WTF Fiddler’s Elbow Special

Hallo Readers,

Politicians lie. They just do. Lawyers, who are generally regarded as lower than a snake’s belly, are grateful for politicians because otherwise they would the most reviled group in society rather than the second one. Sometimes politicians lie to get elected. Sometimes they lie because they do not expect to be elected, which presents a real problem if they do get elected because they then have to follow through. Not expecting to win the Brexit Referendum, Boris Johnson and pals drove around the UK in a Big Beautiful Bus emblazoned with the slogan “We send the EU £350 million a week – let’s fund our NHS instead.” They never expected to make good on that promise, any more than Donald Trump thought he would build a Big Beautiful Wall to keep out marauding drugs dealers, rapists and sundry bad hombres with Mexico footing the bill. 

But then the votes came in and Johnson and Trump had to produce the goods. Except there were no goods because the goods never existed. Of course, you cannot tell people that you lied to them because people do not like being told they were lied to, especially when they voted for you because you told them that the other lot were the liars. So what can you do?

In Trump’s case, you keep insisting that there will be a Wall, except that you salami slice the Mexico-will-pay bit, moving inexorably from Mexico will pay for the wall to Mexico will pay the wall “by other means” to “Oh hallo, Congress, please can you allocate me $20bn for the Wall?”. (Answer – no). Meanwhile, you shrink the Wall from a Big Beautiful Wall with Solar Panels to last week’s Presidential tweet, “The WALL, which is already under construction in the form of new renovation of old and existing fences and walls, will continue to be built”. So Building a Big Beautiful Wall becomes Patching the Fence, an advert for Lowe’s, the US version of Wickes. 

The same is true of the £350m. Even before the shock result last year, Sir David Norgrove, Head of the UK Statistics Authority, rubbished the figure and pointed out that £350m was gross and that roughly £200m is recouped in EU subsidies. After the shock result, its even more shocked proponents disowned their claim like a lovechild conceived in an extra-marital romp. In February this year, Johnson and everyone else previously aboard the Big Beautiful Bus voted down an Opposition amendment demanding an analysis of the impact of exiting the EU on the NHS. By then, the pledge had been also salami sliced so that, apparently, it had not meant £350m for the NHS at all. On Saturday, Johnson revived the figure in a 4,000 word opus of his vision for Brexit in the Daily Telegraph, headlined “Yes we will take back £350m from EU for the NHS”. The article  itself said “Once we have settled our accounts, we will take back control of roughly £350m per week….It would be a fine thing, as many of us have pointed out, if a lot of that money went on the NHS…” The article did not say the whole £350m would go to the NHS but it clearly suggested that Britain would be better off by £350m a week. A lot of £350m is a week is more than a lot of £150m a week. Sir David wrote to Johnson saying that he was “surprised and disappointed” to see this canard trotted out again. Weren’t we all? It has been in and out like a fiddler’s elbow – with the emphasis on “fiddle”. 

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We turn to our review of the week’s fashion failures, which all come from last week’s Emmy Awards in Los Angeles. First off, we have proper film star Jane Fonda, wearing Brandon Maxwell.

Jane is remarkable for 79, or indeed for any age, although there has clearly been some interference with the workings of nature. The dress, designed by the bloke who dresses Lady Gaga (which is hardly a recommendation, like being Donald Trump’s hairdresser) comes with its own bullfighter’s cape but WTF’s chief concern is the ridiculous hair, which started life as the tail on a Palomino pony.

Actress Carrie Coon (Fargo, Gone Girl), wearing Delpozo.

Not only is this very unflattering but she looks like a stick of mouldy candy floss.

More dismal Delpozo, this time on actress MacKenzie Davis (Halt and Catch Fire).

This is a lime green wraparound apron with pink shoes (tonally mismatched and just wrong) and does nothing for her. She looks like an ice lolly.

Actor Brandon Flynn (13 Reasons Why).

You do not need 13 Reasons Why this is bad. There is one – the crotch, which suffers from the phenomenon known as elephant vagina syndrome, first identified on designer Thom Browne. That crotch is unforgivable. If you need more Reasons, there are the ill fitting trews, the scruffy shoes and the badly tied tie. 

Actress Kathryn Hahn (Transparent), wearing vintage Courrèges.

She is making a splash in a Dalek shower curtain and sandals. Exterminate!

Actress Tracee Ellis Ross  (Black-ish) wearing Chanel.

Tracee looks like a Swarovski swan having a prolapse.

Actor Deon Cole (Black-ish) wearing tartan. LOTS of Tartan.

Last time WTF saw that much tartan was at the Edinburgh Tattoo. Deon is an ill-fitting, walking advertisement for Younger’s Beer.

Actress Debra Messing wearing Romona Keveza.

This is just a great big slithery aubergine with her head and neck poking out and quite, quite horrible.

Actress Ariel Winter (Modern Family, Batman), wearing Stephen Khalil.

Ariel explained that she normally shows boob so this time she thought she would show leg instead. The problem is that it might not be just her leg she is showing. If anyone ever asks you what genitalia curtains are, just show them this picture.

Finally, we have actor and drag queen RuPaul, wearing who knows what. WARNING – LIKELY OCULAR DAMAGE AHEAD!!!!

RuPaul has come dressed as a tiled hallway. Who knows why?

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado @Wringham (aka The Justified Sinner) who is scornful of racing driver Lewis Hamilton. Hamilton is a regular in the fashion fiascos section of this blog but now he has publicly embraced veganism to save the environment. He gave up red meat several years ago because of his (very reasonable) concerns about all the bovine farts adding to the global gases and more recently, fish and chicken have been ditched as well.

Lewis seems not to have noticed that Formula One is heavily reliant on fossil fuels (to be fair, technology has reduced the emissions over the past few years). The actual vroom-vroom-vroom around the circuit only accounts for about 0.3% of the sport’s carbon emissions. But there are the raw materials and the wind tunnels and the electricity and the computing and all sorts, not to mention the 160,000 km flown across the world every year by drivers and their entourages. What is more, one of Mercedes’ biggest sponsors is Pretonus, the Malyasian oil and gas giant which produces no emissions at all, does it? It is bad enough having to look at Hamilton but being forced to listen to him talk bollocks is just too much. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as WTF values them like anything.  And don’t forget your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

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This entry was posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Emmys, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Politics, Theresa May, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to WTF Fiddler’s Elbow Special

  1. Andrew Purcell says:

    *You got Brexit and a make-believe £350 million each week to pour into the NHS.
    We got Mr. Trump and a make-believe big, beautiful wall that Mexico will pay for.
    I’m willing to trade. You send Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage, and a future prime minister to be named later, and I’ll give you Donald Trump and Steve Bannon. I’ll even throw in Louie Gohmert (a Republican congressman from Texas-you’ll love him).
    Why not? They make trades like this between sports teams all the time.
    *I’m disappointed by the fashions this week. Very little imagination.
    The men look like various used car salesmen. I’m inclined to give them a pass. When it comes to fashion, guys are clueless. My guess is that they have girlfriends who just don’t like them very much.
    The ladies all look frumpy. Why would any woman want to look frumpy. Is this a thing today.
    Except for Ariel Winter. Stick a small chair in one hand and a whip in the other and she could be either a lion tamer in a circus or a dominatrix (although they may both be the same profession).
    *The race-car driver who has become a vegetarian because cow farts damage the environment. Yee-haw! As your resident Texan you probably guessed that I would respond to this. Beef isn’t just an industry here, it’s a way of life, even if you’re a city boy. I’m not certain where to start. All my opening lines lead straight to some fairly vulgar potty humor, and then things get really crude. So I’ll just recommend the children’s book “Everyone Poops”.
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Everyone_Poops

    • fashionshark says:

      I think I can promise you some eye-popping fashion this Friday. Including a man dressed as a caterpillar.

      There is no way we are having trump here or Bannon. I will now research your Texan Congressman. Can he be worse than Ted Cruz?

    • fashionshark says:

      OK I have now read about him. wWhat a Grade A arsewipe. He’s worried about Caribou sex? But not the environment? Who VOTES for this man and why?

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