Welcome to another edition of ‘No, I Didn’t Say That’, the popular political game where Boris Johnson says one thing in the morning, has it explained away in a wholly different light by his spokespersons at No 10 within the hour and then denies ever having said it at all before lunchtime the next day. This is a franchise of the American version ‘Trumpy Says Fake News’, where the tangerine-faced moron who is President of the United States denies everything, even though it is on tape, and then blames all and any of MSM, George Soros, President Obama, Joe Biden, Antifa, Black Lives Matter, Liberals, Mexican caravans and anyone who isn’t white. In our UK version, the lovable mop-haired Prime Minister is less aggressive than Mr Tangerine Man but just as mendacious, and the bigger the scandal, the more mendacious he becomes. And there is no bigger scandal than the deaths of 20,000 elderly care home residents who died from Covid-19. Blind Pugh could have seen it coming. It was clear from the earliest stages that the most affected the elderly and the medically vulnerable (in many cases, this was the same thing) and that the virus could be spread by close contact. It was obvious that residents of care homes, living and dining together, and being looked after by carers who go in and out of those homes into the virus-ridden community, would be at serous risk. But the Government ignored care homes for a long time; it did not publish the death figures for deaths in those homes until shamed into it; it did not provide enough PPE; and because it did not provide enough testing, it allowed people to go in and out of hospital and then back to care homes without testing them, thus spreading the virus into and within those homes. And nearly 20,000 (1 in 20 of those resident in care homes) have died. So far.
So what did our Glorious Leader do? He blamed the care homes and the carers, people, predominantly women, working for low wages and risking their lives to do so. Indeed, 257 of them have died. Many of them had no more than a crappy apron, a few pairs for gloves and maybe a low-quality mask, and 257 of them died, but Johnson said that it was their fault because ‘Too many care homes did not really follow the procedures in the way that they should have….’. Once the horror of this had sunk in, Downing Street explained that what he had meant was that there were different procedures at that time. That was greeted with outrage as well, given that the Nation may be beaten and bedraggled by the last few months, but it still has ears and can understand basic English. So it was even more outraged when Johnson stood up in the House of Commons and told Keir Starmer that he had never blamed the care workers at all. He professed that ‘the last thing I wanted to do is to blame them or for them to think that I was blaming them ….No one knew that the virus was passed asymptomatically in the way that it is that that is why the guidance and procedure changed’. Er….they did know that. That, as Starmer pointed out, was known at the early stages of the pandemic. Everyone knows that this Government cocked it up, and cocked it up big. Johnson of course was not having it, because he loves and admires carers and he put up the Living Wage! How dare Starmer blame this Government? Anyone would think that it had been in power for a decade. Oh, hang on…..
Incompetence is bad. Lying about it is worse. Pretending that the Government has done a good job is worse still. Like Mr Tangerine Man across the ocean, Johnson just cannot handle the truth. But we know what the truth is.
This week, our fashion retrospective features male singers various who have appalled us over the past 8 years with their foul fashion faux pas. We start our survey in December 2012 with Steven Tyler from Aerosmith. Yes, he is on stage, but with him, it really makes absolutely no difference. He probably wears this to go shopping.
If Janis Joplin went to a fancy dress party as a Native American Chief, this is what she would have looked like.
In August 2013 2Chainz (né Tauheed Epps) ventured forth in head to toe Versace.
No wonder his head is bent forward like that – look at the weight of those chains! It is a wonder that his head is not at floor level. As it is, he looks like a Versace-clad Mayoral Sir Dick Whittington, but without the cat. And Sir Dick would never have worn a baseball cap back to front, even had such a thing existed in the 14th century, which it didn’t.
Here we are in October 2013 with Pharrell Williams in a hotchpotch of nonsense.
WTF can only surmise that the fire alarm went off and Pharrell grabbed whatever he could in the pitch darkness and put in on as he ran downstairs to safety. Because why else would you go out looking like a pile of charity discards?
Dear Lord! What on earth was he wearing? Was he going for the Edwardian bather in hobnail boots look? And if he was going for that look, why was he going for that look? Putrid.
In August 2016, Elton John and his husband David Furnish (the one behind him with a beard) went strolling around P0rto Cervo in Sardinia.
WTF has never been a fan of a shorts suit, which is a bit Empire Customs’ official, but at least (i) officials do not have a choice other than to wear it and (ii) theirs are in khaki or some other muted hue. Elton looked like the love child of a grasshopper and a leprechaun, the fit was deplorable and he is about 50 years too old to wear a shirt with matching trainers. As from the brooch, it was last seen on Her Majesty the Queen.
November 2016 introduced us to Cole Whittle from DNCE.
Make that DUNCE. Whatever he was wearing, he should not have been wearing it, a sort of wizard’s plumbing assistant in snow boots. WTF also remains mystified by the red thing across his neck….. is it a magic wand? If so, it was a pity he did not make himself disappear.
We are in February 2017 at the Grammys, where we feast our eyes on Ceelo Green.
To be fair to Ceelo, he was wearing a costume for his new alter ego, Gnarly Davidson. But he still went out in public looking like a giant knob, and a gold one at that….
In November 2017 Machine Gun Kelly went to the AMAs.
There is painterly and there is a prattish. Jackson Pollock, eat your heart out…..
We have arrived at June 2018 where we find Harry Styles, formerly of One Direction, wearing Gucci.
Last week we had Gucci designer Alessandro Michele looking like a Laura Ashley wet dream, and now we have Harry epitomising that wet dream in Laura’s vintage thistle print. WTF hates the whole thing, from the absurd lapels to the nappy-style fit of the bell-bottom, too-long trouser. And is he brushing his teeth?
Here we are at the Attitude Awards in London in October 2018 and this is Sam Smith.
No one should ever wear lace trousers, whether in bottle green or any other shade whatsoever, not even at all, and certainly not with a matching bed jacket, like a lactating new mother, paired with black brogues. Absolutely frightful. WTF is as horrified at this as when she first saw it nearly two years ago….
In December 2018, Kanye West, the next President of the United States, attended 2Chainz’s wedding accompanied by his wife, future FLOTUS Kim Kardashian. Kanye was wearing Louis Vuitton but the real horrors are on his feet and ankles, namely slides from his own Yeezy collection ($150) and socks.
WTF does not approve of suits without a shirt or t-shirt, and while the colour was nice, the cut was not. But the slides, which do not even fit, were an outrage.
Apparently, Kanye was following the Japanese way. We know this because he told us so. ‘Your heal (sic) should extend 1-2 cm off the back of the wooden sole’. Or maybe you should just choose bigger slides. And then keep them in the wardrobe when attending someone else’s wedding. In the unlikely event that Kanye does become the 46th President, he will at least have something in common with the 45th – neither of them can spell.
We conclude in November 2019 at the AMAs with Lil’ Nas X.
This outfit was the spawn of a frog and a tiger. With most unfortunate results. And those shoes were the absolute pits. And the gloves. And the earring……..
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. No room for It’s Got To Go this week. Keep sending in your comments, which put a spring into WTF’s wearied step, and please don’t forget your scintillating suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your nominations for the fashion retrospectives. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good, BE CAREFUL OUT THERE AND KEEP WASHING YOUR HANDS!. x
Lord, I don’t know if I was toughened by all the preceding horrors, but by the time I reached Li’l Nas he looked merely bad.
As for what’s Got To Go, at this point I’d say *everything*. Let God sort them out.
Maybe we need a Nice Things We Can’t Have section? Gregory Peck in Roman Holiday.