Hallo Readers,

Well, Labour has gone and done it. It has elected Jeremy Corbyn, a man with no experience of Government, no experience of leadership, no experience of running anything except a bath. He got off to a bad start. First he shunned the Press and refused all interviews. Then he failed to sing the National Anthem in St Paul’s Cathedral at a ceremony honouring Battle of Britain veterans and pitched up with his collar unfastened and his tie askew. He may have stuck to his beliefs in refusing to extol God and Her Majesty but it was nevertheless a massive own goal. He should have activated his tonsils because (i) it is the National Anthem until we change it, which by the way we should as it is very dreary (ii) the Queen is the Head of State until we change her (which is not Labour policy) (iii) he was there as Leader of the Opposition and not as Jeremy Corbyn (iv) he is a Privy Councillor and (v) it was louche. The tabloids, those bastions of propriety and etiquette (phone hacking, anyone?), kicked up an Almighty fuss and Jez has now said he will sing it in future. Oh and he appeared at his first Prime Minister’s Questions wearing a tie, albeit a horrid one, with his collar properly fastened.

WTF is more concerned at the appointment of his campaign manager John McDonnell as Shadow Chancellor, the only Labour MP to the left of Corbyn and formerly an enthusiastic admirer of the IRA (last night he apologised for claiming that dead IRA activists should be “honoured for their part in the peace process”). McDonnell was sacked as Chair of Finance at the Greater London Council by Ken Livingstone amidst allegations of political (not personal) dodginess in the presentation of the figures. It is safe to say that McDonnell is unlikely to inspire trust amongst the bankers New Labour courted so assiduously in recent years or indeed anyone who owns as much as a sweet stall. The job should have gone to Angela Eagle who was a Treasury Minister and possesses those elusive qualities of experience and knowledge. It is one thing to give your mate a big job. It is quite another to make that man your Shadow Chancellor without the requisite experience. It is amateur. On the other hand McDonnell appeared on last night’s Question Time and doubtless to the great disappointment of the Rabid Right, he came across as polite and cogent. Oh, and the Shadow Agriculture and Environment appointee is a vegan who has described livestock farming as “cruel and dirty”.  There is more than a whiff of ragbag about the whole enterprise. 

That said, the more experienced members of the Shadow Cabinet flounced off to the back benches despite Corbyn winning 59% of the vote, sticking two fingers up to the Party electorate and leaving him no choice but to give the barrel a bit of a scrape. Yet if Corbyn is to get anywhere, even as Mr Anti-Establishment-Breath-of-Fresh-Air, he must present himself and his team as credible. Of the leadership candidates, only Andy Burnham joined the Shadow Cabinet. But Labour MPs, 90% of whom voted against Corbyn, have to think carefully about what they do next. They are either planning a Malcolm Turnbull-style coup or waiting for him to self-destruct but they should remember that he got more votes than the other candidates put together and on a huge turnout.  People backed him because they were sick of the slick, interchangeable, Tory-lite, stage-managed, I-speak-your-weight-machine, scripted nodding doggies who previously ran the show and got trounced at the General Election. Whether it all goes tits up for Corbyn (and WTF strongly suspects it will do) remains to be seen. But put bluntly, his reluctant MPs need to shit or get off the pot.

We start with American model Charlotte McKinney attending Chris von Wagenheim’s (nope – me neither) book launch in Los Angeles wearing a sheet.

That is not cleavage – that is more of an aerial view of the Alps. The outfit is simultaneously too big around the top (no mean feat in Charlotte’s case) and too tight around the crotch (yes, it is Beastie Yeastie time again) whilst the trousers flap about like sails in the Sydney to Hobart yacht race. As for the chain belt, it manages to make Charlotte look square which she isn’t. 

The Toronto Film festival had a few horrors on the Red Carpet. Shudder at Rachel McAdams wearing Valentino.

This is officially a pity. WTF has a lot of time for Rachel who was the only good thing about the second series of True Detective, eight hours of  incomprehensible, mumbling gloom with acting hammier than an Iberico pork farm. But this is dreadful and the skill of the embroidery does not compensate for the overall impression of a couture shower curtain.

Also going very wrong indeed was lovely and talented actress Naomi Watts wearing Faustino Puglisi.

This is one of the silliest things anyone has ever seen. What is it supposed to be? A baffled WTF can only conclude that Faustino drew inspiration from those joint fashion icons, Betty Rubble and Errol Flynn as Robin Hood.

And so to New York Fashion Week and actress and model Emily Ratajkowski wearing Balmain at the Vogue Party.

She looks like a cross-dressing Coldstream Guard. What is the point of lace trousers? They don’t cover anything and they don’t keep you warm, which is usually the purpose of wearing trousers at all. That is all WTF has to say about lace trousers. Next!

We stop at the Hervé Leger show and actress Victoria Justice wearing one of his creations.

Here’s the thing. She is lovely. The colour is lovely. The dress is hideous, the result of a nervous ambulance trainee practising bandage techniques – in the dark.

This is ridiculous blogger and general pain Perez Hilton wearing Jeremy Scott (designing in his own name not for Moschino).

Perez is wearing silly glasses, hamburger pyjamas and white hi-top trainers. Perez is 37. Next!

WTF is starting to worry about gorgeous singer Ciara who has recently made a number of very duff fashion choices. This is another one, courtesy of Givenchy.

And this is the side view. 

This falls firmly into the category of “That’s Not Even Clothes”. It is instead a random collection of scraps, a bodysuit, some chintz last seen draping a Victorian coffin and sex worker boots. Here is a WTF Golden Rule – if your arse is on show, it shouldn’t be.

If you thought that was bad, get a load of this. I speak of Nicki Minaj also wearing Givenchy.

Here’s the rear – and I mean that literally.

This is sort of Carmen meets the Lion King in the Serengeti. Meanwhile WTF is harbouring grave doubts about Nicki’s bottom and fears that there has been some interference with the workings of nature….

This week’s It’s Got to Go is Cheryl Fernandez-Versini, formerly Cole, née Tweedy. First, she can’t sing a note. Second, she sits in judgement on X Factor on people who can sing – and sing live, unlike Cheryl who has to mime to avoid sounding like a scalded cat.  Third, having got worryingly skinny, she has given a number of wholly different and specious explanations for it. And fourth, having got worryingly skinny she now wants “body shaming” (i.e. noticing that she has got worrying skinny) to be made a criminal offence. A criminal offence! As serious as, say, smacking a toilet attendant on the face whilst pissed in a nightclub …. 

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. You are still being a bit reluctant with your comments, plunging WTF into deep gloom and despondency so hit the keyboard prontissimo and do not forget your excellent suggestions for It’s Got to Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

11 responses to “WTF Jez We Can Special”

  1. Have to disagree with your assessment of the appointment of Kerry McCarthy as Shadow Environment Sec. I think it is inspired. She is very knowledgeable, very capable and will absolutely wipe the floor with the fragrant Ms Truss. Anyway, you don’t need to be a meat eater to be able to deal with the farming industry, there are arable farms too 😊 And as a member of the League Against Cruel Sports, it will be good to see her come up against the hunting fraternity.

    I agree with you about Angela Eagle and the Shadow Chancellor role, but in her current one she will deal with Gideon when he stands in for Call Me Dave at PMQs. Hope he’s already having nightmares.

    1. fashionshark

      Anyone who kicks Liz Truss gets my vote! What a ghastly woman. Ghastly.

      1. Did you ever see the news clip of her announcing she was going to China on a trade trip? She was so pleased with herself, you would have thought she had invented the jet engine especially. She’s like the Head Girl who thinks she’s really cool and doesn’t realise everyone laughs at her.

  2. 1. As someone who has been “worryingly skinny” for my whole life I’m not certain why noticing that I’m worryingly skinny is any less a valid observation than noticing that I have dark hair and glasses.
    2. Whether Nikki Minaj has added inches naturally or with medical assistance is irrelevant.
    Her outfit doesn’t do anything for me.
    But those shoes are awful. The human foot was not designed to be treated that way. Those shoes are not comfortable and they are not safe and they are not attractive. I realize that not everyone agrees with me that shoes should be sturdy, stable, and secure, but fashion shoe designers really need to take a basic anatomy course and pay special attention to the part that describes how the human foot works.
    3. “If your arse is on show it shouldn’t be.”
    Words to live by, but why do some people need this explained to them?

    1. Sorry, but much as I think Nikki Minaj is a waste of oxygen and looks ridiculous, I LOVE the shoes! Probably couldn’t walk very far, but then that’s not what they were designed for.

      1. fashionshark

        The shoes are very much NOT the issue compared to the rest

      2. I was trying to wipe the rest of it from my brain!

      3. fashionshark
  • The highlight of every Friday morning! – I think WTF should be Prime Minister, Leader of the Labour Party, or at the very least made a Saint!

  • I LOVE it when something falls under the category “that’s not even clothes”–, such as Ciara. But Nicki Minaj’s posterior is truly terrifying. If she walks through a crowd, do people get knocked over?…

  • I would think it has it’s own zip code and is a danger to shipping.

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