Here is where we are. England and Wales voted to leave the EU whilst Scotland and Northern Ireland voted to remain and may well break away, leaving two little countries going it alone. The EU is incredulous, angry and vengeful. The Prime Minister has resigned but will stay in office until September pending the election of his successor, a lame duck on full pay and refusing to become involved in the divorce negotiations. This of course begs the question why is he still there? Boris Johnson, his apparent successor, had knifed Cameron by declaring his intention to campaign for Leave, giving his mate less than an hour’s notice. Now Johnson was knifed in similar fashion by his friend and leave campaigner, Michael Gove, told only hours before the deadline that he had lost his support. Gove now enjoys the dubious distinction of having betrayed two of his oldest friends, the present and the putative Prime Minister, a bespectacled dagger-wielding octopus. Johnson had no option but to change the punchline of his speech and withdraw. His supporters, who had spent the last 3 days touring radio and TV studios extolling his virtues, were left in shock, gaping like fishes whilst the member of the St John’s Ambulance Brigade threw blankets over them and offered them warm tea. Gove, whose treachery is positively Shakespearian, may have been prompted into action when he failed to secure the promise of Chancellor in Johnson’s cabinet – like Richard 111, perhaps Boris was “not in the giving vein”. Or he might have been tempted by his horrible wife, Sarah Vine, a “journalist” on the Daily Mail, who seemed to think that her employer would support her husband’s bid for the top job. If so, they have been both soundly punished for their perfidy because the Daily Mail came out this morning for the new front runner, Teresa May.
Johnson and Gove ran a disgusting campaign. They promised £350m a week for the NHS, supposedly sums presently going into the Euro-coffers. Since then, they have admitted £350m was the wrong figure. They pooh-poohed all the experts who warned of financial meltdown whilst offering no forecast of their own. In fact, like Blair and Bush in Iraq, they could plan a victory but they had no idea of what to do with it afterwards. They stirred up hatred against migrants whilst affecting to be superior to the rabble-rousing Nigel Farage, whom they kept off their Battle Bus. They spoke of marauding Albanians and gazillions of Turks poised to destroy our way of life. And when, in the aftermath of the result, proud Englishmen approached foreigners in the street and told them to go home, even when some of those foreigners were not European at all, and many of whom held British passports or were born here, they said and did nothing to stop it, unwilling to condemn the conduct they had provoked.
Meanwhile some morons bleat that they never meant us to leave and only voted in inchoate protest or because they never thought Leave would actually win or that it meant Leave. WTF’s desire to line them up, slap them hard and then disenfranchise them for ever increased throughout the week. And for those young persons who whinge that their generation has been betrayed whilst not actually bothering to go out and vote themselves. People died to get the vote. This was the most important decision of our time and they fucked about with it.
The irony is that May, although nominally Remain, was virtually invisible throughout the campaign, keeping her head down and awaiting her moment. Meanwhile, Jeremy Corbyn, who did not do enough but was a damn sight more visible than May, was criticised by one and all for his lack of enthusiasm (WTF included), which was then used as the stick with which to try and poke him from office. On Sunday and Monday, virtually his whole Shadow Cabinet resigned in hourly slots, like Inter City Trains, people of whom you had never heard, doing jobs you did not know even existed, nonentities enjoying their five minutes of fame to be replaced by other nonentities of equal obscurity but even less experience. Despite losing a vote of no confidence, he remains in place, clinging to power like shit to a blanket, whilst the Unions and his remaining supporters outside the Parliamentary Party threaten his opponents with retribution and deselection. It could not be more unedifying. But the fact is that Corbyn was always unelectable as Prime Minister and he still enjoys the support of his party outside Westminster. There must have been a better way of ousting a fundamentally decent man who now resembles a wounded labrador.
So welcome to Brexit. Government in uproar. Opposition in meltdown. Economy in the toilet. Racists roaming the streets.
This precious stone set in a silver sea
which serves it in the office of a wall,
or a moat defensive to a house,
against the envy of less happier lands,
this blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England.
Let us cheer ourselves up with a dip into the week’s clothing cesspool with singer and back-again X Factor judge, Nicole Scherzinger wearing Ellery.
There is an awful lot of fabric here, Ninja Warrior meets Harrods’ bedding department, held together with giant sneaker laces and set off with a turd topknot.
Now to a WTF regular, actor Robert Downey Jnr. Whatever he is wearing, he should not be wearing it.
What are those trousers? What are those boots? What is occurring?
This is Games of Thrones’ Sophie Turner, aka Sansa Stark, wearing Louis Vuitton.
For reasons which are entirely unclear to WTF, Sophie is dressed as a sheep and more ludicrous boots. Baaaa…..
Another WTF regular and diva de luxe, Mariah Carey, wearing not nearly enough.
The good news is that she looks happy. The bad news is that she looks as if she is off to walk the streets. And wearing shiny tights UNDER stockings and suspenders is the ultimate sartorial pricktease.
Meet designers Vin and Omi at the premiere of Absolutely Fabulous – The Movie.
WTF used to run a feature about designers under the rubric “Physician – Heal Thyself”. These doctors are in need of urgent medical attention. Whatever is going on with Vin’s sleeves, they are very silly.
To the BET (Black Entertainment Television) Awards 2016, where a variety of eyeball-assaulting horror was to be found in bucketfuls, as it always is. We start with singer Tinashe wearing Phillipe Plein.
Including of course the now-mandatory arse…..
Here is actor Orlando Jones, looking very colourful.
That is colourful as in Pantone colour chart. Black sunglasses. Blue jacket. Green shirt. Tomato red trousers (with a very lamentable fit). Brown shoes. All that is missing the vomit yellow emanating from appalled onlookers….
Finally, we have rapper Remy Ma, wearing not much dress and Giuseppe Zanotti sandals. Brace yourselves…. THIS IS BAD!!!!
Remy spent time in prison for her involvement in a shooting. Frankly, she deserves another spell inside for inflicting this shockingness upon us – without the possibility of parole. Those tits are making a break for freedom and are pretty much over the fence, there is a Minge Moment waiting to happen and the whole thing is just terribly, terribly, terrible. Including the $$$$ sandals.
And now the winner of the WTF Summer Stinker Poll 2016…..
Sound producer Shawn Everett!!!
Shawn pitched up at the Grammys in this extraordinary ensemble. He moved into the lead over the weekend and stayed there until the end, a worthy winner. Pointless celebrity and Kardashian-to-be Blac Chyna and model Sadie Pinn fought to the finish for second and third place with Kim Kardashian in fourth.
This week’s It’s Got To Go is the steaming heap of poo that was the Engerland Football Team in the Euros. Our gallant lads went down 2-1 to mighty Iceland, a country previously known only for the Northern Lights, the Blue Lagoon and nicking our cod. Having our arse kicked by a nation with a population of 350,000, where the puffins far outnumber the people, is our lowest point yet in a distinguished history of footie failure. The manager (paid a ludicrous £3.5m a year) at least had the decency to resign within minutes of the final whistle but he should not be the only one out of the door. The players were under-motivated, overrated and lacking in guile and the old farts at the FA should be taken to a retirement home and left there. They have all Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as WTF loves them like anything, not to mention your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. And pass the word on to all you know to get reading. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x