wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

It is the end of another week of the war-that-is-not-a-war, and it is now even clearer that things have gone tits up. Of course, both the US and Israel have the military capacity to bomb anywhere to smithereens and Israel has gone further afield and is having a lovely time reducing Lebanon to rubble as well as Iran. The problem is that the Rancid Kumquat did not expect Iran to retaliate at all, let alone that it would launch missiles at Israel; and not just at Israel, but at the Gulf States and at Saudi Arabia. The Rancid Kumquat and his son-in-law Jared Kushner have a great fondness for the Gulf States and Saudi Arabia, being rich countries with a penchant for handing over billions to Kushner’s investment funds and favouring the construction of local hotels and golf clubs with the Rancid Kumquat’s name emblazoned upon them. He ignored General Caine’s warning that Iran, if attacked, would threaten shipping through the Strait of Hormuz; which is exactly what it has done. As a result, owners of oil tankers are unwilling to risk their vessels through the Strait (or Straight, as the President calls in in his Truth Social posts) on the not unreasonable grounds that they do not fancy hitting a mine or being taken out by a drone. This has caused the price of oil and gas to skyrocket, hitting consumers where it hurts, namely at the pumps; and nations such as China, France, Britain, Italy and Germany have flatly refused to send minesweepers to clear the Strait on the grounds that this is not their war, and by the way, what did the US expect after having insulted and belittled them for the past 13 months? It is fair to say that the Rancid Kumquat has taken their refusal badly. First, he is not used to people telling him to take a running jump. Second, he cannot understand why they are not running to assist the US in a war on which they were not consulted and about which they were not warned. He is threatening to bomb Iran flat and then leave other countries to deal with the Strait of Hormuz, as they need it to get their oil, which he says the US does not. On Tuesday, he again compared Keir Starmer unfavourably to Winston Churchill.  It is true that Starmer is not Winston Churchill, but that is because he does not need to be as he is not embroiled in a stupid war he cannot get out of with an ally who is now bombing where it wants instead of first asking for permission to do so.

So, this is where we are today. If the US just packs up and goes home, whether it engages in further bombing or not, it has left the world in turmoil. In any event, Israel is not going to stop bombing either Iran or Lebanon and has (and always had) its own agenda. Crusader Boy Pete Hegseth has told the world that it should be grateful to the US, but the world is certainly not grateful enough to come to its aid and will probably not fall to one knee and pray for American victory in the name of Jesus Christ, as Hegseth demanded that it do yesterday. Meanwhile, the Director of National Intelligence, which in the case of this Administration is something of an oxymoron, admitted on oath in Congress that it did not advise the President that there was an imminent nuclear threat from Iran, which was one of the main justifications, if not the main justification, for what the Rancid Kumquat persists in calling the excursion against that country in the first place. The US President, that cocktail of ignorance, arrogance, hubris and dementia, with the attention span of a gnat, simultaneously is now claiming that he won the war, is winning the war, needs help in winning the war and does not want help from his allies to win it because they did not offer to help early enough, even though he had already won it. Heaven help us all – especially the innocent people of Iran and Lebanon.

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We are at the Oscars and Oscars parties for our review of the week’s woeful wear, starting with model and actor Cara Delevigne at the Vanity Fair Oscars Party, wearing Thom Browne.

WTF has no idea what Thom Browne charges for this getup, or, at least, what he would charge punters who have to pay for their clothes, which Cara probably does not, her being a model and an actor and a celebritee and what not. But, to be frank, the same effect could be achieved by purchasing a bloodied torso vest from a Halloween website for a lot less of your hard-earned money. Although why would anyone want to look like an eviscerated corpse lying on the slab in Silent Witness?

Model Suki Waterhouse at the Vanity Fair Party, wearing Tamara Ralph.

Suki is engaged to actor Robert Pattinson, and this is a bridal gown, so perhaps she is giving it a trial run?  It has ornate, wrought-iron tit covers. What happens when the weather warms up or the sun shines directly on them? You would be branded, like the cattle in Yellowstone, and would sizzle like chicken breasts on the barbecue. 

 

Canadian filmmaker and music video director, Cole Walliser, at the Oscars proper, wearing Osso.

Regular Readers will know of WTF’s frustration at the cut of men’s trousers. Here is a paradigm example; not so much a crotch line as a virgin ski slope.

 

Mad housewife of wherever Lisa Rinna at the Elton John AIDS Foundation Party, wearing Christian Cowan.

It is made out of hair. Human hair. And human hair protruding in various different places, so you do not know whether you are looking at stray pubes or dress. If one of Joan Collins’s wigs went to an Oscars party playing pudendum peekaboo, this is what it would look like.

 

 

Lisa Rinna’s daughter, model Amelia Gray Hamlin, at the Vanity Fair Party, wearing Revolve.

Proof positive that the apple does not fall far from the tree. This is less of a dress and more of a tit tabard.

 

Actor Jeff Goldblum and his wife, former champion rythmic gymnast Emilie Livingston, at the Vanity Fair Party, both wearing Erl Artisanal. 

First we have Lisa covered in human hair, and now we have Jeff and Emilie covered in skunk fur. Skunk fur. Did they have to stand away from everyone else all night? But that was not even the worst bit. THIS is the worst bit. 

It is a skunk in stilettos flashing its bum.

 

Kicking off our section entitled Sheer Madness, actor Gwyneth Paltrow at the Oscars proper, wearing Armani Privé.

Oh stop it. Not only is it very unflattering around the arse area, but she is in fact wearing sparkly sheer trousers instead of bare legs. Like that makes a difference. Yurgle.

 

Former model and presenter Heidi Klum at the Vanity Fasir Party, wearing Chrome Hearts.

This is both hugely unflattering and fundamentally absurd – an artisanal butterboard strewn with fancy flowers of the edible variety. Meanwhile, Heidi’s tits seem to have gone sideways and are now nestling under her armpits.  

And of course there are the obligatory arse cheeks. 

 

Rounding up this section of Sheer Madness, actors Connor Storrie wearing St Laurent and Hudson Williams wearing Balenciaga.

Handsome boys with bad hair flashing their pecs. Was Connor planning to use the Dr Zhivago giant muff as a coat if it got chilly going out to the limo?

 

And finally, director Chloe Zhao (Hamnet) at the Oscars proper, wearing Gabriela Hearst.

Chloe is the lovechild of a shiny black beetle and a Victorian widow waving a pair of flippers.

 

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Anna from South London who was horrified by these leggings from Halara. They are sold as”tummy control scrunch stripes yoga leggings with pockets” with an ultra-slim  fit and they are designed to make your bum look like a couple of ripe lycra-wrapped melons. Yours for £36 95.

Anna is not happy, not even at all, about said leggings, particularly objecting to the term “scrunch”  and the way they cut down the crack like a cheesewire. And of course, she is bang on the money. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in comments and your suggestions for It’s Got to Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x