WTF Oven-Ready Special

Hallo Readers,

Sorry about yesterday’s premature publication. Gremlins (in other words, read “my ineptitude”).

ANYWAY…

WTF has long railed about the death of shame, but with this shitshow of a Government, shame is not a word in its lexicon. In 2019, Boris Johnson told us that he would “get Brexit done”. Not only that, he said that he had an oven-ready deal to get it done. To the surprise of absolutely nobody, it now turns out that Johnson’s oven-ready deal was not oven-ready at all. It was not even defrosted. Instead, it was unfit for human consumption, but he went ahead and sold it to the public. This is what happens when you have a unprincipled liar as Prime Minister, surrounded by other unprincipled liars for whom winning is the only outcome. Truth is no longer even the aim, let alone the norm – instead, you say whatever you need to say when you need to say it and work on the assumption that you will say something else later. Once upon a time people resigned over stuff like this, but that was then and this is now. Now you wave two fingers at everybody and carry on regardless. At which point your minions are dispatched onto radio and television to proclaim that you are showing strong leadership, while you are actually not at work at all but posturing on the veranda of your borrowed holiday home, loaned by a friendly old Etonian billionaire whom you elevated to the House of Lords when he lost his seat.

When Brexit was first mooted, the people of Northern Ireland pointed out that this would leave them in an impossible position. The Good Friday Agreement, negotiated as long ago as 1998, gave citizens of Northern Ireland and Southern Island certain interchangeable rights and of course they already had freedom of movement as both countries were members of the EU. Leaving the EU would put a spoke in those arrangements, they said, but nobody was listening. The then-Brexit secretary, Dominic Raab, admitted to an astonished Parliamentary committee that he had not read the Good Friday Agreement all the way through and it is doubtful whether Boris Johnson has ever read it at all. In order to get the UK out of the EU, Johnson signed an agreement guaranteeing movement of goods between North and South but it appears that he did not regard signing a legal document as any sort of impediment to doing whatever he needed to do in due course – something he freely admitted to the Democratic Unionist Party at the time. We learned this on Tuesday from Rasputin-turned-Reject Dominic Cummings who cheerily informed Twitter that it was always intended that the Withdrawal Agreement would be broken, that no one should be surprised this was the case and the foreigners had it coming. Meanwhile the man who actually negotiated the Agreement, David Frost, (he got a peerage for his efforts), is now running around complaining that the Agreement is lousy and he only signed it because of pressure of time and because those nasty Eurocrats were being unreasonable about everything. WTF has heard of buyer’s remorse but was unaware that it was enough to get you out of a deal, whether international or private, and is determined to put this defence to the test next time someone tries to get her to pay up under a contractual obligation.

 The best bit, not that there is a best bit, is the outrage with which Brexiteers greeted the remarks of former Irish Prime Minister Leo Varadkar, who had negotiated the deal with Frost. Varadkar pointed out that if this was the UK’s attitude to negotiating deals, maybe other countries should think twice before entering into any agreements with it. And no doubt they will…… we have sunk another notch down.

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We start our review of the week’s fashion fiascoes with singer Zendaya wearing Loewe.

For some reason, the lovely Zendaya is wearing a gold-tinted urinal as a corsage, with matching shoes like the mother of the bar mitzvah boy in the 1960s. Loewe is taking the piss…..

Actor Benedict Cumberbatch wearing STORY mfg.

As WTF has often observed, women always dress up to the nines for film premières while (with a few exceptions) men look like they are popping down to McDonald’s for a double cheeseburger and fries. STORY mfg. sells “organic clothing made from organic fibre & dyed with leaves, bark, roots, and fruit”. This jacket costs £365 and appears to have been embellished by kiddies doing hand painting….

Here is singer and celebritee Ashley Roberts at her 40th birthday party, wearing Minge Maestro Julien Macdonald.

If a shower curtain went to a fancy dress party as a Minge Moment, this is what it would look like. Minge Maestro Julien has done it again…..

Now we have singer Jesy Nelson recently departed from Little Mix, wearing Balenciaga.

Jesy has had a rough time of late, being accused of “black fishing” in her latest video and being trolled generally. WTF is sympathetic but that is no excuse for her wandering around in public wearing see-through shorts  as shiny and slithery-looking as a condom, over what appears to be a white bikini.

Next we are in NYC where we encounter the ineffable Kim Kardashian wearing Balenciaga.

Bugger me, it’s Darth Vader……


And now we are at Cardi B’s 29th birthday party with a very celebritee-studded turnout. Our pictures do not actually include Cardi B – for a change – but the ones we do are BAD. First, we welcome rapper Snoop Dogg, a newcomer to these pages, wearing a most remarkable ensemble.

Deary me. He looks like a pile of perambulating vomit in a woolly hat….

THIS LAST ONE IS VERY BAD. VERY BAD INDEED. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

Singer Lizzo wearing Matthew Reisman.

WTF usually abhors a My Little Ponytail but in this case, she fell to her knees and thanked the Almighty for it. And you will see why……

Look. Just because you can does not mean that you should. And she shouldn’t. No one should.  No to nipple pasties!!!! No to visible thongs!!! No to arse-cheeks!!! No to let-it-all-hang-down!!! If this is not a public order offence, WTF does not know what is. The bar for the WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2021 has just been set sky high……

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Gita (@MsAlliance) who is not happy, not even at all, about Beauty Advent Calendars. Gita is trenchant in her views so WTF will just repeat them….

“You know what has got to go, mate? Ruddy beauty Advent calendars. Sold from September. Teeny samples of skincare and stuff all packaged in tiny plastic miniatures. No-one needs them because we already have our skincare stuff. They end up chucked in the oceans. I say no!”

Yup. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted in Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Dominic Cummings, Dominic Raab, Northern Ireland, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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