You can breathe out now. Suddenly, everything seems a bit better, as if a four -year migraine has abated. The air seems sweeter. Colours seem brighter. Public officials are qualified to do their job. The President and the Vice- President give a damn about 400,000 people who have died from a virus and are prepared to acknowledge that they actually died. Both of them give every sign of loving, liking, and respecting their spouses. And the world’s leading epidemiologist has acknowledged that he is now able to say what he thinks without fear off the sack and to base his opinions on science, not sycophancy. Thank you God. Thank you.
The orange man has left the building with his vapid, flinty-faced wife, and his hideous family and has gone home to Florida. Similarly, his pious, obsequious Vice-President and his smug wife have also left the building and gone home to Indiana. Instead we have a couple of decent people trying to do their best to mop up the ordure, a job akin to deep-cleansing the Augean stables. Whether they will succeed is too early to say. In the meantime, Wednesday was the time to enjoy the fresh air of the Inauguration, and there was much to enjoy. In particular, everywhere you looked there were fabulous women. The charming and empathetic First Lady, a woman who actually earned her degree rather than pretending to have one. The smiley Vice-President, so smiley that her smile radiated out from the inside of her mask. Siblings, kids and step-children all beautifully dressed, particularly Ella Emhoff in a Prada coat awash with sparkles across her shoulders to match the joy in her step-mother’s eyes. Lady Gaga looking fantastic and sounding even better. JLo looking like a Chanel sailor and sounding good. The amazing 22-year-old Amanda Gorman, in a yellow coat and red hairband with her inspiring poetry. And Senator Amy Klobuchar as joint MC, glowing with happiness at the occasion and as smart as a whip. Even the Supreme Court Judge who swore in the V-P was a woman. So let us enjoy these few rays of winter brightness and hope that they turn into spring sunshine. And even if the future may be greyer and less colourful, at least it won’t be orange.
We start our review of the week’s sartorial shite with the former FLOTUS Melania Trump arriving in Florida to start life out of the White House and as maîtresse of Mar-A-Lago (not for long – Ed) wearing a $3,700 Gucci kaftan.
Having departed the Nation’s Capital in drop-dead gorgeous Chanel jacket and a $77,500 lizard Hermés Birkin handbag, looking fabulously elegant, if funereal, she changed en route and arrived in Palm Beach looking like a particularly nasty 1970’s living room. By the way, clock the caked on makeup and the fact that for the first time ever, she is wearing flatties and not vertiginous heels. Goodbye and Good Riddance. Be a stranger.
On the principle of out with the old and in with the older, President Joe Biden’s Inauguration took place at noon attended by dignitaries various. Three living Presidents were in attendance (Jimmy Carter being too old to risk it at 96, and the recent incumbent having buggered off as aforesaid), including Bill Clinton and his wife, former Senator, Secretary of State, and Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton. Hillary is wearing Ralph Lauren.
She’s still wearing those bloody pantsuits. Heaven knows how many votes they cost her in 2016. Just think – had she desisted from the Angela Merkel look and gone for something tailored, that orange lunatic might never have been elected and we could have been spared four years of pain. What black booties have to do with an aubergine coat and a violet ensemble WTF cannot say, but more objectionable is the flouncy scarf which makes her resemble Prince in his purple phase.
Also there was Senator Bernie Sanders, Biden’s rival for the Democratic nomination. No new overcoat for Bernie – he was wearing his beloved Burton jacket and an enormous pair of woollen mittens, knitted for him from up-cycled wool by a constituent.
Bernie did not give a stuff about the eyebrows raised at his somewhat casual garb. He told reporters, “You know in Vermont, we dress warm, we know something about the cold, and we’re not so concerned about good fashion, we want to keep warm. And that’s what I did today.” Bless. WTF could not but wonder whether those mittens were sewn onto his sleeves, like kiddies going to school.
Next up we have rapper Cardi B wearing Rey Ortiz and a very lairy Vuitton handbag.
Goodness me. The zip goes right round the minge area and the bra-thingies appear to be a couple of very well cooked scooped-out potato skins and filled with Cardi B.
Now we have singer Dua Lipa wearing Monôt.
While her fellow Brits are locked indoors and threatened with infection by all manner of new viruses if they so much as venture out, Dua has taken herself off to somewhere exotic. Wherever that is, it ain’t Regent’s Park. Quite apart from rubbing our noses in it, we are also being exposed to the threat of arse cheeks, like spotting a builder’s bum on a construction site.
Here is internet influencer Tana Mongeau wearing a very extraordinary ensemble.
is she going to be someone’s caddie? Pringle has a lot to answer for, although it is not clear whether this is actually by Pringle. Whoever had the audacity to design this, s/he was clearly influenced by the terrible trousers worn by golfer John Daly at the PGA in 2010.
And finally, we have model and presenter Heidi Klum in a publicity shot for Germany’s Next Top Model wearing Nicolas Jebran.
The use of the word ‘wearing’ is perhaps a trifle abstract here. This is more of a crotch curtain with a massive helping of side boob, like the sun peeking out from behind Uluru in the Northern Territory.
This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Louise from Gloucestershire who expresses some reservations about Dr Jill Biden’s footwear when she and the new President walked along Pennsylvania Avenue to their new home. She had discarded the blue stilettos that matched her dress, coat and mask and changed instead into a pair of nude pumps.
We all understand that new shoes hurt, especially when you have to walk in them, but Louise’s view, unyielding as it might seem, is that new shoes should be worn in before a special occasion and not abandoned halfway through it. She also takes the view that nude shoes generally are an abomination because they do not flatter the foot, the leg or the outfit. In other words, It’s Got to Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as they give WTF great cheer, as well as your tip-top suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again on next Friday. Be good and stay safe.