This week is about the End of Shame. We will get to the sartorial shitpile shortly but first there is moral shame. WTF is all for rehabilitation but that involves those concerned recognising that their conduct was wrong. Over the past few days, people whom you had hoped had gone away for good popped back up brazen and unapologetic. Take Douglas Hogg, MP for Grantham until 2010 when he stepped down in the aftermath of the Parliamentary expenses scandal. It was Hogg who submitted the notorious claim for cleaning his moat at his estate Kettlethorpe Hall together with the cost of a full time housekeeper, work to his stables, tuning his piano and £617 for a mole-catcher. The only surprise is that there was no claim for the cost of a minion to wipe his arse. Cameron tried to get him a life Barony in 2011 but the appointment was blocked. Now he has been elevated to the House of Lords in the Dissolution Honours List even though he already is a bloody Viscount. What Hogg can add to the Parliamentary process is unclear but doubtless the £300 a day he will trouser from the taxpayer will allow the moat to be cleaned yet again at public expense.
Then we have Rebekah Brooks. Readers will recall that in 2011 the News of the World shut down after the extent of its systematic phone hacking became clear, including the phone of missing schoolgirl Milly Dowler who was later found dead. Brooks, who was Editor during the Dowler hacking before progressing via The Sun to CEO of News International, resigned a week later with a payoff of £16m. She stood trial but was acquitted, having convinced the jury that just because she had edited both papers and later ran the whole company AND had been sleeping with her deputy Andy Coulson for six years (and he knew all about the hacking) did not mean that she knew anything about anything and how very dare anyone even suggest otherwise. Brooks will resume her role as CEO on Monday. Robert Thomson, Rupert Murdoch’s henchman, issued the following statement: “Her expertise, excellence and leadership will be crucial as we work to extend our relationship with readers and advertisers and develop our digital platforms to take full advantage of our brilliant journalism.” This, by the way, is the same Murdoch who told the House of Commons Select Committee enquiring into phone hacking “this is the most humble day of my life”. Yeah, right.
And then we had gruesome twosome Tony and Cherie Blair, the Nicolae and Elena Ceausesçu of British political life. Earlier when The Guardian claimed that Cherie had lobbied pal Hillary Clinton in 2010 on behalf of that well-known champion of human rights, the Crown Prince of Qatar, she denounced the article as “sensationalist and inaccurate”. Now Clinton’s private emails have been released to the US Senate and show that The Guardian was right. Do not hold your breath for an apology Readers – you will expire. Meanwhile Cherie’s husband wrote a piece in The Guardian likening Jeremy Corbyn’s policies to Alice in Wonderland. This from the man who persuaded us to invade Iraq on the basis of a dodgy dossier more fictional than anything Lewis Carroll could ever have conceived and whose actions destabilised the Middle East with the horrifying results we see now all over European ports and train stations. Not a scintilla of shame amongst the lot of them. Nauseating.
The Video Music Awards and fashion are only very distantly related but this year was an absolute shocker. First in line for the week’s sartorial slating is Jeremy Scott, the Creative Director of Moschino.
Like a circus ringmaster who has lost his whip. And his shirt. And his mind. Just go away….
This is the wondrous Baddie Winkle, 86 year old Instagram sensation (1.3m followers) from Williamstown, Kentucky.
A strapless bra is rarely a good idea on older women as it tends to exacerbate those hamster pouches under the arms. And this strapless bra is peeking out. But as you can see, Baddie is not one to worry about appearances. The gaping mouth is like a tunnel of love direct to places you don’t want to think about arriving at and it is giving WTF the creeps.
Next up we have a couple of women famous only because of their exes – Blac Chyna, formerly attached to rapper Tyga (now squiring young Kylie Jenner) and Amber Rose, former inamorata of Kanye West (now married to Kylie’s half-sister Kim Kardashian).
According to Blac and Amber they were fed up with being called derogatory names for flashing their cosmetically-enhanced chests and wearing skin-tight clothing so Blac is flashing her cosmetically-enhanced chest and Amber is wearing skin-tight clothing and they are both covered in derogatory names. I mean that’s proper post-modern ironic, innit?
Speaking of Tyga the love god, here he is. Be still my beating heart…
What an absolute prat. It is surprising that he can even hold his head up with the weight of those gold chains around his neck and for some reason he has the remains of a parachute over his shoulders.
We now meet singer and star of Empire Serayah wearing Hervé Leger.
Did Serayah come straight from the beach? As for Hervé Leger, he recently pronounced that he did not want fat women and lesbians to wear his creations. He need not worry. There will be no queue for this one…
OK let us get the sheer stuff out of the way with two ultra-hideous creations by Kuwaiti designer Labourjoisie. First up is Nicki Minaj.
And almost the same but even worse is Britney Spears. Her dress appears to be made out of the remnants from Nicki’s creation.
WTF would bet a pound to a pitch of shit that women in Kuwait do not go around dressed like this unless they are belly-dancers. Nicki’s dress puts horrified onlookers in fear of an imminent Minge Moment. Britney’s bellybutton is on show and her tittage is about to make a bid for freedom. How on earth did she breathe?
Here is Ciara wearing Alexandre Vauthier, a man for whom a seam is anathema.
Even Ciara cannot get away with this. She seems to be hiding behind squid ink spaghetti drying in a doorway and the high neck makes her look as if her head is impaled on a spike.
This is musical theatre actor, singer and (*shudders*) You Tube star Frankie Grande. Look at him! I defy your fingers not to twitch…
Frankie is doing that jazz-hands, open-mouthed, I’ve-just-had-sex!!!!! thing as seen on David Furnish. His shorts appear to house the entire contents of his sock drawer and WTF does not even want to consider why his chest is so shiny.
The MC on this occasion was Miley Cyrus. She wore a series of quite appalling outfits throughout the night but hit the Red Carpet wearing Versace.
Miley and Versace in combination are more toxic than a caravan holiday in Chernobyl. Covering your nips with a harness and wearing the bottom half of a chandelier as a skirt is not an outfit. This falls squarely into the category of “That’s Not Even Clothes”. There is more material in the boots.
Imagine sitting down in this. Ouch.
Finally, there is always some nonentity who turns up looking stupid in a bid to get noticed. Remember Albanian songbird Bleona Gereti wearing a sparkling fishing net at the American Music Awards? Usually the said nonentity is virtually naked but in this year’s flesh-flash-fest, American singer-songwriter Z Lala stood out covered up in vintage Christian Dior.
Well it is novel but it is also bonkers. She looks like Merlin on the run from the asylum. And there is the little matter of her eyes like a couple of tarantulas out on the lash.
This week’s It’s to To Go is suggested by WTF aficionado Ben from Moorgate who is enraged by strangers dawdling two or three abreast on the busy London pavements, blocking his timely arrival at work. Ben says that if there are cycle lanes on the roads, why not ambling lanes on the pavements with another lane reserved for those in a hurry? Ben for Mayor!
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There were loads of splendid comments last week which made WTF all happy and smiling so keep them coming as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got to Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x