It has been grim this week. Really grim. And by all accounts, it is going to get grimmer. So given that it is both Easter and Passover, let us stay away from blame, recriminations and bile; instead we will consider some of the things this week that made us feel just a little better.
- The Queen. Sod it, this is my blog and I can write what I want. She came on the telly last Sunday night clad in emerald green and she absolutely smashed it. It was like listening to your granny telling you that everything was going to be alright. OK, most people’s grannies do not live in a castle. But, unlike some whom WTF could mention, but won’t, she struck the right note. If only she had gone full Vera Lynn and sung We’ll Meet Again at the end, it would have been faultless. Good show Ma’am.
- Boris is out of intensive care. It does not matter whether you dislike the man intensely. Anyone with a shred of decency would not be wishing anyone dead from this virus. Plus, it gets us nearer to not having to see the gormless Dominic Raab as acting front of house, a man with all the charisma of a bucket of cold custard. When you start thinking fondly of Michael Gove, you know that things are bad.
- The splendid new practice in Australia of taking your bins out in fancy dress (the householders, not the bins), like a socially-distanced street party. Whoever thought up the slogan ‘our bins get out more than we do’ deserves an extra Easter Egg. As long as whoever goes to buy it wears a mask.
- The even more splendid practice of the weekly Thursday night applause at 8 pm for those people who risk their lives every day to keep us safe – not just NHS staff, but carers, shop staff, delivery drivers and transport staff. And the growing recognition that all off these people have not only been underpaid for decades, but wholly under-appreciated. Thank you.
- Jacinda Ardern, Prime Minister of New Zealand, has not only played a blinder throughout this corona crisis (death toll, one person), but took time to assure her country’s kiddies that Easter Bunnies were essential workers; although she did warn them “.. if the Easter Bunny doesn’t make it to your household, then we have to understand that it’s a bit difficult at the moment for the bunny to perhaps get everywhere”
- Finally, nothing lifts the spirits like a celebritee sex romp. This week it was footballer Kyle Walker, a man whose IQ is so small you have to look for it using police sniffer dogs. Walker’s idea of #stayathome was to order in a couple of hookers to entertain him and a mate. One of these young ladies, Louise McNamara, 21, a criminology student at Manchester Metropolitan University pocketed eleven hundred pounds (in cash), and then proceeded to pocket thousands more by telling her story to The Sun, which published it on the justification that Kyle had counselled his fans to stay indoors and so was a rank hypocrite. WTF was more struck by the fact that Louise, who has more tattoos than a Popeye Convention, and great deal of hair that is patently not her own, was selected for this gig by her agency because Kyle had asked for someone ‘classy’. Which makes you wonder what her companions are like. Yurgle.
Hardly had last week’s blog hit your screens, inviting your nominations for celebritee fashion retrospectives, some of you were calling for a feature on Lewis Hamilton, So here he is. Readers are advised to have a receptacle to hand….
We start in September 2014 at the GQ Awards in London with Lewis’ then girlfriend Nicole Scherzinger. She was wearing Ermanno Scervino and looked lovely. He was wearing Armani and D2quare2 Trainers and looked silly.
The jacket is as shiny as a beetle’s carapace.
However, what caught WTF’s appalled eye were the trainers with white soles. TRAINERS!!! With a dinner jacket. Kill me now.
We move to June 2015, and find Lewis in London at the premiere of Minions, wearing a jacket by Adidas x Pharrell (£525), jeans and trainers both by YSL and a really stupid hat.
There is a village somewhere missing its idiot.
We move to January 2016 and Paris Fashion Week with our hero wearing Louis Vuitton.
There is something rather clerical about that collar, but then we have layer upon layer of tastefully-hued silks, like Mme de Pompadour in her boudoir.
Still in Paris, this time in January 2017 with Lewis clad in Balmain.
Olé!! And again WTF says olé! But not olé to those ridiculous boots…
In September 2017, Lewis attended Milan Fashion Week wearing Missoni.
Lewis rightfully won the WTF Christmas Turkey 2017 for this get up. No one was quite sure what he was wearing under the coat, which seemed to have been borrowed from the world’s tallest lumberjack, but those spindly little legs in huge boots looked positively preposterous, and WTF is being kind.
In 2017 Lewis hooked up with designer Tommy Hilfiger and became his Ambassador. In December 2017, he wore this creation to the Hilfiger show at London Fashion Week.
Question. Does Lewis actually own a pair of ordinary shoes? Does he suffer badly from corns? Or from bunions the size of onions? And above the ankles, he looked like a deckchair.
Jump forward to December 2017 at the British Fashion Awards, where Lewis wore Versace. He is seen here with Donatella Versace (who looks great in one of the label’s signature prints).
As WTF wrote at the time, Lewis was giving us his Twatty McTwatty look with hiking boots and a necklace over a polo neck and a hanging hankie, mirroring Donatella’s dress, in homage to Captain Sparrow. WTF also posed the question, why did he always have to look like such a knob? She conjectured that teams of rocket scientists were currently working around the clock to resolve this conundrum. And they still are, two years on….
In May 2018, Lewis attended the amFAR Gala in Cannes. This one is a shocker….
Whoever designed this excrescence wisely kept it quiet. You can see why… if a waiter in a diner went to a fancy dress party as a blingy concentration camp inmate, this is what he would look like.
We are now in June 2019 where we see Lewis at Paris Men’s Fashion Week wearing Valentino.
Those jeans were not designed with Lewis in mind (he is 5’7″) – they have been folded over, like a child anticipating a growth spurt. Meanwhile, those trainers were downright manky, As for the top, as WTF observed at the time, he resembled an extra from Dinner Ladies.
We conclude with Lewis gracing the cover of GQ in July 2019. He is wearing a kilt designed by renowned Scotsman Tommy Hilfiger.
WTF is only surprised that Nicola Sturgeon did not apply for an injunction on the grounds that this constituted defamation of the entire Scottish Nation. You never saw Mel Gibson wearing a necklace in Braveheart.
This week’s It’s Got To Go is from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who was seriously unhappy to come across this nastiness.
Yes, you and your loved one can capture that blissful moment of advanced pregnancy by being photographed hand in hand with the mother-to-be dressed like a Grecian Goddess showing her panties. Ye gods. It’s Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments, which gladden WTF’s heart, and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go and the candidates for the celebritee fashion retrospective. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good, WASH YOUR HANDS AND STAY INDOORS. x