Honesty compels WTF to admit that there was an outbreak of premature ejaculation with the Summer Stinker Poll on Thursday, and so it’s back today with the sarky comments and instructions as to how to vote.
First the rant.
So welcome to another addition of this was ours now it’s theirs. This time, water. Which is necessary for the survival of the species on the planet. Water used to be state-owned and you paid a reasonable fee to get it gurgling through your taps. But that was then when the state owning basic utilities was not seen as the moral equivalent of kicking cats. Then Mrs Thatcher came in and decreed that the state was bound to honour the bit in the unwritten Constitution which gives hedge funds, offshore billionaires and foreign corporations the inalienable right to acquire what used to be ours and make it theirs, and then to rip us off royally for the privilege of using something that used to be ours, only now it’s theirs and it comes with worse service and at twice the price.
It gets worse. Because not only are we paying for a worse service at twice the price, but the water companies have not been using their fat profits that we’ve been paying to use what are used to be ours, but now is theirs, to improve infrastructure and offer better, cleaner, water. Don’t be silly. They have been putting those profits to much better use, to whit paying their executives enormous salaries, copperbottomed pensions and benefits various, and they’ve also been paying their shareholders enormous dividends to thank them for allowing them to pay their executives enormous salaries. And as a result there is not a lot of money left over to make sure that the water pipes are copperbottomed and do not leak and that the reservoirs are clean and topped up and there is somewhere else to put the sewage other than into the sea or rivers next to our nicest beaches and sunbathing spots where people go swimming. And so companies that had no debt are now laden with debt because the profits didn’t quite cover the degree of enormousness which the water companies thought right to lavish upon their executives and their shareholders.
Who knew that getting into massive debt and not improving the infrastructure would lead to trouble? Answer – everyone with three brain cells. Which is two more than the captains of industry seem to have had. So now someone must fork out billions of pounds to carry out vital repairs because the pipes are as leaky as leaky could be and wholly unfit for purpose. And you can bet that the someone forking out will be us, the taxpayers. For something that used to be ours. Thames Water is £14 billion in debt and the chief executive resigned this week as the full horror story emerged. Where the hell did all the money go? And what about Ofwat, or Oftwat as it should be more properly called, which is supposed to regulate the water authorities? It has been as much use as tits on a fish. Get utilities back into public ownership. Right now.
And now we can turn to the fabled Summer Stinker Poll. 18 truly hideous examples of hideousness await your selection. You can vote for as many of them as you like as often as you like and you need not worry about single transferable vote and all that malarkey. Just go to the bit at the end entitled who is the WTF summer stinker of 2023 and put your mark against the ones that make you feel the worst. Scroll down the names until you get to the one you want to choose. Or the ones. And you can leave unpleasant comments to go with your comments. So off we go.
1. Alton Mason, model, at the Met Gala.
2. Ashnikko, singer, at the Brit Awards.
The woman is covered in pustules and wearing a condom with vertiginous high heels. She looks miserable as sin. Who can blame her? She should be in the isolation ward of the hospital for tropical diseases, not trotting around the Brits.
3. Dawn Ritz, costume designer, at the Costume Designer Fashion Awards (CDFA).
Dawn was making a point name of the costume designers are important for stage and screen. But the problem is that she’s showing us all of her points, as well as many other things that we would rather not see, including stockings like Nora Batty.
5. Dencia, singer, at the Grammys.
Dencia exists principally to wear ridiculous clothes at music awards and she came well up, or should that be down, it’s a standard here in this frightful, get up that made to look like a black beetle with her head in a geode .
5. Devery Jacobs, actor, at the Critics’ Choice Awards.
There is novel. And there is a nightmare. Guess which one this is? WTF has never seen overalls over a dinner jacket and bovver boots before and she hopes never have to to see it again.
6. Harry Styles, singer, at the Grammys.
A chested, tattooed Harlequin with white shoes. No. NO.
7. Jared Leto, actor.
It’s a badger in a wig went to a fancy dress party as Merlin, this is what he would look like.
8. Jennifer Lopez, singer, outside TV Studios in New York.
Jennifer is a very good looking woman, but even she cannot pull off looking like an extra from The Lion King.
9. Julia Fox, actor, at Paris Fashion Week.
Julia bolted out of nowhere to become a major star in this blog because nearly everything she wears is jawdroppingly awful with lots of bits and pieces on display. But this was particularly bad, a cropped, leather jacket, bikini bottoms, and a pair of bears legs. A very large, hairy, black bear.
10. Lainey Wilson, singer, at the Academy of County Music Awards.
This is simultaneously, voluminous and clingy. How does that even happen? Meanwhile, whichever auntie owned those curtains before Lainey nicked them should thank the Lord they’ve gone.
11. Lil Nas X, singer, at the Met Gala.
He has the entire contents of his sock drawer down his posing pouch, has more holes in the colander, he’s wearing stupid boots and he has been sprayed silver. How could he not be in here?
12. Meg Stalter, actor and comedian, at the Tribeca Film Festival.
Meg is a comedian which explains why she is wearing a giant incontinence pad held in place by a chain belt and very ugly knee length, black pantyhose.
13. Phillip Sallon, poet, at Vivienne Westwood’s funeral.
14. Philip was so clearly overcome with grief at the prospect of attending the funeral that he was blinded by tears when he opened his wardrobe and took out a beefeater outfit rather than a suit. How that explains the boxing gloves, WTF cannot say.
15. Sam Smith, singer, at the Brit Awards.
He looks like a blackened spatchcock chicken. That is all that needs to be said.
16. Shania Twain, singer, at the Grammys.
She is a prat in a hat. And dressed as a pantomime cow.
16. Shannon and Shenade Clermont, internet persons. They are counted as one as (i) they are twins and (ii) they are wearing the same thing.
Here are a pair of palomino ponies, complete with minge moments and tits that are, and WTF has to be frank here, improbable.
17. Will Young, singer, at Vivienne Westwood’s funeral.
Will attended the obsequies dressed as the Sistine chapel with Dennis the Menace socks. Who knows why?
18. Ysolde, singer, at the Cannes Film Festival.
Why is her head poking out of a rose’s arse? And why is she wearing a bodice at least two sizes too small? I mean it’s just weird.
Alright Readers – GET VOTING. The results will be announced next Friday. Be good!!xx