wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

So here we are in 2026. Where did that come from? It is freezing cold. Everyone is miserable, fed up, impecunious after all that Christmas spending and overweight after all that Christmas eating and drinking. Not to mention those who choose to wallow in further misery by depriving themselves of alcohol for a whole month when they are in most need of it, or – shudder – who go vegan for the same period. Or do both. Readers! Desist! Snuggle down under a heated blanket with a meat pie and a bottle of wine, and try not to think of the intense madness that is all around us. And it is all around us.

For example, the President of the US is either such an idiot, or so compromised, that he actually believed President Putin when he told him that Ukraine had attacked one of his residences with drones the night before Zelenskyy was due to call in at Mar-A-Lago, the President’s Florida flophouse, for peace talks. There has been not so much as an iota of proof that this alleged attack actually happened – because it did not happen. But the Rancid Kumquat lapped it up. By the way, note the contrast between the way he rolled out the Red Carpet when Putin came to Alaska and then drove him from the tarmac to the summit meeting in the Presidential limo, and the complete absence of any US official to meet Zelenskyy when he landed on some Floridian airfield. The poor man most likely had to call up an Uber.

Meanwhile, our Government senses that we have not quite captured 47’s heart, even after feting him at Chequers and Windsor Castle, and so it has decided to send out the King and Queen and, under separate cover, the Prince and Princess of Wales, to woo him on US soil. And WTF is enraged. Charles and Camilla are in their mid-70’s. He has, or has had, cancer.  For that matter, so has Kate. Why the hell do they have to go crawling up the rear end of the American President? It is unseemly. It is undignified. And it is pointless, because even the pleasure of entertaining the Monarchy in his gilded palaces of vulgarity in Washington and Palm Beach, and subjecting them to an array of frozen-faced, fat-lipped, apple-cheeked, harpies in sequins (and that is just his own family), will not make 47 stick to any promises that he might make or have made (like our vaunted IT deal, which has been placed on the back burner for the foreseeable future) or persuade him to do anything that he does not want to do. Or which Putin tells him not to do. Frankly, unless they come with a bulging suitcase of banknotes or gold bars, or, better still, crypto, or give him an aeroplane to go with the one he got from the Qataris, the trip is most unlikely to yield anything more than a lecture on immigration, a tour of the proposed ballroom (now set to be bigger than the Capitol), and an inferior repast of chlorinated chicken, French fries and vanilla icecream à la mode. How embarassing for us to send them out with the begging bowl. For shame…..

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We start our review of the Christmas season’s woeful wear at a publicity event for the movie Hamnet with actor Joe Alwyne wearing Marni.

The kindest thing that can be said about the trousers is that they are capacious. As in fucking enormous. And the double sweater situation adds bulk where bulk is not needed. Indeed, if the Michelin Man wrapped up warm in woollies and an army tent, this is what he would look like.

Now we are in Paris with French actor Noemie Merlant wearing Louis Vuitton.

Look. This is not a pregnancy thing. This is a camel-toe thing. And a ridiculous colour thing. As in a Superman after rolling in pig shit thing.

Here we are at the Paley Museum in New York for the event marking the final series of Stranger Things. This is one of the stars, actor Caleb McLaughlin,  wearing McQueen.

 Good grief. That is a LOT of frillage, like some Regency Fop with lashings of extra toilet roll. And those red shoes are like a pair of pimentos. 

And now we have two legs-and-arse-baring so-called dresses by Blumarine. First, we have actor Andra Day at the premiere of Is This Thing On?

Those thighs are peeping out like a couple of lacy ski goggles. They are absurd.  But this next one is worse, on rapper Ice Spice at the premiere OF A CHILDREN’S FILM, namely The Spongebob Movie – Search for Square Pants. Careful now…

All together now…..AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH. Small kiddies do not need to see Ice Spice’s thong and heaving bosom. They just don’t. Or her ill-concealed buttocks. And nor do the rest of us. Just. Go. Away.

This is French fashion influencer Marine Lemarre at the Parisian launch of the new series of Emily in Paris.  

Admittedly, the clothes in Emily in Paris are pretty silly. For some reason, this season saw the fabulous Sylvie dressed in various tit-exposing, metallic items, while Mindy seemed to favour a variety of citrus-hued puffy panties. One can therefore understand why Marine felt that she had to go the extra kilometre or ten down the road of  ridiculousness, part Cyborg, part puffer jacket and part lace curtain, complete with spiked beret. Zut alors!

And finally …. the winner of the coveted title of the WTF Christmas Turkey is………

Drumroll…………

Ludicrous influencer Lucas Medini and his Jean Paul Gaultier bodysuit worn at the London 2025 Fashion Awards! He romped ahead from the earliest stages and he stayed there for the duration, garnering a stupendous 23% of the vote. Melania Trump came second for her horrible hat and prison warder’s outfit when she visited Windsor Castle in tow with her spouse on 12.78%, while rapper BigXThaPlug, was third with 10%, having given us his capacious and heavily tattooed stomach in lieu of a shirt.

 This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado, nay, stalwart, Yvonne from Jedburgh, who noticed these absurd items on Pinterest and decided that WTF had to see them. 

Yvonne writes, ‘They’re shoes by the way. I love shoes, but you couldn’t pay me to wear these. God knows who made them, but with the shocking state of public transport today, I wouldn’t want to stand at a bus stop wearing these’. She’s right. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming through and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got to Go, as WTF is prone to pine without them. Make a New Year’s resolution – SEND THEM IN!!! Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x