wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

OK, we should all have seen this coming. FIFA’s conduct of the 2026 World Cup showed that absolutely nothing was going to get in the way of some people making an awful lot of money at the expense of the fans. The horrible combination of Gianni Infantino, FIFA’s legendary greed and corruption and the Rancid Kumquat’s inability to pass up an opportunity for him and his pals to cash in, saw ticket prices peak at preposterous levels,“hydration breaks”introduced as an excuse for the giant corporations to advertise even more of their crap, and the more than usual rampant commercialization of our beautiful game. Throughout it, Infantino stuck to the Rancid Kumquat like shit to a blanket, indulging him as if he were as big a star of the show as Lionel Messi, Kylian Mbappé, Jude Bellingham and Erling Haaland. Plus, of course, acceding to his ridiculous intervention to request the overturn a red card for a star member of the US team. The irony being that the player in question, Folarin Balogun, only qualifies to represent the country because his parents were visiting the country at the time of his birth and no airline would take his heavily pregnant mother away- thus giving the lad birthright citizenship, a right (which is in the Constitution) which the President sought to abolish until thwarted by the Supreme Court.

Now all that hard work has paid off. The mutual schmoozing and back scratching, the bestowing of the grotesque FIFA Peace Prize, FIFA renting an office in Trump Tower in New York, paying top dollar for property it never actually used. This week, Infantino announced FIFA’s new cunning plan. It intends to privatise some of its operations and to bring in fat cats various to lap up the cream – at the expense of the fans. Joshua Kushner, the brother of plastic Ken doll, Jared Kushner, who, you may recall, is married to the Rancid Kumquat’s daughter Ivanka, is spearheading the hunt for investors through a company called Thrive. Of course it is. It will make gazillions and FIFA will get even richer. And doubtless those investing in Thrive will include the President’s friends and relations, and the President himself will add to the billions he has already made, because that’s how he rolls. This week he had the temerity to tell a rally in Michigan that he had done more for them than their own parents. But, of course, not nearly as much as he has done for himself. Even as WTF writes this, he is refusing to let his nominee for Attorney General agree to drive the final stake through the heart of the so-called $1,776 bn anti-weaponization fund to reward the January 6 rioters, and to restrict an undertaking not to investigate the tax affairs of the President’s whole web of companies to the President himself, his two sons and the main family business – a deal brought about as a result of a bogus lawsuit and which is worth about $100 m.

To its credit, UEFA, which was already fed up with FIFA, has vowed to have nothing more to do with it if this plan goes ahead, and has described Infantino as attempting to kill the soul of football. Which means that 55 countries will boycott further World Cups for both the men and the women. But do you seriously imagine that the unholy alliance at FIFA’s helm would think twice about passing up all that money? And look on the bright side. At least Engerland men’s team will only break your heart every four years, in the European Championships, rather than every two, with the World Cup as well.

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We start our review of the week’s ridiculous rags with Norwegian footballer Erling Haaland wearing Dolce & Gabbana in Sicily.

Look. Let’s not fuck around here. He’s wearing a very expensive pair of pyjamas. And he is wearing them coram publico. That is all.

To the LA premiere of something new on the Disney Channel, Descendants: Wicked Wonderland, where we encounter one of the stars, actor Kylie Cantrell, wearing Haluminous.

Wait, sorry, what?? The top half is Wild West Floozie with a double-side-order of tit, and the bottom half is a beach sarong with a fanny flower, like Maya Jama on Love Island.

And now, two egregious examples of one of WTF’s less favourite fashion faux pas, to whit, see-through trousers. First up, actor Tracee Ellis Ross out and about in New York, wearing Marc Jacobs.

See-through trousers are about as much use as screen doors on a submarine. Particularly where, as here, they are horribly unflattering and where the area around the groin resembles a voile nappy. And that is not the worst of it – what is occurring with that top? Her tits appear to be hanging around her waist, like Edith Evans as Lady Bracknell.

We are still in New York at the premiere of the Hulu series, The Shards, with the second example of sheer trouser horror, dancer Julianne Hough, wearing hers with a Gucci jacket.

The 1980s called and want their shoulders back…. she looks more like an inverted Shard, the one on the bank of the Thames.

Also there was theatre producer Jordan Roth, wearing Stephane Rolland.

Did he go for a swim before coming by, and get attacked by a shark?

We are at the Time 100 Sports Gala in New York, where leading sporting lights were singled out for recognition, including American footballer (AMERICA – IT’S FOOTBALL NOT SOCCER. FFS!!) Trinity Rodman, daughter of the legendary – and raving mad – basketball player Dennis Rodman. It is fair to say that Dennis did not play much part in her upbringing. Anyway, here she is, wearing Sho Konishi.

So, she is wearing a breast plate and leg armour, but only on the one leg, and what appear to be bits of armour on her panties. I mean, that’s just bloody dangerous, right? What happens if someone tries to rip them off in a moment of passion? Or in a heat wave? Yurgle. What happened to the armour on the other leg? If the Black Knight from Monty Python went to a fancy dress party with a super-slithery cape around his waist and white stilettos, this is what he would look like.

And finally – the winner of the WTF Summer Stinker is….

DRUMROLL!!!!!!

SINGER CHAPPELL ROAN!!!!!!

In the initial stages, Chappell was in a close three-way fight with singer Cardi B and actor Shaun Ross, but after a few days, she pulled clear of the field and stayed there with 13.95% vote. Cardi B and Shaun came in second and third respectively.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Ben from Bromley, who is currently on holiday with his lovely family in rural Wales. He was moved to message WTF with this complaint, doubtless as a result of using public restrooms. He says “What’s Got to Go – soap dispensers that eject the product with the force of jet propulsion so you end up with goo on your trousers and look like you’ve – er – jizzed your pants.”

WTF can only sympathise, because it sounds very annoying. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got to Go, and do not stint on the comments either. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x