WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2013

Hallo Readers,

Here it is! The WTF Christmas Turkey Poll  featuring the worst of the last 6 months since you voted last June for the WTF Summer Stinker. Here are 18 examples of sartorial horror and your mission is to vote for one or more of them, and, should you so wish, to leave unpleasant comments to go with your votes.

WTF showed the draft of this blog to a feminist friend who spent the rest of the day blaming WTF for searing her eyeballs. It is still astonishing that women want to parade about in public showcasing their fake tits, belly buttons and nether regions but it is also profoundly depressing because feminism was about allowing women to be taken seriously, not for them to dress like the sexist stereotypes we were trying to rescue them from. You never get a man at a film premiere or showbiz party with his dangly bits hanging out or his arse on show…. do you ever wonder why?

Not all the women here are flashing the flesh and the men certainly are not (see above). But don’t let that stop you voting for them. Each and every one of the candidates below is wearing something absolutely putrid and deserves your obloquy.

Oh, and some people have been omitted because they are doing it on purpose, which means that there is no Lady Gaga (who is, in any event, the subject of @WTF_EEK‘s campaign of #GagGaga), Nikki Minaj, Courtney Stodden  and Rita Ora.  Meanwhile some former sinners seem to have reformed, perhaps only temporarily and so they have managed to stay out of the blog for months. Keep up the good work Nancy dell’Olio and Helen Flanagan.

You can vote for as many of the candidates as you like (just tick the box or boxes you want to vote for and there is no complex single  transferable vote or any of that palaver) but just make sure that you do vote and that you tell everybody you know to do the same. The results will be published on Twitter next Friday 27 December and in WTF’s next blog on Friday January 3 2014. There is no point bringing you a blog before then as all the celebs are parading their bikini bodies in sunlit spots for the delectation of the Daily Mail and the politicians are all away as well. Have a very Happy Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Winterval and a very Happy New Year.

Lots of love,

WTF Fashion Shark xxxxx

image

Right, off we go….. 

1. AZEALIA BANKS, RAPPER

Lovebox - Day 1

Just a thong at twilight?  The onesie looks like a giant ridged nappy. When she takes it off, she must look as if she has been mowed, like the tennis courts at Wimbledon.

2. VICTORIA BECKHAM, DESIGNER

vb

Mrs Beckham wore this at New York Fashion Week and told us that it was her favourite dress of her S/S 2014 collection but it got the bird from all and sundry, probably because it looked like a giant tent made out of the lining you put on mattresses to protect them against the sad consequences of incontinence.

3. ENZO MICCIO, TV PRESENTER AND WEDDING PLANNER

enzo

Italian uomo di mondo Enzo hit Milan fashion week in this remarkable getup including pea green shoes and turquoise socks. WTF has never seen a man in green shoes before and fervently hopes never to repeat the experience.

4. MILEY CYRUS, ACTRESS,  SINGER AND TWERKER.

miley tits

Miley is clearly desperate to prove that she is all grown up and has spent 2013 running around showing us everything she has, twerking like a mad person and generally being a pain. Those black nipple covers make her look as if she is suffering from a virulent strain of something particularly nasty.

5. JAMES GOLDSTEIN, BILLIONAIRE BUSINESSMAN.

james

James has two great passions, American football and major fashion events. At the time WTF noted that his outfit was Paul Hogan meets Ozzie Osbourne on Brokeback Mountain, accessorized by a titsy blonde. Fashion disaster and fashion victim.

6. GEMMA MERNA, ACTRESS

2. image

Gemma attended the Inside Soap Awards in a foul lime green leather dress by someone called Zeynep Kartal and parading  a pair of the fakest tits that WTF ever did see in her life. This is the quintessential soap star look, orange as a tangerine, hideous clothes and tits like a pair of plastic footballs. If she fell forward, she would probably bounce.

7. BAMBI, TV REALITY  STAR 

BET Hip Hop Awards 2013 - Red Carpet

WTF had never heard of Bambi before she spied this photograph of her at the BET Hip Hop Awards but how could she ignore this? The bodice must be stuck on with industrial strength glue.  Disrobing  would not be a pleasant experience…

8. ELLIE GOULDING,  SINGER

image

This horror was designed by Julien Macdonald who has become king of the Minge Moment, but as Ellie was appearing on X Factor she needed to keep her ladyparts under wraps. As a compromise, she wore these two glittery flaps of sequinned cloth over some very visible looking Spanx. The Daily Telegraph was appalled. It spoke for the nation.

9. BOBBY TRENDY, TV REALITY STAR AND INTERIOR DESIGNER

bobby

Bobby is a TV personality who sprang to fame as Anna Nicole Smith’s interior designer and is now recording a series with Courtney Stodden. It might be the pose but he looks like a tarnished silver teapot. And those shoes…..

10. ABBEY CLANCY, MODEL AND STAR OF THIS YEAR’S STRICTLY COME DANCING

image

It is Julien Macdonald again, in a variation of the dress worn by Ellie Goulding. This one has little union jacks all over it like cheap bunting and Abbey felt free to do the Full Monty. Unfortunately, this was at a charity event for British servicemen on the eve of Armistice Sunday and so it was just wrong on every level.

11.  IGGY AZALEA, RAPPER

image

Australian rapper Iggy attended the European Music Awards in one of the year’s ultimate Minge Moments by Dilek Hanif. Her waxing technician should be congratulated. Her stylist should be shot.

12. KIM KARDASHIAN, FAMOUS FOR BEING FAMOUS AND THE FUTURE MRS KANYE WEST

kim mesh

Kim is determined to show us her post-baby body but here she just looks mummified – like Tutankhamen but with tits. 

13. JAIMIE ALEXANDER,  ACTRESS

Oops! Jaimie Alexander goes for a risky see-through dress but shows slightly too much at the premiere of 'Thor: The Dark World', LA

As WTF noted at the time, this thing by Azzaro  Couture has flown past Minge Moment and landed on Planet Mega Minge. Utterly hideous.

14. JODIE KIDD, SUPERMODEL

Harpers Bazaar Women Of The Year Awards - Arrivals

Jodie demonstrates that you can be covered up from head to toe and still look offensive. After WTF featured this dress by Tom Ford, Readers complained of headaches and dizziness and threatened legal action. Whatever Tom was doing, he shouldn’t have been doing it.

15. CHARO, ACTRESS, COMEDIENNE AND FLAMENCO GUITARIST

charo

Charo was a big TV star in the 1970’s and has not changed her style much since then. It is admirable that a woman of 62 is unafraid to show us cleavage, thigh and hips. But we do not wish to see it. 

16. LIL’ KIM, SINGER

lil kim cameltoe

O.M.G. O.M.G. O.M.G. O.M.G. O.M.G. O.M.G. O.M.G. O.M.G. O.M.G. O.M.G.

17. ANNA DELLO RUSSO, FASHIONISTA AND EDITOR AT LARGE OF VOGUE JAPAN

image

Ultimate fashionista Anna is there to look stupid. It is in her job description. She has fulfilled it.

18. SARAH HARDING, SINGER

sarah knickers

Pubes and arse simultaneously. Truly emetic. This “dress” was designed by British designer Louis Heal. It needed more skirt. And a better fitting bodice. No, fuck it. It needed a different dress.

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5 Responses to WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2013

  1. Rebecca Jay says:

    Miley Cyrus and Lil’ Kim – Miley by a short ‘mile’ – although I suspect she too may be doing it on purpose! I voted before commenting – glad to see others agree with me. Brilliant, brilliant year of WTF again – and you have scaled new heights in the social and political commentary department as well as keeping us all on our toes on the world’s sartorial fashion disasters. what would we do without you on a Friday morning? Happy Holidays x

  2. Petra Fried says:

    excellent way to pass the time on my last day of work

  3. Andrew Purcell says:

    Tough choices. Voting “All of the Above” was a temptation, but as a movie ad once put it:
    “In the end there can be only one.”
    The exhibitionists managed to cancel each other out, leaving only those who managed to convince me that they were too clueless to look in a mirror before the left the house.
    The plaid. The color combinations. The poor fit. The pants that appear to reach his armpits.
    Enzo, I’m proud of you. No matter the final vote, you are the 2013 Christmas Turkey. Now please get a mirror. You might also consider getting your eyes examined. Your local library may also carry the pamphlet “How I Dress Myself”. It should be on the shelf with the coloring books.

  4. Anna says:

    Had to vote for Sarah Harding – Lil Kim clearly looks worse, but I think she knows what she’s doing, whereas Sarah obviously thought that monstrosity was a pretty dress. She needs to be told.

  5. Sue says:

    Well, you certainly didn’t make it easy for us! I had to vote for several. The award for `Thank God she had it on that way round` is definitely Azalea Banks, Bobby Trendy wins `Looking like a Christmas turkey while dying for a pee`, Charo gets `If I look like that when I’m 62 please shoot me`, Lil Kim wins `Just go away and put some decent clothes on`. But the overall winner in the `Getting as many things no-one wants to see hanging out of one dress` category has to be Sarah Harding. I have one question though, who ARE these people??

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