Hallo Readers, 

Yes, WTF is back from a somewhat damp but lovely Cornwall and a sunny and lovely Gloucestershire and is resuming her mission to descry idiocy both political and sartorial. Starting with the growing phenomenon of people who are happy to opine with total confidence on subjects about which they know absolutely nothing. These are the people who dwell in the land of Twitter and radio phone-ins and newspaper comments under articles where opinion is fact and fact is annoying. The thing is, you cannot have a worthwhile opinion on anything without it being based on the facts, otherwise what you are giving is not an opinion at all but a jumbled bundle of bollocks based on half-truths and non-truths and alternative facts (©Kellyanne Conway) and prejudices which might or might not be interesting to someone but is basically bollocks. And post Brexit, post Trump, when not knowing anything is a badge of honour, this bundle of bollocks has gone beyond passing for argument – it has become truth. Don’t bother to read up on the topic – just see what your favourite tweeter says because that will be true, right? Others can contradict it if they dare. If they’re lucky, they will get contempt or abuse; if they’re unlucky, they will get a death threat. This is the world we now live in.

There has been a plethora of recent examples. Like the case of little Charlie Gard, when people whose only medical expertise came from watching Casualty became expert on infantile onset encephalomyopathy mitochondrial DNA depletion syndrome. Not that most of them even knew what it was called or what it was, but they were confident in pronouncing on his prospects of recovery. Why wouldn’t Peter the Plumber from Pontepool and some Pastor from Poughkeepsie know more about infantile onset encephalomyopathy mitochondrial DNA depletion syndrome than doctors at Great Ormond Street who had dedicated their lives to caring for infants and had, you know, medical degrees? 

Then there are the people who know more about Roman history than Professor Mary Beard, a renown classicist, and who feel entitled to contradict her assertion that Roman Britain was multi-cultural based on their extensive reading of er…Beano and who back up their alleged arguments with death threats and abuse.

And then there were the people who could not distinguish between the European Court of Human Rights and the Court of Justice of the European Union, people who could not find their arse with two hands and a magnifying glass. The outgoing President of the Supreme Court, Lord Neuberger, questioned the lack of guidance in the EU Exit Bill on how Judges should apply CJEU decisions post-Brexit. Lord Neuberger knows stuff.  He has been a judge since 1996. He knows how to construe a statute and he knows that this statute-in-waiting was as clear as mud on this topic and that judges who did apply CJEU law would be covered in ordure by The Daily Mail as Enemies of the People and Saboteurs. But the non-arse-finders on Twitter and radio phone-ins and the commentators under articles were sufficiently au fait with the law to declare that M’Lord was talking nonsense and was obviously a Member of the Establishment and a Remoaner and that it was all terribly simple and straightforward. 

The best exchange of all was on Twitter yesterday. After Trump mendacious tweet  claiming to have “renovated and modernised” the country’s nuclear arsenal, one Stephen Schwartz (@atomicanalyst) said that nothing had happened in the 201 days since the Inauguration. Cue for buckets of abuse from non-Defence experts everywhere, including from a Newcastle FC supporter of unknown domicile (handle @_toon_fan) who asked Schwartz how he knew this. Schwartz’s reply was sublime. “I’m a nuclear weapons and weapons policy expert specializing in US nuclear weapons. It is literally my job to know. What’s your expertise?”.  Sadly, @_toon_fan vanished from  Twitter without answering that question. But we know the answer, don’t we?

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We now turn our attention to the sartorial sluice bucket of recent weeks, starting with Princess Charlene of Monaco pictured with her husband, Prince Albert, at an event in Monte Carlo. She is wearing Versace.

Princess Charlene represented South Africa in the swimming pool at the Sydney Olympics in 2000, as you can see from her powerful shoulders, but that does not mean that she has to go about the Principality dressed as a fish.  This metallic monstrosity with silvery scales makes her look like Caliban from The Tempest with strap marks and a scaly codpiece. And the back is still worse.

Is her head on backwards? Could this is fact be the front of Princess Charlene, together with cleavage and pubes? Either way, the whole thing is just terribly, terribly, terrible.

To the premiere of Valerian in Mexico City and one of its stars, actress and model Cara Delevigne, wearing Versace.

More Versace, more fishiness. This time we have a very thin-looking Cara in piscatorial peekaboo.  Enough already with the fishes.

Next up, we have actor Chris Sullivan at an NBC event in Beverley Hills.

Actually, bring back the fishes. It is as painful to behold as that sunburn must be. Memo to Chris. Next time (a) slather on the suncream, Factor 50 (b) hire a stylist and (c) lose the varnish on the toes.

This is singer Kesha, wearing a Gucci cape and sparkly leggings, seen with her boyfriend Brad Ashenfelter at LA Airport. 

Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds vomit…. And that is before they clock the price tag, namely $4,100. (Leggings not included). If your granny knitted this for you as a Christmas gift, you would thank her warmly and then take it down to the charity shop PDQ.

To Paris and singer Celine Dion, continuing her mission to be seen in ever- more ridiculous haute couture. Here she is wearing Alexander McQueen. The young gentleman is her backing dancer, Pepe Munoz.

Sarah Jessica Parler might have worn this 20 years in Sex And The City but that was then and this is now. Celine looks like a Fairy Queen who has gone ten rounds with the Big Bad Wolf. Note the difference between her ludicrous formality and Pepe’s casual jeans-and-tee effort.

Amongst those in attendance at the premiere of Sharknado  (shudder) in Las Vegas was actor and TV host Jai Rodriguez of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy fame, wearing a most alarming ensemble.

Ouch! Ouch! And thrice Ouch! No need to ask which side Jai dresses. Those shorts are a fast track to male thrush. Memo to Jai. Next time, (a) take a size up (b) lose those brogues and (c) buy some Fluconazole.

Next we go to Black Girls Rock! in Newark, New Jersey and actress Michelle Mitchenor, wearing Carlos Antoine.

This is an Imminent Minge Moment if ever there was one and there is also a cornucopia of tit, all barely contained in a chartreuse dressing gown.

Finally we have actress Hailee Steinfeld, wearing Balmain at the Opening of the Balmain Boutique in LA.

Well, this is hideous. The dress, not that it is a dress, has a built-in pussy pelmet and those things crawling up her legs are laced peep-toe boots, an abomination in the eyes of the Lord. The whole thing is the cursed lovechild of Renoir’s Mme Loge and Grey Worm from Game of Thrones.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF of Islington who wants to see the end of the revolting Nigel Farage on her TV and radio. The man is supposed to have retired from public life but he pops up more regularly than toast in a posh café. He has a radio show where he talks bollocks and he is still regularly interviewed by other media where he talks bollocks and he keeps appearing on Fox News where he talks even more bollocks whilst revelling in his association with President Trump. We have all had more than enough of him and He’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as WTF needs cheering up. She is a bit nervous about being blown to smithereens in this nonsensical standoff between two fat lunatics with bad hair. And do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x