Just when you thought that Rishi Sunak’s political judgment could not be any worse, along comes his new appointment for Deputy Chairman of the Conservative Party, rent-a-gob, man-of-the-people, one-braincell-up-from-a root-vegetable, Lee Anderson MP. Yes him – the same one who told a disbelieving House of Commons that that it was perfectly possible to cook a nutritious meal for 30 pence, and has since been dubbed ‘30 p Lee’. Anderson is the posh Tory’s idea of what the working class ought to be – thick, trenchant and Tory. Ever since both were elected in 2019 (as a result of the collapse of the Red Labour Wall ‘oop North) although neither of them was expected to retain his deposit, let alone win, 30 p Lee and fellow gobshite Jonathan Gullis have been in fierce competition to claim the official title of the most obnoxious, yobbish and pig-ignorant Member of the House of Commons. Gullis made a lot of the early running, but 30 p Lee has now sprinted to victory and is the face of the new Tory Party. God help us all.
Just before his appointment, 30 p Lee gave an interview to the Spectator, and that interview came out this week, the same week as he moved into his new office at Smith Square. In it, we learned that 30 p Lee believed that migrants saw the UK as ‘El Dorado’ and had said ‘They are seeing a country where the streets are paved with gold – where, once you land, they are not in that manky little fucking scruffy tent. They are going to be in a four-star hotel!’ He would ship them straight back on Royal Navy ships, no messing about, and if the French didn’t like it, well, tough, we’d have to take them on in combat. He was also, to the surprise of absolutely no-one, fervently in favour of capital punishment, arguing ‘Nobody has ever committed a crime after being executed. You know that, don’t you? 100 per cent success rate.’ This is the sort of blue sky thinking that persuaded the Prime Minister to promote 30 p Lee. Could he be onto something here? Maybe Sunak should have booted Suella Braverman out of the Home Office and installed him instead. Start a war in the Channel with the French and hang felons to keep the crime rate down. And why stop with murderers? If we castrated every man under 65 in the country, we could put a stop to rape. Admittedly this would affect the birth rate, but that is simply an unfortunate by-product of a radical new policy to make the streets safer. When you run the country, you have to make difficult decisions.
This, Readers, is populism made flesh, the rise of the brain-dead, loud-mouthed turnip in positions of power and influence. 30 p Lee is the hairy-arsed UK equivalent of Marjorie Taylor Greene, the Q-Anon-loving, election-denying, half-wit who is into her second term as a US Congresswoman and who thinks that the Nazi secret police were called the Gazpacho. Speaker Kevin McCarthy has just appointed to her to two of the most influential House Committees. The stupider you are, tra-la, the higher you go.
This week we are at the Grammys for an awesomely terrible baker’s dozen of clothing calamities. First up is singer Bebe Rexha wearing Moschino.
The giant tit window opens on to boobs resembling a couple of large baked potatoes.
Next up, we have singer/songwriter Julia Michaels wearing Azzi and Osta.
This is a nightmare, made worse by the sleeve tattoos and bunion-inducing sandals. It is basically a cut-out paper ghost with genitalia curtains.
Welcome back rapper and producer Pharrell Williams, wearing Ernest W Baker. Guess what the W stands for…..
If a Chanel handbag wore its granny’s fur coat and a baseball cap with stupid sunglasses, this is what it would look like.
R&B singer and Instagrammer Hannah Monds, wearing Diana Couture. Couture!!!!!!
And if a loo roll holder went to a bondage party, this is what it would look like. Which is a shame, because the skirt is spectacular.
Here is singer Miguel wearing Diesel.
Are those boots or jeans tucked into boots? Whatever it is, his outfit seems to have been rescued from a skip. And why is his zip exposed, although thankfully that is all that is exposed. WTF’s first thought was that the whole outfit (as opposed to Miguel) needed a good wash. She then realised that poor Miguel had clearly been the victim of a flour bomb thrown by a protester as he sauntered along the Red Carpet.
Now meet musician and 2022 Grammy winner, Isolde Fair.
No, WTF had never heard of her either. And now that she has seen her, she wishes that she never done that either. Isolde appears to be channelling the blood-soaked-bride look last seen on Lucia di Lammermoor in Donizetti’s opera of the same name. WTF is also struggling to understand why Isolde is wearing wellington boots.
Singer and serial offender Lizzo, wearing Dolce & Gabbana.
Whoever persuaded Lizzo that she should appear in public dressed as an oomph-loompah, flower-bedecked, Tutankhamun is so not her friend.
The aptly-named musician Grim.
Not to be confused with Ben Affleck, who sat with his spouse JLo at the ceremony with a face like thunder. It is not Grim’s fault that he is standing in front of a picture-logo that makes it look as if he is wearing Mickey Mouse ears. But it IS his fault that he has ventured out of doors wearing a jacket previously worn by Manuel in Fawlty Towers, no shirt, assorted chains and pearls, snakeskin trousers, suede bootees like Rupert Bear and masses of groin. And sunglasses.
Madonna wearing Mugler Haute Couture and someone else’s face.
Bondage and silly shoes are par for the course with Madonna, but the face is new and seems to have been borrowed from the set of the new horror film M3GAN about an AI doll that turns out to be not very nice. Madge has built a whole career on telling people to go and fuck themselves and so it is a disappointment that she has succumbed to a tanker-load of botox.
Singer Shania Twain wearing Harris Reed.
Was this supposed to be a joke? Because it really is not funny. Shania looks like a cross between a garden gnome and a pantomime cow. Meanwhile, memo to Shania. Erykah Badu, the winner of the coveted WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2022, called and she wants her hat back.
Cameroonian singer Dencia wearing who knows what this is?
You never see Dencia other than on occasions such as these when she pitches up in something very stupid to get herself noticed. And it works, because she is wearing something very stupid and WTF did notice. If King Richard 111 wore a geode round his neck, this is what he would have looked like.
And now we have the ever-more-ridiculous Harry Styles wearing Egonlab. Brace yourselves.
Elmer the Elephant meets Svarovski. Yurgle……
Finally, celebritee “model and socialite” Blac Chyna wearing something very weird.
Blac posted on her Instagram page “this is authencity”. Really? It is authentically terrible, but otherwise WTF defies anyone, even a team of rocket clients working round the clock, to identify what the hell she is talking about. Three more questions. First, why was she there at all, given that her claim to fame ended when she ended her relationship with Rob Kardashian? (And before that, she had a relationship with rapper Tyga, who then went out with Rob’s half-sister Kylie Jenner – do keep up). Second, why doesn’t she buy some smudge-proof mascara? And third, why is she dressed as a curly-headed crow?
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There is no room this week for It’s Got To Go, but it will be back next week. Get those comments coming in and make WTF smile and she needs to smile, trust me. As for your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go, it is a pleasure to receive them. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x