Here it is! The WTF Christmas Turkey Poll featuring the worst of the last 6 months since you voted last June for the WTF Summer Stinker. Here are 18 examples of sartorial horror and your mission is to vote for one or more of them, and, should you so wish, to leave unpleasant comments to go with your votes.
WTF showed the draft of this blog to a feminist friend who spent the rest of the day blaming WTF for searing her eyeballs. It is still astonishing that women want to parade about in public showcasing their fake tits, belly buttons and nether regions but it is also profoundly depressing because feminism was about allowing women to be taken seriously, not for them to dress like the sexist stereotypes we were trying to rescue them from. You never get a man at a film premiere or showbiz party with his dangly bits hanging out or his arse on show…. do you ever wonder why?
Not all the women here are flashing the flesh and the men certainly are not (see above). But don’t let that stop you voting for them. Each and every one of the candidates below is wearing something absolutely putrid and deserves your obloquy.
Oh, and some people have been omitted because they are doing it on purpose, which means that there is no Lady Gaga (who is, in any event, the subject of @WTF_EEK‘s campaign of #GagGaga), Nikki Minaj, Courtney Stodden and Rita Ora. Meanwhile some former sinners seem to have reformed, perhaps only temporarily and so they have managed to stay out of the blog for months. Keep up the good work Nancy dell’Olio and Helen Flanagan.
You can vote for as many of the candidates as you like (just tick the box or boxes you want to vote for and there is no complex single transferable vote or any of that palaver) but just make sure that you do vote and that you tell everybody you know to do the same. The results will be published on Twitter next Friday 27 December and in WTF’s next blog on Friday January 3 2014. There is no point bringing you a blog before then as all the celebs are parading their bikini bodies in sunlit spots for the delectation of the Daily Mail and the politicians are all away as well. Have a very Happy Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Winterval and a very Happy New Year.
Lots of love,
WTF Fashion Shark xxxxx
Right, off we go…..
1. AZEALIA BANKS, RAPPER
Just a thong at twilight? The onesie looks like a giant ridged nappy. When she takes it off, she must look as if she has been mowed, like the tennis courts at Wimbledon.
2. VICTORIA BECKHAM, DESIGNER
Mrs Beckham wore this at New York Fashion Week and told us that it was her favourite dress of her S/S 2014 collection but it got the bird from all and sundry, probably because it looked like a giant tent made out of the lining you put on mattresses to protect them against the sad consequences of incontinence.
3. ENZO MICCIO, TV PRESENTER AND WEDDING PLANNER
Italian uomo di mondo Enzo hit Milan fashion week in this remarkable getup including pea green shoes and turquoise socks. WTF has never seen a man in green shoes before and fervently hopes never to repeat the experience.
4. MILEY CYRUS, ACTRESS, SINGER AND TWERKER.
Miley is clearly desperate to prove that she is all grown up and has spent 2013 running around showing us everything she has, twerking like a mad person and generally being a pain. Those black nipple covers make her look as if she is suffering from a virulent strain of something particularly nasty.
5. JAMES GOLDSTEIN, BILLIONAIRE BUSINESSMAN.
James has two great passions, American football and major fashion events. At the time WTF noted that his outfit was Paul Hogan meets Ozzie Osbourne on Brokeback Mountain, accessorized by a titsy blonde. Fashion disaster and fashion victim.
6. GEMMA MERNA, ACTRESS
Gemma attended the Inside Soap Awards in a foul lime green leather dress by someone called Zeynep Kartal and parading a pair of the fakest tits that WTF ever did see in her life. This is the quintessential soap star look, orange as a tangerine, hideous clothes and tits like a pair of plastic footballs. If she fell forward, she would probably bounce.
7. BAMBI, TV REALITY STAR
WTF had never heard of Bambi before she spied this photograph of her at the BET Hip Hop Awards but how could she ignore this? The bodice must be stuck on with industrial strength glue. Disrobing would not be a pleasant experience…
8. ELLIE GOULDING, SINGER
This horror was designed by Julien Macdonald who has become king of the Minge Moment, but as Ellie was appearing on X Factor she needed to keep her ladyparts under wraps. As a compromise, she wore these two glittery flaps of sequinned cloth over some very visible looking Spanx. The Daily Telegraph was appalled. It spoke for the nation.
9. BOBBY TRENDY, TV REALITY STAR AND INTERIOR DESIGNER
Bobby is a TV personality who sprang to fame as Anna Nicole Smith’s interior designer and is now recording a series with Courtney Stodden. It might be the pose but he looks like a tarnished silver teapot. And those shoes…..
10. ABBEY CLANCY, MODEL AND STAR OF THIS YEAR’S STRICTLY COME DANCING
It is Julien Macdonald again, in a variation of the dress worn by Ellie Goulding. This one has little union jacks all over it like cheap bunting and Abbey felt free to do the Full Monty. Unfortunately, this was at a charity event for British servicemen on the eve of Armistice Sunday and so it was just wrong on every level.
11. IGGY AZALEA, RAPPER
Australian rapper Iggy attended the European Music Awards in one of the year’s ultimate Minge Moments by Dilek Hanif. Her waxing technician should be congratulated. Her stylist should be shot.
12. KIM KARDASHIAN, FAMOUS FOR BEING FAMOUS AND THE FUTURE MRS KANYE WEST
Kim is determined to show us her post-baby body but here she just looks mummified – like Tutankhamen but with tits.
13. JAIMIE ALEXANDER, ACTRESS
As WTF noted at the time, this thing by Azzaro Couture has flown past Minge Moment and landed on Planet Mega Minge. Utterly hideous.
14. JODIE KIDD, SUPERMODEL
Jodie demonstrates that you can be covered up from head to toe and still look offensive. After WTF featured this dress by Tom Ford, Readers complained of headaches and dizziness and threatened legal action. Whatever Tom was doing, he shouldn’t have been doing it.
15. CHARO, ACTRESS, COMEDIENNE AND FLAMENCO GUITARIST
Charo was a big TV star in the 1970’s and has not changed her style much since then. It is admirable that a woman of 62 is unafraid to show us cleavage, thigh and hips. But we do not wish to see it.
16. LIL’ KIM, SINGER
O.M.G. O.M.G. O.M.G. O.M.G. O.M.G. O.M.G. O.M.G. O.M.G. O.M.G. O.M.G.
17. ANNA DELLO RUSSO, FASHIONISTA AND EDITOR AT LARGE OF VOGUE JAPAN
Ultimate fashionista Anna is there to look stupid. It is in her job description. She has fulfilled it.
18. SARAH HARDING, SINGER
Pubes and arse simultaneously. Truly emetic. This “dress” was designed by British designer Louis Heal. It needed more skirt. And a better fitting bodice. No, fuck it. It needed a different dress.