Up until Wednesday evening, the USA was separating children from their would-be migrant parents in compliance with what we were assured was the law of the land. Attorney-General Jeff Sessions, the malignant hobgoblin, assured us that not only is it the law, but the Bible insisted that the law must be obeyed. Sarah Sanders, the sarcastic White House Press Secretary, agreed. President Trump went further. Not only is it the law, but it is the Democrats’ law. Except it isn’t a law at all. There is no law insisting that children be separated from their parents. And even if it is the law, which it isn’t, other Presidents, both Democrat and Republican, have not implemented it. This Administration, however, is applying a policy introduced by the hobgoblin in April to deter illegal migrants (i.e. brown people), from entering in the USA by taking their kiddies away. Except that Nordic ice maiden Kirstjen Neilsen, Secretary for Homeland Security, says that it is not a policy. So there may or may not be a policy enforcing what is or is not a law. In any event, even if there is a policy to enforce a law, the hobgoblin, the Nordic ice maiden, sarcastic Sarah and Trump were all clear that only the Congress could change the law and that the President could not do so by Executive Order. The Democrats had only to agree to fund the wall, you know, the one that Mexico was going to pay for, and all would be well.
On Wednesday night Trump signed an Executive Order to change the law. From now on, kiddies will not be taken from their parents and they will all be locked up together. Except there IS a law that children may not be detained for more 20 days, so then what happens then? Are the children to be removed again? Meanwhile, the Executive Order makes no provision for the 2,300 children currently detained away from their parents, and no one has been able to explain, because they have no idea, how they are to be reunited with their families, let alone when. Trump’s view is that anyone coming across the border is an actual or future member of the M S 13 gang, and that crafty lawyers have told the kids to utter the magic phrase ‘I want asylum’. Considering that some of these kiddies are only a few months’ old and cannot speak at all, whichever lawyer managed to teach them that phrase should patent the process immediately because it is some achievement. Or maybe the kids are just super-smart and worthy of one of those Einstein visas reserved for special geniuses – you know, like Melania Trump.
The hobgoblin now Says there was no policy to separate children and parents, despite previously saying the opposite. Trump continues to insist that zero tolerance is essential because of the migrant crisis, despite immigration numbers actually falling. The Nordic ice maiden is humiliated and clearly has no idea what the hell is going on. And to add to the air of total farce, yesterday Melania Trump flew down to the Texas border on an unannounced visit, wearing a khaki Zara $39 parka bearing the message ‘I really don’t care. Do U?’ Actually, love, yes. We do care. A lot. Your message was offensive. You are offensive. Your husband is offensive. His Administration is offensive. His policies are offensive. His supporters are offensive. And the sooner you are all gone, the better.
We start the week’s sartorial survey with HRH Duchess of Sussex wearing Oscar de la Renta.
Meghan has wrapped herself in a Wedgwood bedspread, her hair is a mess and she has stuck some crumpled toilet paper on her head and called it a hat.
Football pundit Ian Wright on TV, wearing something truly terrible.
Twitter rose up as one to condemn this ghastly shirt which caused extensive retinal damage to those tuned in to Sunday’s ITV’s coverage of the World Cup. Not only does it have flamingos all over it, it is the colour of a pureed frog.
Singer Ellie Goulding at the Serpentine Summer Party in London’s Hyde Park wearing Jacquemus.
This is the problem with linen. It creases. Ellie’s dress is more creased than Tommy Lee Jones’ forehead and it costs £630, which is a load of cash for a bit of crumpled cloth. And that thing over her cleavage looks like her dinner napkin is still tucked in….
To LA and Momager Kris Jenner wearing Akris, with her daughter Kim Kardashian wearing a Jacquemus shirtdress and a Rick Owens skirt. They were attending a Business of Fashion Forum. Oh, the irony….
Kris appears to have removed the curtains from her grandchildren’s bedroom and turned them into a pantsuit, worn with white pointy bootees like a pair of KKK hoodies. Kim never ventures out of doors without flashing her tits. However, environmentalists have clearly found a use for recycled plastic bottles littering the beaches. They have all gone into Kim’s face, bum and chest.
Now we find ourselves at the MTV Movie & TV Awards and a number of shocking outfits starting with actor Chadwick Boseman, wearing Off-White.
This is from Off-White’s Impressionist collection. WTF’s impression is that Chadwick looks like a beginner’s guide to Monet.
And then there was rapper Justina Valentine wearing Nene La Shiro.
She looks like she has been burnt alive with the ashes covering her nips.
Next we have singer Halsey, wearing Julien Macdonald.
This is another of those fancy bandages masquerading as a dress and is typical of Julien Macdonald’s frocks, i.e. tawdry and putting onlookers in fear of an imminent minge moment. As for Halsey, she looks as if someone has scribbled on her with an indelible laundry pen.
The last of our MTV horrors is in the shapely shape of Australian swimwear model Liv Pollock, wearing something quite unspeakable. The designer is staying anonymous. Good call.
Liv is making an early bid for the Christmas Turkey 2018. These trousers, not that they are trousers, are possibly the worst trousers in the history of trousers, basically doo-dah drapes which ventilate your vag and show off your tan line. Team with a boob-bandage showing visible nipple activity, and you’re good to go.
Here we are in London at the Diva Awards (no, me neither), where we meet singer Gareth Gates, seen here with his partner, soap actress Faye Brooks.
Faye is wearing traditional soap star attire, i.e. tight and titsy (this one is by House of CB) and a pair of hideous suede platform hooves. But the real offender here is her partner, who is also making an early bid for the Christmas Turkey 2018 in this crushed velvet suit. Gareth is putting the breasted into double-breasted by baring his chest with his artfully-disarranged black shirt, whilst his trousers hover high above his ankles, as if in a holding pattern whilst waiting to land.
AND NOW!!! THE WINNER OF THE WTF SUMMER STINKER POLL 2018 IS
MOSCHINO DESIGNER JEREMY SCOTT!!!!
No, look at him. What a pillock…….. It was a fight to the finish between him and Rihanna and Gillian McKeith putting in a creditable performance to come third. But Jeremy is obviously a worthy winner.
This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado @Nabiganji who has highlighted this utterly vile Donald Trump ‘shocked face’ tracksuit. Should you be raving mad, you can buy it on the Getonfleek website for only $99 (reduced from $149.)
Of course, Donald Trump has got to go, period. But having his open mouth on your genitals – in public? Even Stormy Daniels did it in private, and she’s a porn star. It’s Got to Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x
Excellent piece on Trump as always.
Now, the fashion. Well, what a bunch of sad people! I know most of them do it to get noticed, but are they really that desperate? Obviously they are. I wish the entire Kardashian/Jenner family would just go away.
So please Jeremy Scott won the poll.
Very unfortunate placement of Trumps mouth on the track suit, even worse than the Harry’s beard swimsuit a few weeks ago!
*Please do not describe Jeff Sessions as “the malignant gargoyle”. Your use of the singular article implies that he is the sole malignant gargoyle in this administration when in fact he is one of many.
*Mrs. Trump wore that jacket on the plane ride to Texas, but the press corps lauded her tact when she removed it before she got off the airplane. I can state without doubt that she removed the jacket not out of any sense of decency, but because the summertime temperatures and humidity along the Texas gulf coast are both well into the upper nineties. She would have passed out after wearing that thing for more than a few minutes.
*Okay, Ian Wright’s shirt is maybe not one I would have suggested he wear, but the microphone he has clipped to it is very nice.
*Kim Kardashian. Well, we all have our own crosses to bear.
*Chadwick Boseman startled me, to the point that my eyes hurt badly enough that I thought I was going to have to make an emergency visit to my optometrist. Fortunately, the pain stopped when I scrolled down to the next item. “The fault is not in our stars but in our clothes”? (Sorry about that. Sort of.)
*You are letting Faye Brooks wiggle off the hook too easily. Her outfit looks like a condom with two open ends.
The Faye Brooks comment is brilliant. I didn’t say gargoyle I said hobgoblin!
Oh darn. I was so busy being brilliant that I got my monsters confused. Still, I’ll stick with gargoyle anyway. Mr. Sessions would look very natural perched on the roof of a medieval cathedral with Charles Laughton sitting next to him; “Why was I not made of stone like thee?”