wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

Spoiler alert! In Game of Thrones, Ramsay Bolton, one of the great screen villains, is thrown to his own pack of slavering dogs, which chomp happily upon him well past his last dying scream. Thus Bolton, who had condemned many unfortunates to a canine execution squad, ended up as a victim of his own sick creation. In the same way, President 47, who has accused everybody of everything, usually without even the slightest foundation, finds himself staring into a landscape of bared doggie teeth, all intent upon taking bites out of his ample backside. Readers, WTF will not lie to you. It is a most enjoyable spectacle. If she had to pay exorbitant prices to watch it, Oasis-concert-tickets-style, she would consider it to be worth every penny. But, as it happens, it is playing out on your television screens for the price of a cable news subscription.

For years, 47 has encouraged conspiracies about how the ruling elite was composed almost entirely of murderous Democrat paedophiles – the same murderous Democrat paedophiles who operated out of a basement beneath a pizza emporium in Washington DC, except that (i) there was no basement and therefore (ii) there were no paedophiles in it of any political persuasion. Naturally, these said Democrat paedophiles had gravitated to Jeffrey Epstein who supplied them with young girls, and who had flown them on his private plane to his own Paedophile Paradise Island. There must have been a list, said the conspiracists. Epstein must have been blackmailing these powerful men. Let us know who they are. Epstein died, said to be by suicide, and Epstein’s sidekick, Ghislane Maxwell, was tried, convicted, and incarcerated. But no names came out. On the contrary, those supporters, now slavering more than Ramsay Bolton’s dogs, were told that there was nothing to see, that there was no list, even though Attorney General Pam Bondi had said that it was sitting on her desk awaiting her decision on what to do with it. And even though the now Attorney General, the now Head of the FBI and the now Deputy Head of the FBI, had all agitated for the release of the files before they had taken office.

One name has emerged from the files, according to The Wall Street Journal. Unfortunately for 47, that name is his. The fact that his name is in there does not mean that he is a paedophile. But he was undoubtedly a good friend of Epstein for many years. In 2003, 47 gave an interview to a magazine in which he said he had known Epstein for 15 years, that he was ‘a terrific guy’ and ‘It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side’. Of course, 47 denies that he was close to Epstein or that he knew anything about his proclivities and it is true that they do not appear to have been in touch after about 2004. But the degree of panic and determination to kill the story stone dead, coupled with the new revelation that Bondi told the President two months ago that his name was all over the files, does suggest that there is something in there which the White House would much prefer us not to know about. Which, of course, makes us ever more eager to know what it is.

The genie now cannot be stuffed back into the bottle. The MagaMorons are not having it. They refuse to let it go, even when their hero told them to let it go. Previously supine GOP Congresspersons voted for Maxwell to be subpoenaed, even though the Speaker had sent them all home for their holidays a day early in order to avoid their agitation. They defied him. And now we are witnessing the unprecedented sight of the Deputy Attorney General, previously 47’s own criminal defence lawyer, scuttling down to Florida to interview Maxwell, a proven liar and convicted felon. His purpose is doubtless to offer her a pardon or commutation of her 20-year sentence, if she will only exonerate the President of the United States and confirm that there is no list and that there never was a list. And why on earth would she not say so when faced with the chance of going back to a life of luxury rather than spending two decades in a shitty prison cell? But even if she does, will anyone believe her? Pass the popcorn. This one is not going away…..

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We start our review of the week’s terrible togs at Les Culturistas Culture Awards in Los Angeles, where we encounter actor Guy Branum wearing something surprising.

There is colourful. And there is being a pillock. The kindest thing to be said about Guy’s ensemble is that perhaps he was paying homage to Kim Kardashian’s pregnant sofa look at the Met Gala 2013.

Another attendee was splendid actor Allison Janney, wearing Christian Siriano.

Et tu, Allison? Admittedly you have splendid legs. However, the leotard is very mingey and that stupid thing hanging down is inapt as a substitute for a skirt. In any event, the whole look is not new – Judy Garland did it in 1950 in a movie called Summer Stock when she sang Get Happy, complete with a jaunty hat. 

And now we are in Hollywood at the ESPYS, the US Sports Awards. This is Olympic gold medallist, gymnast Jordan Chiles, wearing Cong Tri.

If a Bottega Veneta handbag had sex with a bulging-eyed pink frog, this is what their offspring would look like.

Next up is champion skier Lindsey Vonn, former girlfriend of Tiger Woods, wearing Elizabetta Franchi.

Great body. terrible dress. It is as if St Francis of Assisi had pulled down his habit over his shoulders, slit it up one side and flashed a pair of sparkly bikini panties.

We are now at the launch  of Happy Gilmore 2 and here is rapper Bad Bunny wearing Valentino. Scroll down slowly.

The jacket is good, but the shorts resemble posh jockey shorts. Worse, those shoes passeth all understanding. WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE SHOES???? Does he have a bit part in Billy Elliott?  Is he going straight to a dance class? Bunny should take that golf club and go after whoever put him in those shoes – not to mention those socks.

We are still in Los Angeles for the premiere of The Fantastic Four, with its star Vanessa Kirby wearing Givenchy. Again, scroll down slowly.

So you take the ugliest bodysuit imaginable, all boning and padded tits, and put it on a pregnant woman who wears it under a dress made of chain link fencing and then, just in case it is not ugly enough,  you put a two-tone flounce on the bottom like a tutu lampshade. Yurgle.

Finally, we are in London for the premiere of a new West End musical, Burlesque, produced by singer Christina Aguilera.

Oh good grief. She is trussed up like an oven-ready chicken. And the oven has already been turned on, because there is a large sweat patch under her left armpit. Meanwhile, Christina seems to have been at the Ozempic. If that chin were any pointier, she could use it as a pneumatic drill.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Lucy from Cheshire who has taken against this £2,000 Valentino handbag. Apart from the disturbing similarities to a clown face, the whole thing is ridiculously childish .

WTF agrees with Lucy. Her sainted  great-niece aged 6 would turn up her retroussé little nose at it. It is overpriced tat and It’s Got to Go.

Ok Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep sending in your top suggestions for It’s Got to Go as well as your comments, which WTF much enjoys. You can follow her on @wtffashionshark.bsky.social. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x