WTF Grayling Special

Hallo Readers, 

Former Lord Chancellors of this Sceptred Isle include Thomas À Beckett, Cardinal Wolsey, Sir Thomas More, Lord Eldon, Lord Halsbury and Lord Haldane. And now we have non-lawyer Chris Grayling, a man who would have to double in significance even to attain mediocrity. Grayling wants to pull us out of the European Convention of Human Rights and the European Court of Human Rights and says he will repeal the Human Rights Act unless the Court assumes only an advisory role. His paper, released last Friday, has more holes than a Swiss Cheese. Our friends the Scots and the Northern Irish have enshrined links to the ECHR. It seems a rum state of affairs where Cameron runs around Caledonia like a headless chicken trying to keep the Union together only to threaten a further schism should the Tories win the election. And it might be nice if Cameron and Grayling told us which Human Rights they take exception to. Right to Life? Right to Privacy? Right to Family Life? Right to Freedom of Speech? Right to Freedom of Religion? They say they will enact a new Bill of Rights but which ones are they going to leave out? Which ones are they going to put in? And who is going to police it? If our Courts can only interpret our laws, what happens if our law contravenes the Convention?

The sad truth is that most people do not know the difference between the European Union, the Court of Justice for the European Union, the European Convention on Human Rights and the European Court of Human Rights. They have no more grasp of which Rights are set out in the Convention than they do of nuclear physics. The European Court of Human Rights protects basic rights in the Convention of which we are not only a signatory but largely the author. It has nothing to do with whether Romanians have the right to live in Clacton or the regulation size of a carrot. But Cameron, Grayling are so terrified of the beer-breath of Nigel Farage on their necks that they want to be seen to do something manly and patriotic. As for the idea of the Court being only advisory, this is a concept that could catch on. Next time you go to court and lose the case, thank the Judge nicely for his or her time and say that you value the advice but actually, they can stick the judgment where the sun don’t shine. This is what the Tories want to do in 2015. Don’t let them.

We move to the disastrous fashion faux-pas of the week, starting with the gruesome twosome of Simon Cowell and one of his many exes, one-hit-wonder Sinitta, welcoming the last six hopefuls in the X Factor Over-25 category to his LA home. During their final sing-off, Simon told Sinitta that most of them were shite (true) and he couldn’t remember one of them at all (rude), rather begging the question why he chose them in the first place. 

Sinitta’s role on these occasions is limited to greeting the guests half-naked so that Simon can react with mock-appalled-surprise (like he didn’t already know). The combination of the hair-kini, the hideous platform shoes and the Hiawatha headdress is as offensive as can be, although WTF’s chief concerns are the knees (Is it carpet burn? Just asking….). As for Simon, just look at the state of him.  Richer than Croesus and he goes on telly flashing his hairy moobs in a crumpled shirt and a pair of $10 jeans from the Walmart rummage basket.

Now we have chanteuse Eliza Doolittle (née Eliza Caird) parading around London with what the tabloids call a “mystery man”. Eliza is showing a lot of chest…..

What is going on here? This attire falls squarely into the category of “that’s not even clothes”. Wrapping your tits in ribbon, baring your belly-button and wearing jeans where the ratio of denim to flesh is roughly 50:50 does not equate to being dressed, even if you are wearing a teeny-tiny jacket. This hideous new trend of jackets without a top or with a top so small that it does not actually qualify as a top HAS TO END.

Here is Oscar-winner Jared Leto parading around New York also showing an awful lot of chest and looking like a twat.

Is side-boob on a man side-moob?  Whatever it is, it is a shocker. Why should citizens of New York have to put up with this as they go about their daily business? It is more than time that celebs started covering up. Thank Gawd it is nearly winter…….

WTF has raged like Job against the horrors of the see-through skirt, but still it keeps coming right at us. This one, though, as worn by Rita Ora, is the absolute nadir.

So here is a birdcage worn as a skirt with black knickers and a white shirt tucked into the birdcage.  There is as much use in tucking a shirt into a see -through skirt as, to quote a disgruntled caller to a radio phone-in on Ed Miliband, a boil on the scrotum. I mean, look at this. It is simply a nonsense.

As for Rita, the bird appears to have flown and died on her head…..

This is American country singer Kelly Willis at a red-carpet thing in Berlin wearing something terribly, terribly terrible.

Kelly has four kids so one can understand her desire to show off her abs but we are also getting an eyeful of her belly button, her hipbones and everything in-between. That would be bad enough, but to flash the flesh AND wear a geometric, patchwork pantsuit with trompe l’oeil Hollywood Wax and a cape like the love child of Don Juan and the Pied Piper is just not on.

Finally, we have wonderful Anna Gunn from Breaking Bad wearing the most horrible creation by Marchesa. This is the front….

The skirt is pretty, but the shirt and ill-fitting jacket combo makes her look like Manuel in Fawlty Towers.

The view from the side demonstrates why it doesn’t fit….

It’s got no sides! It’s got no back! From this angle she looks as if she is being molested by Manuel. It could not be any more terrible. And the same goes for those orange legs…. it is time for Anna’s stylist to receive a slap, a P45 and then another slap. 

This week’s It’s Got To Go is suggested by WTF aficionado Nicola from West London who takes issue with people wearing backpacks on the Tube.  It is bad enough that you are squeezed into a rush hour train with your nose pressed into someone’s whiffy armpit whilst forced to listen to someone else’s horrible music choices thumping tinnily into your ear without having to suffer a rucksack occupying two standing-spaces. It is even more dangerous when you are sitting down with your face no more than three inches from a stranger’s rectal area, only to be struck in the eye by the aforesaid rucksack or clouted round the head as the  owner picks it up and swings it about like King Kong astride the Empire State Building. They’ve got to go – or at least be the subject of a separate fare. In a separate carriage.

OK Readers that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in (there was a goodly crop last week which made WTF was very happy) and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and let us meet again next week. Be good.

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11 Responses to WTF Grayling Special

  1. Petra Fried says:

    Hilarious, the manuel comment made me laugh, not sure you went on quite long enough about the hairy bikini which is just very weird indeed…Px

  2. Laura says:

    Simon’s knees always appear very high up his legs, now I wonder why that might be? Do we know what lies under the flares? Kelly’s “pantsuit” is a take on riding chaps worn over trousers, but they are so highly patterned really would scare any horse away, she better stick to mechanical bulls. Who told Sinitta to come in fancy dress? The indigenous people of USA/Canada find having their culture appropriated by settlers highly offensive. Regards Cameron and talk of leaving the EU, I think it’s all hot air to win some UKIP voters back. We know that the UK doesn’t give a toss about human rights, Theresa May keeps locking up innocent men on the basis they are brown/Muslim and the government have been complicit in torture, when will May/Blair etc be prosecuted?

  3. OMG I so look forward to Fridays, just to read your blog!!

  4. sairsebourke says:

    Sinitta wasn’t a one hit wonder. She had 4 UK top 10 singles which is 3 more than most X Factor contestants get. So she is an expert of sorts. I was a little surprised that she and Si are friends again after her mega twitter meltdown the weekend that it all came out that he had forgotten to put something on the end of it (as Jeremy Kyle would say) and a little Cowell was on its way.

    My bugbear is televised fishing. Robson Green and the bloke that looks like a geography teacher spend hours clogging up the TV schedules each day with their brand of “extreme” angling. All the shows seem to feature them going somewhere exotic to catch some fugly fish with massive teeth. The fish doesn’t want to be caught but they get it in the end. Once you have seen one, you have seen them all. It is as interesting as being read highlights from the Wickes catalogue and it has got to go.

  5. Rebecca Jay says:

    The Eliza Doolittle look is worrying indeed. For all the reasons you give AND the fact that her (actually quite pretty) shoes are holding up (or is it down?) the bottom of the trouser legs. Was she worried that they might just fall off completely as she walked along due to the lack of stitching anywhere around the knees? Of course, that must be it! How silly of me not to realise that…groan..

  6. Tally says:

    The Rita Ora `thing` is totally horrible, and her fat bum is even worse. It looks like it has been squeezed into one of those bags oranges come in. But what one earth is the woman behind her wearing??? So nice to see I’m not the only one with a strong dislike of our MP Chris Grayling, Minister for Justice (Unless you are a badger.They eat hedgehogs and bees, you know).

  7. Frank T. says:

    That’s not country singer Kelly Willis. Kelly is a down-to-earth singer who wears vintage dresses paired with cowboy boots.

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