It may seem odd to be shocked by the demise of a nonagenarian but when it came it was shocking and discombobulating and terribly sad. Of course anybody born after February 1952 had never known any other sovereign, yet suddenly the radio and TV kept talking about the King and the Queen Consort and you had to keep asking yourself “who?’. Until you remembered that the Queen had gone and that Charles, following the longest apprenticeship in history, was now the Monarch.
Whatever doubts WTF might have about the Royal Family in general, and Charles in particular, (although so far he has been splendid), she had nothing but admiration for the Queen who spent seven decades performing a job she was not born to; even when she realised that she would one day ascend the throne, after the abdication of her feckless uncle Edward VIII, she certainly did not expect her father to die in his 50s, forcing her to become Queen at the age of 25. She was brilliant at it. She exuded dignity, decency and devotion to duty and the country appreciated it. Of course she made mistakes, including a tone-deaf response to the death of Diana and an inexplicable attachment to her boorish son Andrew. But she presented a calm stability, never better demonstrated then her extraordinary speech during the Covid lockdown, which somehow made you feel as if your grandmother had put her arms around you and soothed you. Rest in peace Ma’am. You have earned it.
Given that the country has not had to mourn a monarch – or a Mon-Ark, as CNN keeps saying – for 70 years, there has been some confusion about the proper way to go about things. The basics are there; everyone on TV bedecked in black, the superb pageantry and the stoicism of Brits lined up from Westminster to Timbuktu waiting for a glimpse of the Royal Coffin. Yes WTF did not publish the blog last Friday, only hours after the death was announced. But was it really necessary to cancel all football matches last weekend? To cancel National Guinea Pig Awareness Week? For Center Parcs to throw holidaymakers out on the day of the Funeral, leaving them to wander about forlornly like the Israelites in the wilderness until they could reclaim their chalets the following day? (This stupid idea was ditched quite quickly and no doubt whoever thought it up will shortly be spending time with their P45). Why did the British Cyclists Association advise their members to show their respects to Her Majesty by desisting from travelling on two wheels on Monday? And who thought it was a good idea to cancel operations on Monday leaving people who had already waited and waited and waited to wait even longer? Do you suppose that Her Majesty would have given a toss if someone were to nip out on their bicycle for a pint of milk? Do you think that His Majesty, as now is, would want someone to be deprived of surgery because he is burying his mother? Would either of them consider it right to arrest citizens making a peaceful protest about the institution of Monarchy, which is supposed to be one of the rights on which this country is based? Let people mourn as they think fit. Let people protest as they think fit, provided that they do so lawfully. This is still a free country and long may it continue to be so under King Charles.
We start our review of the last fortnight’s sartorial silliness with singer Meghan Thee Stallion wearing who can say what?
If a Swiss cheese went to a fancy dress party as a rainbow with tits, this is what it would look like.
Next up, we have singer Rita Ora in London wearing Ottolinger.
On the plus side, Rita is covered up. On the minus side, there are still things dangling, only in this case blame lies at the door of Ottolinger who has decorated Rita’s trousers with random bits of string like a Hassidic Jew.
To the MTV VMAs where we encounter actor Taylor Russell wearing Balenciaga.
This very ridiculous concoction is not a pair of trousers designed for John Goodman in a fatsuit, although you would be entitled to think so. It is in fact half a long skirt and a miniskirt at the back. But the worst bit is the slit right up the front, like a banana sliced open by a sword.
Here is another one who has decided to put her bits away and go for a new way of annoying us. WTF speaks of actor Julia Fox.
Having exhausted peek-a-boo denim and minge-baring leather, Julia has pulled a large condom over herself and called it a dress. And clock the clingfilm boots. Yurgle.
And now to the Emmys, the US TV Awards, where we have actor Kaley Cuoco wearing Dolce & Gabbana.
Kaley’s stylist, Brad Goreski, described her as a ballerina Barbie. WTF is of the view that this is more a case of Tinkerbell with a lot of dried fruit stuck on her dress, but either way Kaley is about 25 years too old for this mullet mess.
Now this next one is officially a pity. Here is wonderful actor Julia Garner from “Ozark” wearing Gucci.
Really? WTF abhors a bare belly button almost above all things. What seems to have happened here is that some very incontinent pigeons have flown through the pelvic picture window and shat all over her velvet dress with most unfortunate consequences.
We are now at the Front Row of New York Fashion Week where we find rapper Doja Cat wearing Viktor & Rolf.
Remember WTF mentioning the concept of John Goodman in a fat suit? This is John Goodman in a fat suit blown up with helium. What??????
And finally we pop in to the Creative Emmys where we find fashionista Jonathan van Ness wearing a frock.
Look. It doesn’t fit. Anywhere. The tit pockets are empty, the dress is like something seen on a 1950’s housewife in Minnesota at the Christmas town dance and the shoes are the absolute pits.
This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who was aghast at the result of these horrible Balenciaga flipflops. Do not adjust your eyeballs.
$640 to look like an utter pillock. This nonsense has to stop. It’s Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Go, not to mention your top comments. Be good x.