Hallo Readers,

Google has just paid the Revenue £130m in corporation tax, a sum purportedly covering the past decade. On an estimated profit of £7.2bn for the same period. Chancellor Osborne was quick to claim credit for “a major success of our tax policy”. No. 10 was noticeably more circumspect and Tories various were openly critical, with good reason. Everyone did the maths and realised that Google had actually paid tax at a rate of about 3%, whilst the French authorities are currently negotiating a settlement with Google which is three times bigger on a much smaller turnover. Cameron and Osborne then backed so far away from the deal they were ankle deep in the Channel, denying all prior knowledge of it. HMRC says it cannot discuss individual cases, but Jim Harra, Head of Business Tax, maintains he is happy to stand by the agreement.  To add insult to injury, Harra earns some £400,000, including £235,000 paid into his pension pot. At Prime Minister’s Questions, Dave huffed and puffed and ranted on about how the Labour Government had never got any money out of Google so Corbyn should phone up Tony Blair or Gordon Brown and ask them about that. (Answer – they wouldn’t take his call and he would rather dip his head in a bucket of shit than make it). WTF would also observe that as Dave has been Prime Minister since 2010, “it’s all Labour’s fault” will not wash.

Of course, as is always the case with this Government, Dave and Georgie-boy have been tucked up under the metaphorical sheets with the main players. Google chief Eric Schmidt was Cameron’s business adviser between 2009 and 2014. Former Google PR Rachel Whetstone is married to his former chief strategist, Steve Hilton, and is godmother to one of Cameron’s sons. Joanna Shields, another former Google bigwig, is now Baroness Shields (ennobled, of course by Cameron) and his Internet Security Minister. Google executives have been in and out of Downing Street and Government departments 24 times; and those are just the meetings we know about. The stink is worse than a kennel of flatulent foxhounds. 

At the root of all this is tax avoidance and whether Google has a base in this country or in Ireland – it registers its UK sales there because the taxes are lower. That Google is building a huge new office in London to replace the three it already owns should be answer enough, but the labyrinth of companies and sub-companies and sub-sub-companies is more complex than the one Daedalus built to contain the Minotaur. Of course, that one was built to keep something in whereas this one was constructed by the well-known accounting firm Shyster & Shyster to keep the taxman out. If the law can be avoided, then change the law. If companies want to flog advertising here,  pay taxes like anyone else or bugger off elsewhere. Google, as Starbucks and Amazon did before it, bleats that it brings employment but so what? It also makes money here.  Dave is very fond of telling us that public funds are our money, not the Government’s, which means that unpaid tax is also our money, or would be if the bastards ever paid it.  Was interest charged? Were penalties charged? The ordinary defaulter would be clobbered with both. Did Google get a discount because of friends in high places?  There is a public register of tax avoided but it simply gives a global figure. Time for facts and figures. We need to know.

To the week’s sartorial sinkhole. Melissa McCarthy is not in this week but only because there was no red carpet for her to walk. Let us start instead with a glorious example of British womanhood, TV reality “star” Chloe Ferry from the shag-fest show, Geordie Shore, wearing House of CB at a launch for hair pieces.

There is a pony on Dartmoor without its tail. Probably several ponies. Given her admitted penchant for cosmetic surgery, it is difficult to identify which bits of Chloe are in fact her own, although she maintains that her boobs are as Nature intended. She is certainly giving us an eyeful of them in this hideous, slithery, housecoat. As for the plumped up lips, they resemble a couple of rubber tyres lately driven through a pile of putrid plums.

Next, we travel to the Producers’ Guild Awards where we find excellent actress Sarah Paulson wearing Prabal Gurung.

Er… she looks as if someone eating tomato-based foodstuffs has just thrown up on her. A vomit-strewn sack would not be most people’s look of choice. Or, by the look of her, Sarah’s. On the plus side, the shoes are pretty.

To Paris Fashion Week where, as usual, nonsense was in abundance.  First up is Russian supermodel and billionaire’s wife, Elena Perminova, wearing Valentino at Valentino.

Here are the reasons why WTF has taken against this dress. First, it is shit-coloured. Second, the feathery things make her look like a duck with cuffs.  Third, the jewelled tits are like half-closed eyes. Fourth, you can clearly see her nipple pasties AND her panties. And fifth, those bootees are the pits. Any one of them would have been enough.

Here is another model, Gigi Hadid, leaving her hotel in One Diamond trashed jeans.

In fairness, the jeans have been extensively re-trashed by Gigi so that there is hardly anything left of them at all. To describe them as trashed would be like describing war-torn Dresden as damaged – this was an all-out carpet-bomb mission. The coat and shirt are, however, lovely.

She’s here again! Yes, it’s one of our most regular regulars, Rita Ora, wearing Versace at Versace.

On being asked for his opinion on this outfit, friend Michael remarked “how could I like it? Most of it is missing”. WTF would add that she hates a visible groin almost above all things and also wishes to mention that Rita is trussed up like a rotisserie chicken – and is about the same colour.

Then there was rapper Iggy Azalea attending the Viktor & Rolf show and wearing their creation and putrid pink hair.

Yikes! Why bother to wear a top at all? Or, for that matter, a skirt? And why is she carrying her cat on a chain?

We conclude with perennial offender, fashion victim and Formula 1 champion Lewis Hamilton, wearing Louis Vuitton.

As Big John at the gym remarked, he looks like a bad bedspread. A pink and baby blue bomber jacket with little pastel-striped cuffs and embroidered birdies. Uber-shiny trousers last seen on Al Pacino at his son’s communion party in Godfather 2. Super-bright hi-top trainers. Plus the bling on wrists and ears. No wonder he is wearing sunglasses.  Major Tim Peake must have spotted the glare from outer space.

But dud of the week is undoubtedly this one. Meet actress Liana Mendoza, attending the premiere of the movie Fifty Shades of Black, wearing Rouba G.

Liana stars in the TV show American Horror Story and this outfit certainly is one. Indeed, it is one of the worst things WTF has ever seen. A titsy truss worn under a leaded light window with its own built-in fly screen. Why would you even think of wearing it?

Last week’s It’s Got To Go featured extreme food wankiness in the form of black coffee served in a test tube.  WTF aficionado Justified Sinner (aka @wringhim) then alerted   WTF to  @wewantplates, which has been campaigning against the nonsensical trend of serving food on anything other than plates – jam jars, mini frying baskets, roof slates, plant pots, trays and even skateboards. But of all of them, in WTF’s opinion this is the nadir.

A penile pickle wedged into the bottom of a Russian doll. Not only is it unsanitary, it is preposterous and clear evidence of objectophilia. A team of psychologists should be rushing to the aid of the lunatic foodies responsible for this outrage. Readers, be vigilant! This whole trend has most definitely Got To Go. 

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Keep those comments rolling in which keep WTF in good spirits in the face of extreme provocation, (yes I mean you, Diego Costa and your horrible, cheating, Chelsea teammates), and do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x