilst inspecting the jean speedo sold by online retailer Shinesty known as the “jeado”, also known as the Daytona Dong Sarong. Easy now…..

These crimes against the eyeballs, not to  mention the goolies, are a blend of denim and spandex and cost $39 95. They are shocking. Shocking. And will no doubt cause a beastie yeastie. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please send in your comments,  and don’t forget your utterly splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x