wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

It is a little known fact that there are twin Trumps and they take in turns to pretend to be President. One day it is Donny A, the next it is Donny B. They share the same phone, so when Donny A is President, he gets to tweet and when it is Donny B’s turn, he does the tweeting. That is why it is so unfair to criticise the President for golfing every weekend. On weekends, one of them plays golf and the other one runs the country from the White House. It is all under the control. Believe me.

No wonder that the President’s tweets are so contradictory and he gets so upset at being ridiculed. Donny A didn’t realise that Donny B had called Russian interference in the election a hoax, which is why Donny A came out all guns blazing and attacked his predecessor for failing to stop Russian interference. Because no one would attack someone for not doing something about something that didn’t exist, would they? Donny A tweeted that he was not under investigation and Donny B then tweeted that he was. Donny A railed about the Fake News Media not talking about his many accomplishments (no, me neither) but Donny B woke up on Thursday morning and tweeted this about Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough, her fiancé and co-presenter of MSNBC’s Morning Joe.

Yes Joe and Mika have attacked him relentlessly (and fairly) for his lies, his tweets, his oafishness, his self-absorption. And they used to be his pals. But his retaliatory tweets were so childish, offensive and misogynist that Republican Representatives and Senators criticised them. Even Fox News criticised them. But not Melania Trump (who has not noticed that she has two husbands although she tends to keep her distance – can you blame her?). FLOTUS, whose cause is to end cyber-bullying, put out a statement which said “As the First Lady has stated publicly in the past, when her husband gets attacked, he will punch back 10 times harder“. And Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the Deputy Press Secretary, defended the President as “a fighter” who was entitled to respond to “bullying”. Sanders is a devout Christian. Now WTF is no Biblical scholar but she thought that a (lifted) eye for a (lifted) eye and a (capped) tooth for a (capped) tooth was in the Old Testament not the New One, which is about turning the other (botoxed) cheek.

WTF has some questions for Mr President.

• Why are you watching TV instead of running the country?
• Why are you tweeting instead of running the country?
• Why are you behaving like a petulant toddler (Mommy! The nasty girl hit me first)?
• Why are you obsessed with women bleeding? Are you a haemomaniac?
• Why are you calling Mika, a graduate of Williams College, someone with a low IQ? 
• Why didn’t you attack Joe’s appearance, only hers?
• Why can’t you be more, well, PRESIDENTIAL?

You are supposed to a figurehead, not a fathead, a leader, not a lout. You are supposed to set a moral example. The Office of President represents America and its people. The irony is that this week you had a real target – a YUGE Fake News story which forced CNN to grovel and three employees to resign for making false, unchecked allegations,. This was a scandal which did a disservice to the cause of genuine journalists trying to do their job under continuous attack. Most of your travel ban got lifted. You had an open goal. But instead, just like you did with your ridiculous “Obama tapped my phone” tweets after your well-received State of the Union address, you diverted attention away from good news and made your idiocy the story, which is bad news. Your tweet is not even true, as there are pictures of you, Mika and Joe together on New Year’s Eve.  Meanwhile, Donny A and Donny B need to start talking to each other and listening to those who understand the dignity of the Office. Grow up, pipe down and log off.

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We start our review of the sartorial shockingness with the publicity-hunting, Trump-loving, ex-politican-but-threatening-a-comeback, Nigel Farage.

As WTF aficionado Sian remarked, that lion is averting his eyes, and with good reason, because the sight of Nigel dressed up as a nationalist, technicolour shambles is more than any self-respecting lion could bear, even if he does have a heart of stone.

Next up, we have singer Dua Lipa, wearing Blumarine.

Ouch. And again WTF says ouch. Anyone with abs like these would want to show them off but these trousers fall squarely into the category of “Call For the Canesten”. They are tight over her bits but then as billowing as the sails at the Henley Regatta and as creased as Tracey’s Emin’s rumpled bed.

Back for a second week running, singer Celine Dion out and about in Paris, wearing Balmain.

Celine has been splashing the cash of late. Those are boots, not trousers and they cost $2,076. The coat is snakeskin and it costs $23,403. The teeshirt is a mere snip at $771. That is a lot of money for so little result. (Except for Balmain, of course).

Meet model, musician and aristocrat Lady Mary Charteris at the Serpentine Gallery Summer Party.

This is not a dress. This is a cobweb worn with big panties.

To the BET (Black Entertainment Television) Awards which are always a rich source of sartorial shockingness. This year was well up to scratch, or down to scratch, or whatever direction sartorial shockingness goes in when assaulting our eyeballs. Here is a good example in the shape of actress and singer Ryan Destiny wearing Misbhv.

Why are the jeans concertina-ering about her calves? Why does she need silly little sunglasses in the dark? And why is she wearing a golf bag?

Ryan had better watch out. Donald Trump may pick her up and take her off to Mar-A-Lago or one of his other golfing establishments – a fate far worse than death.

Next up, we have DJ Kwaylon Rogers. What the hell is he wearing?

Kwaylon is obviously moonlighting as a head-to-toe, perambulating Northern Lights poster.

This person is the newest cast member of some TV reality rubbish called Love and Hiphop – Hollywood. Her name is Alexis Skyy.

Alexis used to be in a relationship with rapper Fetty Wap (why do these people have such stupid names?) and is now embroiled in a dispute with him over the release of a sex tape, about which Fetty has got the hump. WTF also has the hump because Alexis is wearing a cutout doily with a mesh window where a mesh window should not be.

Finally, we have rapper Lil’ Kim at the Angel Brinks fashion show.

Lil’ Kim is certainly short in stature (4’9″) but who knew that she could still fit into baby grows? This one is very sparkly, very tight and has a belt with a mini television on it. Oh, and a hood.

This entertaining ensemble puts WTF in mind of Woody Allen dressed as sperm in Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF stalwart Andrew Purcell who found these truly obnoxious lacy shorts and shirts by US company Hologram City. They come in a variety of nausea-inducing pastels and cost $49 for the shirt and $49 for the shorts.

WTF is all for equality, but just because women are going around flashing their all in lace does not mean that men have to do it as well. The whole trend has most definitely Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep those comments coming in (WTF does love them so) as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x