As fans of Midsomer Murders can attest, living in an English idyll does not preclude murder and mayhem but no-one associated leafy Salisbury with attempted homicide until a fortnight ago, when a father and daughter were found in a bad way on a public bench, poisoned with Novichok, a Russian nerve gas developed decades earlier. The father and daughter were Sergei Skripal, a former Russian spy turned double agent and now living in the UK and Yulia, who was visiting him from Moscow. They had wandered out on a Sunday afternoon for a drink and a spot of lunch and ended up in intensive care where they remain in critical condition. The police sergeant who found them, Sgt Nick Bailey, also fell seriously ill, but is recovering. A number of people were treated in hospital immediately after the incident and were discharged but anyone who was in the pub or in the restaurant has been advised to wash their clothes and to isolate anything that cannot be washed, which is hardly encouraging. No one knows what the long term effects will be.
The gas was developed in Russia, the victims were Russian and Russia has a grim history of murdering its political opponents, including here in the UK. In 2010, Vladimir Putin warned “traitors will kick the bucket, believe me. Those other folks betrayed their friends, their brother in arms…”. Not to mention the newsreader on Russian television who after the Skripal attack warned “traitors or those who simply hate their country in their free time, don’t choose Britain as a place to live. ..in recent years there have been too many strange incidents with grave outcomes there.” Theresa May clearly believed that Russia was bang to rights. Most people do except Jeremy Corbyn, who is urging caution and finding himself accused of high treason as a result. Certainly, anyone could have manufactured the gas, as the instructions are available if you know where to look, and the way that the attack was carried out was sloppy. The Sun speculated that the attack had been lodged by Yulia’s ex boyfriend’s mother, which seems a trifle far-fetched. Russia has form and motive. Who else would have wanted one or other of the Skripals dead?
May suddenly grew some balls and condemned Russia. Her reaction was more impressive than the Defence Secretary, pipsqueak Gavin Williamson, who told the Russians to go away and shut up. They must be quaking. Nor do they seem too crushed by our sanctions. 23 Embassy diplomats (i.e. spies) are to be expelled, Russian intelligence will be “degraded”, Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov’s invitation has been withdrawn and Prince William will not go to Russia to support England in the World Cup. And er, that’s it. Does anyone think that Putin is bothered by HRH’s no-show or that Lavrov will miss his chat with Boris Johnson? They will expel British diplomats (i.e. spies) and continue to deny all knowledge of what happened.
The only way to hurt Russia would involve something more. Like persuading many other countries to boycott the World Cup – but why would they? Europe is hardly frienly at the moment. The South American countries are unlikely to care. Saudi Arabia and Iran are not exactly bastions of human rights. FIFA and the sponsors of this bloated corruption-fest will never let it happen. Or we could confiscate some of the Russian properties in London owned by the oligarchs who owe their success to Putin’s patronage. Neither will happen and so May can threaten all she likes. We are a little country. We cannot hurt Russia. And so Russian traitors and passers-by will continue to be injured or killed in our green and pleasant land because there is damn all we can do about it.
Beauty seminar? These two have hardly got an original working part between them and their faces are fuller of Botox than a convoy of lorries loaded with Botox leaving the Botox factory. And they are both wearing underwear as outerwear, although at least Madge is wearing a jacket.
We pop into the TRIC TV and Radio Awards in London where we encounter WAG and fledgling celebritee, Rebekah Vardy, wearing Whyte Studio.
Rebekah appeared on last year’s I’m a Celebritee, Get Me Out of Here and she will doubtless next pop up on Strictly Come Skijumping, although she has no obvious claim to fame save that she is more orange than an orange and is married to footballer Jamie Vardy. But she got to have her moment on the Red Carpet, dressed, for reasons that can only be guessed at, as a pastel Poldark.
Next up we have actor Penélope Cruz at the premiere of Loving Pablo in Madrid, wearing Versace.
Several years ago, Jean-Paul Gauthier went through a very annoying phase of sending out beautiful women in stupid half-and-half outfits. Now Versace is at it. At first glance, Penélope seems to have slipped a long evening coat over one shoulder, but there is nothing to go on the other shoulder. The whole outfit makes her look like a shimmering black beetle.
Here is Mel B launching yet another series of America’s Got Talent Even If The Judges Don’t.
This dress is typical of Mel’s wardrobe choices, i.e. it is tacky, tawdry and far too short. It appears to have been stitched together from heavily embroidered place mats, the sort you get when you go to tea at your granny. In case you are wondering how it stays up, it has an illusion panel and you can see the seam running from breast to clavicle, like the joint on a doll.
To the iHeart Radio Music Awards where a variety of very badly attired people got together for no obvious purpose. This is rapper Young Thug, wearing who knows what?
The techicolour vomit artist’s smock is bad enough but WTF’s main disapprobation is reserved for the ridiculous white trousers exposing plenty of purple-socked ankle. In Victorian times, women flashing their ankles was considered to be erotic. in 2018, it is the men doing it.
Actor Jackie Cruz, wearing Death by Dolls.
If she were to spin round, she could take half a dozen people’s eyes out with those tassels. Those people whose eyes were not already tight shut to avoid seeing the horror of this dress.
Here is a WTF staple, singer Halsey wearing Raisa and Vanessa.
The hair is very Pebbles Flintstone but the outfit is more Jane after becoming Mrs Tarzan. Only, she wasn’t tattooed.
Singer Drake Bell wearing Gucci. Gucci!!!!
The emerald-green Bugs bunny sweater costs £885 and clashes horribly with the Let’s Go-To-San-Francisco-and-drop-a-load-of-acid khaki floral trewsies (£750) and the sparkly trainers (£495). And more ankle activity, this time in red socks.
Finally, here is actor Nafessa Williams wearing Vatanika at the premiere of her new movie Tomb Raider, in which she plays cinema’s first black lesbian villain.
Yikes. If there is one thing worse than a minge moment, it is a faux minge moment. She is actually wearing flesh-toned cycle shorts under her trousers, but the fact you have to ask is unacceptable. WTF stands by her view that lace trousers are as much use as a roof rack on a helicopter.
This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF of Islington who is fed up with people using social media to end relationships. Yes you, Donald J. Trump. You sacked Secretary of State Rex Tillerson ON TWITTER. If that is not the definition of classless, WTF does not know what is.
How low can you go? The White house phone is free – well for you, anyway. Have the balls to sack people in person, you outrageous orange oaf. You have so Got to Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending on those comments and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x