WTF Dr Dick Special

Hallo Readers,

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. (WTF always thought that it was giveth and taketh but apparently this is not so although it sounds better). In this case, the Lord in question is Lord Hall, the Director-General of the BBC. This week there has been a lot of giving and taking. For a start, the Lord Hall has given us a female Doctor Who and taken away the male ones, whereupon there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. All over the country distraught men rent their garments and bemoaned a further assault upon their manhood by lefties, feminists, lesbians and harridans in all their various combinations. How unrealistic for a woman – a WOMAN – to portray a time-traveller in a Tardis who has already changed bodies and personalities a dozen times and who fights metal monsters on coasters. Will this Doctor get all moody when she is on the rag? Will she cry when confronted with Silence? And since women have no idea about mechanics, how will she manage to wield the sonic screwdriver? Will she have to reach for a tampon instead? WTF particularly liked the cretin who demanded “what next – a male Lady Macbeth?”, unaware that actresses were not really a thing until the Restoration and all Shakespearian roles were originally played by men. Heaven knows how these champions of Dr Dick survived Dame Edna Everage. Not to mention Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer.

Back at the BBC, there was more giving and taking away. On Wednesday the Lord Hall disclosed the “stars” earning over £150,000, of whom only a third were women. The top seven were all chaps, most of whom you would not watch if you were chained to a radiator. Like Chris Evans who is as funny as a bad attack of haemorrhoids and who crashed Top Gear into the wall in one series. Like perma-tanned Gary Lineker who is paid £1.7m a year to make putrid puns and say things like “Alan, you’ve been impressed by [insert as applicable] today”. Admittedly the whole salary structure seems random (which idiot decided to pay Tess Daly £350,000?) but even so, there are some bewildering disparities. National Treasure Claire Balding, who seems to do a lot more than Lineker, is paid 90% less than he is.  Sarah Montague, who has been presenting Today on Radio 4 for 12 years, is not even on The List. The BBC Gender Pay Gap is a chasm because it works on the same principles as these things always do in public and in private employers. Men paid more because “they won’t stay unless they are paid more”, even if they have no intention of going anywhere. Men paid more because their salaries are settled by other men. Women paid less than the men they replace because they are already paid less so why pay them the same? Men paid more because women, well, you know, go off and have a baby, come back and then go off and have another baby. It’s a lifestyle choice, innit? And for all the BBC’s promises to even things up, there has never been a female Director-General. A female Doctor Who is all well and good but real life is a lot more important. Lord Hall and your overpaid managers, male and female – put on sackcloth, sit in ashes and repent mightily. Most of your humiliated female presenters currently wish all ten plagues upon you. Stop splashing public money around and what you do splash, splash more equitably. Here endeth the lesson.

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To the week’s sartorial shockers with actor Paul Bettany wearing a most ridiculous suit.

This is what Steve McQueen would have looked like had he slept in his car for a fortnight. What on earth is going on with that collar? And the shirt? And the trousers? And the shoes? Yurgle.

And this is lovely actress Charlize Theron, wearing Dior.

WTF has been fulminating about J’Adior undies for some time because they are a rip-off perpetrated upon the paying public. Charlize is actually paid to wear them (and the slip pretending to be a skirt) but that is absolutely no excuse.  

Next up is singer (and now actor) Harry Styles, wearing Calvin Klein.

Yee haw! Trousers pretending to be  cowboy boots. Is Harry were auditioning  for a remake of Los 3 Amigos?

We go to the ESPYS, the American Sports Awards, where we encounter NBA player Mike Conley Jr of the Memphis Grizzlies and his wife Mary Peluso.

WTF hopes that it was not windy outside or Mary would have been whipped to death by her tassels. As for Mike, this outfit is certainly grizzly, a veritable tribute to 1960s wallpaper.

And here is American footballer Odell Beckham Jr. wearing Louis Vuitton v Supreme and actress Dove Cameron, wearing Marc Jacobs.

Dove looks fine but the same cannot be said for Odell. First, something seems to have died on his head. Second, WTF hates a shorts suit almost above all things and hates a white tuxedo shorts suit worn with a teeshirt even more than that. Why is a grown man and successful sportsman dressed like the kid who parks your car at a Trump golfing resort?

More 20th Century horror, as worn by singer and reality show judge Rita Ora in Chloe. Only she has gone from the 1960s to the 1970s. And turned into a JLo lookalikey en route.

For some reason, the 1970s were ablaze with brown and orange, like the dying days of Autumn. It was everywhere, both on people (WTF had a brown Afghan coat with orange embroidery which, when it rained, stank like a decomposing skunk) and as decor. Rita has gone full period costume in this migraine-inducing horror together with haystack hair and silly sunglasses. On reflection, she is not so much JLo as Dayglo and looks positively radioactive.

And now we are in the 1980’s with TOWIE’s Gemma Collins wearing Gerda Trubon.

This may actually be one of the worst dresses WTF has ever seen. Did she borrow Odell Beckham Jnr’s footballing shoulder pads? Ludicrous.

And finally, she is back. And when you see her, you will know why. WTF speaks of Kim Kardashian West, wearing vintage Helmut Lang and sandals by Yeezy, her husband’s clothing line.

You know those plastic bags covering your dry-cleaning? Kim is wearing one of those together with white panties and bare boobs. Here is WTF’s question. Why bother with the bag at all? Just wear the coat and panties. Save the planet.


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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionados Leslie from North London and Nick from South London, who have submitted a joint complaint. Here it is. “People walking down the street glued to their ‘phones and causing a mobile obstruction. Their mates who have headphones on and scream into a piece of attached wire. The look of wounded indignation they give you when you trip them up. The high decibel count of their conversation. And the sheer tedium of the content. If you must insist on the world hearing your business, at least make it interesting, make something up, let people think you are a MI5 operative or a top Hollywood producer, instead of just heralding the news that you are having salad and cold cuts for your tea!” WTF agrees and has nothing to add save that It’s Got To Go.


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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as they make WTF more cheery than a cheery thing feeling cheery. And of course,  your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  WTF is to enjoy the loveliness of Cornwall and Gloucestershire for the next fortnight. Normal (?!?!?) service will be resumed on Friday 11 August 2017. Be good x

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9 Responses to WTF Dr Dick Special

  1. Gemma Colllins….. really…..What the Actual F**K?? first of all we thought she was naked and the orange wrinkles were her skin, then we thought she was wearing a bag full of Shar Pei….or had eaten a huge Shar Pie. If this is not in the next stinker poll we’ll source a picture of wtf in her Afghan coat and publish and be damned!

    • fashionshark says:

      And it’s worse re the Afghan coat! It was worn with brown platform boots! *shudders*.

      • SueP says:

        I had the same coat (or `goat` as my father called it!), but worn with blue platforms. Tried freezing the coat as it was supposed to get rid of the smell. Didn’t work, it just ended up going moldy!

      • Lesley says:

        My afghan was white. I wore it with smug superiority but it still stank when it was wet!

  2. Rebecca Jay says:

    Of course, what the BBC pay debacle needs now is a tip-top employment lawyer to sort our some parity for female ‘talent’ on the Beeb. Talk about opening a can of worms…

    In other matters, Leslie Verrinder, you got in before me on the horror of Gemma Collins – I simply cannot add to that. Expect OMFG.

  3. Sir William Nicholson says:

    Odell Beckham Jr also appears to have a false, mahogany left leg.

  4. Andrew Purcell says:

    “Giveth” and “taketh” are misquotations of the King James translation of the Book of Job. A number of later “Biblical Scholars” believed that adding “eth” to the end of all the verbs would maketh the Bible holier and more biblical. Almost makes me miss the good old days when you learned the Bible in its original Latin and burned everyone else at the stake.
    Their theological descendants liveth on. There is a Noah’s Ark themed museum and amusement park in Tennessee dedicated to debunking evolution. The Earth was created 6,000 years ago and there are no more dinosaurs because they didn’t get on the ark.
    “The Lord gives and the lord takes away” is used to excuse God’s behavior after he slaughtered all of Job’s children and most of their servants in an effort to win a bet with Satan. I use this quotation sparingly and only with large amounts of sarcasm.
    *Dr. Who’s current gender doesn’t bother me, but I quit watching it after the Doctor stopped looking like actor Tom Baker, so I guess I don’t really have a horse in that race.
    Last year I stumbled across a stray recent episode that featured World War Two era RAF Spitfires doing battle in outer space with flying saucers. They never explained how an internal combustion engine could function in the vacuum of space, and the idea that flying saucers armed with ray guns could be shot down with machine gun bullets seemed as likely as Flash Gordon in the 1930s movie serial leaning out of the window of his space ship with his six-shooter and killing the two bad guys driving the pursuing space ship.
    *Oops! I seem to have wandered off-topic. Again.
    *I’m not proud.
    *I’m not deleting it either.
    *Gender equality is a series of issues that need to be addressed. In all areas. Including this blog. You featured ten individuals this week, six women and four men. This is a fairly equitable split, but the ladies have outnumbered the men rather dramatically in past weekly installments as well as the Summer Stinkers and the Christmas Turkeys. I’m not complaining about it. Just an observation.
    *Paul Bettany’s outfit isn’t what Steve McQueen would have looked like even if he spent the week sleeping on his motorcycle. Yurgle is just as good a word for this as any other.
    *Harry Styles. Why paint your pants to look like cowboy boots when excellently made real cowboy boots are available for very reasonable prices?
    But I’ll give him a break. He seems to be promoting the movie “Dunkirk”. Can’t figure out why there are so few movies made about that event. There are plenty about the Alamo, Custer’s Last Stand, and other hopeless battles against overwhelming odds, and the Dunkirk guys actually lived to win a few years later.
    *Gemma Collins. I have finely honed survival skills and three sisters who insist that I never ever ever make fun of a woman’s size. Ever. So I will keep my observation modest and say that even if the photograph was taken from a more complimentary angle, Ms. Collins did herself no favors when she chose that outfit.
    *So the final image you are leaving us with as you go galavanting off for several weeks is Kim Kardashian wearing a clear plastic garbage bag and a trench coat. That’s cold.
    *Cornwall and Gloucestershire? I’ve been reading a book about The War of the Roses and both those places figure prominently. Or at least their aristocrats did. The book is kind of hard to follow without a scorecard, the entire English aristocracy seemed to spend the entire time either switching sides or having their heads chopped off and being replaced by someone on the other side, and everybody was named either Henry or Edward or Richard. Good thing I have my copy of Shakespeare to consult or I’d have no idea what’s going on.
    *Enjoy your vacation.

    • Rebecca Jay says:

      It is fair to say that I look forward to your comments each week almost as much as I look forward to this blog. Given that WTF is Cornwall-bound, and I get her all to myself for a couple of days, I will hold my nerve until the blog recommences! 😎🌞😎

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