Hallo Readers,

So here are the ones we know about. There was A, whom he married, only to have an affair with M. He divorced A and married M, only to have a four-year affair with P, who became pregnant by him and had an abortion. Oh and at some point he was also seeing another journalist, Aa. He lied about the affair with P to his boss and got the sack. He later got a new job and started an affair with H, an unpaid adviser, who was living with a man called Pi. She had a baby girl in 2009 who looked very like our priapic hero, which came as a shock to Pi, as neither he nor H was strawberry blond with blue eyes. A left Pi and the affair with our hero ended, but M threw him out on his ear, although she eventually took him back. In 2010, he was censured by his new employer for failing to declare his relationship with H. In 2012, he started a relationship with J, who – coincidentally – managed to secure various valuable financial grants for her start-up businesses, plus a couple of trips abroad. That affair went on for four years but once again, our hero returned to M, only to be thrown out again when she discovered that he was now having an affair with C from HQ, to whom he is now engaged and who lives with him and their baby. And these are just the ones we know about.

We are talking about our Prime Minister, by the way. What a lad….

Last year, Johnson and Jennifer Arcuri both denied any jiggy-jiggy and said yes, he had visited her flat on Friday afternoons, and no, those meetings were not in his diary, but she was just giving him lessons in IT. Oh, and those pink things that just flew past your window were pigs….This week, after a few previous interviews where she hinted but did not confess, to teaching Johnson more than how to waggle his dongle, Arcuri decided to tell the Daily Mirror what everyone had already guessed, namely that she and Johnson were indeed making the beast with two backs, including having sex on the sofa in his matrimonial home. Now there are renewed calls for Johnson to be investigated for breaching the Nolan Principles for Public Life, namely, his failure to declare his relationship with Jennifer while he was Mayor of London while allowing her to profit financially, but he is unlikely to care about that. On Monday his press secretary, Allegra Stratton, claimed that he acted with ‘honesty and integrity’ as Mayor and that he had no case to answer over Arcuri’s allegations. Oh look. There go more of those pink flying things….. Telling the truth about his sex life is no more important to him than telling the truth about straight bananas or economics or the Irish border – it is a mixture of arrogance, laziness and recklessness which has characterised his entire life, whether as a lover, a husband, a journalist, an MP, London’s Mayor, a Government Minister or Prime Minister. And apparently, rather like the Former Guy in the US, people vote for him anyhow…….

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We start our review of the week’s clothing cobblers with celebritee and socialite Caprice Bourret out and about in London, wearing who knows what this is?

Caprice is strutting down the high street in a polo-neck tit bandage and bared belly-button, without a thought for the sensitivities of long-suffering Londoners exhausted by the rigours of a year’s forced seclusion. There is ‘if you’ve got it, flaunt it’, and there is ‘for Gawd’s sake, put it away love’. This passed ‘for Gawd’s sake, put it away love’ many miles back down the road, and is now heading towards ‘Oh my eyes!!!!’ without the benefit of any brakes.

Now we venture virtually to LA where a bevy of badly dressed celebs attended the NAACP (National Association for the Advance of Colored Peoples) Image Awards. First off is actress Tracee Ellis Ross, wearing Schiaparelli. 

The golden bird is preposterous and the dress is very Wicked Witch of the North, but WTF could live with them, which is more than she can do with the hideous footwear, like a couple of rubber-soled floor uplighters….

Here is actor Nicco Annan wearing KAMSI-TCHARLES and a Givenchy necklace.

Gorgeous guy, awful necklace and seriously shocking suit, like the lovechild of a nurse’s uniform and some very poncy wallpaper…..

Meet the MC for the ceremony, TV presenter Tanika Ray.

Yawn. WTF thought we were over sheer, but Tanika clearly thought otherwise. Not only is the ensemble very unflattering, but one is reminded of Tiwi, the balding ostrich from Pembrokeshire, who lost her feathers in a fight. Only in her case, her owners were appealing for someone to knit her a sweater to cover up the bald patch…..

Now we have British actress Cynthia Erivo, wearing Lanvin.

Lanvin has gone right down the pan, having put the lovely Cynthia into a silvery version of those foam soft fruit protectors, showing off black bra and panties,  (whatever happened to the concept of lining?) and a hideous apricot pelmet.

And this is actress Jurnee Smollett, wearing Minge Maestro Alexandre Vauthier Haute Couture.

Actually, this is relatively modest for Alexandre although the slit is too high, like everything else he makes. WTF’s chief disapprobation is reserved for the alleged bodice, which puts her in mind of Joe Biden wearing his mask.

Away from the NAACP Awards, but still in LA, we encounter celebritee and cosmetics entrepreneur Kylie Jenner, wearing Pierre Louis Auvray. Careful now…

Good grief. She is a perambulating thermal image with extra minge shading and those tits are downright disturbing.

And finally, she’s back after a long absence. WTF refers to rapper Lil’ Kim.

No one can ever explain any of Lil Kim’s fashion choices, and Readers are reminded of the retrospective on her last year in the depths of lockdown where every outfit was a stinker. This one is well down to standard. If Marge Simpson went to a fancy dress party as a kinky Tinkerbell in trouser suspenders, this is what she would look like…..

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Honsa from West London, who has sent a picture of these utterly revolting cycling shorts. WARNING – THIS IS BAD!!!!

AND HERE IS ANOTHER WARNING TO GO WITH THE FIRST WARNING…….

Look, I am sure the saddle gets very sweaty, not to mention those thighs, which are like a couple of hocks of ham. But net over arse-cheeks? No. Just no. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Have a lovely Easter and a lovely Passover and let us meet again next Friday where we will review the SAG Awards Red Carpet and other nonsense. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Go, not to mention your comments. Be good x.