wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

WTF is a fully paid up member of the Metropolitan Liberal Elite. She lives in Islington. She is a professional person with an Oxbridge degree. She votes Labour. She reads the Guardian and the Observer. She has a Nespresso machine. You get the picture. The MLE tends to hang around with other MLE, i.e. people who largely share their views. The MLE loves Twitter and Facebook, but there is a downside, namely  exposure to views you would not normally hear from people you would not normally meet. Like the views of former champion darts player Eric Bristow. Bristow’s career diminished after he developed something called severe dartitis (I am not making this up), a condition affecting the way you throw your darts. This week he developed severe twatitis, a condition affecting the way you throw away your career. Bristow, doubtless having had a few, and then a few more, took to Twitter to deride the former footballers who have spoken publicly about their sexual abuse as children and young men by coaches. In the macho, hairy-arsed world of football where grown men cover each other with kisses and roll about in agony at the slightest tackle (and sometimes after no tackle at all), sexual experiences with a man, voluntary or involuntary, is still not to be spoken of. These public disclosures were therefore incredibly brave and heartbreaking to behold. Not to Bristow however. To him, these were not “real men” but “wimps”.  He told us “Might be a looney but if some football coach was touching me when I was a kid as I got older I would have went back and sorted that poof out”. More pearls of wisdom followed. “U got to sought him out when u get older or don’t look in the mirror glad I am a dart player proper men.” A few hours later, doubtless after frantic calls from his agent, he tweeted an apology of sorts “Sorry meant paedo not poof.”  It was not enough to save his job as a darts commentator on Sky Sports and the next morning he was gone, his career on a downwards trajectory to oblivion.

Bristow is a neanderthal and he is also clearly very thick, grammar and spelling as unknown to him as compassion and common sense. What struck WTF however was not just the number of people who agreed that a “real man” would prove his manliness by kicking the shit out of his abuser; not just those who queried why it took men in their late 30’s, 40’s and 50’s years to disclose what they had suffered, clearly unable to understand the guilt and the shame and the horror and the trauma and the worthlessness and the suicidal thoughts and the ruined relationships they had carried like a millstone for decades; but also those who denounced Bristow’s sacking as another example of “political correctness gone mad” and the vengeful MLE demanding retribution for a man expressing his honest opinion. As it happens, WTF suspects that Sky Sports was less concerned about political correctness and more concerned about how advertisers would react to the continued employment of this moron by the channel on which they were flogging their wares. Not to mention Sky’s lucrative relationship with football and footballers. But the idea that Bristow was unfairly hounded out of his job for sneering at rape victims (for that is what they are) and that the MLE got him sacked rather than his own stupidity and ignorance is wrong, wrong, wrong. Bristow is free to be an insensitive oaf. Sky is free not to employ an  insensitive oaf. It is that simple.

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Let us cheer ourselves up with the week’s sartorial shockers, starting with reality star Chloe Goodman out and about in Manchester, wearing Oh Polly!

That is not so much a tit window as a tit emergency exit and Chloe’s appear to be making a break for freedom. Yurgle.

Next up, we have actress Salma Hayek at the London premiere of I Am Bolt, wearing Gucci.

What is the point of being married to the fat cat who owns Gucci if you cannot corner the cream of the collection? This is more the curdled milk and it is unflattering. Is Selma auditioning for a Beatles tribute band?

Also present at the premiere was former athlete and Olympic Gold medallist Darren Campbell. 

Darren has a gorgeous beaming smile but WTF has trouble in deciding which is the more offensive, the jacket cut from curtains out of a B&B in Bridlington or the germolene – pink toning shirt. Darren should have sprinted away from this outfit….

Here is Lady Gaga out and about wearing St Laurent.

You may recall that Rihanna wore a similar nonsense at Paris Fashion Week. What is St. Laurent doing and why is it doing it? If an American football player went to a fancy dress party as a giant teddy bear, this is what he would look like. Should you (a) have £16,900 to spare and (b) have parted company from your marbles, you too could resemble a cuddly omnivore. As for the shoes, they are like horses’ hooves. 

To the Victoria’s Secret extravaganza in Paris where we encounter singer, talent judge and former Mr Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon.

The coat is very sensible in this chilly climate and WTF even has a bit of a soft spot for the grey sparkly shoes, although WTF aficionados Holly and Belinda were most disapproving of them. But there is no excuse, not even of any kind, for the pink turban straight from the Joan Collins look-book or for the matching accessories. 

Bella Hadid walked the runway in her scanties and then appeared at the after-party wearing this “dress” by Minge Maestro Julien Macdonald. This is the first of our two entries in the series Sheer Tedium.

Oh just stop it. You were probably wearing more on the catwalk. And go and eat something.

The second entry is sort-of model Demi Rose Mawby at the OK! Beauty Awards, wearing House of CB.

Never mind Demi Rose, she is demi-robed. There is a lot of groin on display. 

I dare say that many men would want to unzip her but that does not make it acceptable to wear this garment out of doors. It is a brothel-keeper’s housecoat, and it is putting horrified onlookers in fear of an imminent minge moment.

This week’s It’s Got To Go is Shadow Education Minister Angela Rayner, who seems to have had little education herself. She appeared on Wednesday’s The Daily Politics and gave a performance of quite staggering ineptitude. Simultaneously shouty, rude and ill-informed, she said that the Government had cut corporation tax and capital gains tax. When asked to identify the cut to CGT, she dodged the answer only to be told that it has been raised, not reduced. At which point it became clear that Rayner knew as much about taxes as Andrew Neil’s hair-weave.  She then embarked upon a rant about cuts to social services in her constituency (admittedly a bad state of affairs) and also failed to answer a question about Labour’s proposed rate for Corporation Tax. “You don’t know, do you?” said Andrew. WTF did not follow the rest of the interview as she was hiding behind the sofa with her hands over her ears. Do your bloody homework, woman.  She’s Got To Go.