Hallo Readers,

President Trump. Just roll it round your tongue. Swill it around your mouth. Does it taste like a fine burgundy? Or like a cup of cold sick? WTF is in no doubt.  The 45th President of America will be a racist, a misogynist, a liar, a braggart, a bully and a bull-shitter who ran one of the most vile campaigns ever.  He honed in on the legitimate fears of those who have seen their home towns decline, their jobs disappear and their savings diminish. He targeted their illegitimate fears that every Muslim is trying to kill them and that every Mexican wants to rape their women and sell crack to their kids.  He branded his opponent a crook and a criminal with no actual evidence of either, and whipped his supporters into a frenzy of indignation about her non-existent crimes so that they now positively expect him, like some citrus-hued Judge Dredd, to lock her up.  If Clinton does not join the inmates of Litchfield Penitentiary by the end of 2017 – unless Obama pardons her by way of a farewell – there will probably be riots the length of Pennsylvania Avenue. In his victory speech, Trump had the effrontery to tell us that “Now it’s time for America to bind the wounds of division”. This is like the man who murdered his parents asking the court for clemency because he is an orphan. For 18 months he ran amok with a carving knife and now he wants everyone to get out the Elastoplast. Equally, he deliberately undermined the democratic process by suggesting that the voting system was rigged yet now complains that demonstrations against his victory are undemocratic. 

Most of what Trump promised will never get done, either because he didn’t mean it or because he won’t be allowed to do it. There will be no Mexican Wall, and even if there will, which there won’t, Mexico won’t pay for it. He will try and deport illegal immigrants, but how is he going to find them? There will be no four million manufacturing jobs, nor could there be if he is also simultaneously intent on cutting taxes. But he will destroy Obamacare.  He will alienate China by labelling them “currency manipulators”. He will lower taxes – hell, he might even pay some tax himself. He will appoint some illiberal crackpot to the Supreme Court, and perhaps more than one, depending upon the natural wastage of the present incumbents. He will preside over the dismantling of the right to a safe, legal abortion.

The real issue is not what he will do, but what he has done. He made it acceptable to have open contempt for women.  He made it acceptable to denigrate women for getting old, for losing their looks, for having no looks to speak of, to grope them and to boast about it. He made it acceptable to mock soldiers, this from a man who dodged the draft and declared that his “personal Vietnam” was in avoiding venereal disease. He made it acceptable to avoid taxes. He made it acceptable to mock foreigners and the disabled. Inspired by his handmaiden Nigel Farage, he made it acceptable to sneer at expertise, knowledge and experience. 

WTF promised blog aficionados Yvonne Ridley and Pete Clarke that she would provide some comfort in this hour of darkness. Readers, you will have to look at the next section for that. In re the President-Elect, the best WTF can come up with is this. First, we need never again look at one of Clinton’s bloody awful pantsuits. And second, manufacturers of hair-dye and fake tan are about to have a walking, talking, Presidential advertisement for their wares.  Orange is The New Blockhead. God Save America.

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It is absolutely imperative that we cheer ourselves up, so here is a bumper bundle of balls-aching buffoonery, all of it utterly horrible and some of it downright offensive. We start in Glasgow at the MOBO Awards with singer Arrow Benjamin, wearing who knows what.

It can be nippy up in Scotland. Presumably this is why Arrow’s excessively floral suit, like a bad 70’s sofa, has a built-in thermal jacket. Or, given the excitability of some Glaswegians, is it a built-in flak jacket? Whatever it is, it is seriously WEIRD. As is the Amish hat.

Next up is model Kara del Toro at the premiere of Come and Find Me.

We do not need to come and find Kara’s bits as they are already signposted. Wrapping yourself in a couple of metres of gold chinz, fastened by a manky old belt, is not an outfit. And, if you are going to flash side-boobage, at least get busy with the St Tropez before venturing out of doors. Kara looks as if she has stuffed a dove into her décolletage. 

This is actress Elise Neal at the Soul Train Awards, wearing something extremely silly.

Like a cross between a giant duck with its head on backwards and a pair of melting polar ice caps. Erica will reappear later in the blog, which is a damning indictment of her stylist.

Here is WTF’s favourite Z Lister, Lizzie Cundy, wearing CC Couture by Claudia Croazzo.

More wrapped fabric. Is there an international zip and thread shortage? Why is she parading her panties?

To the MTV EMAs in Amsterdam where a variety of appallingly dressed people gathered to cause maximum retinal damage to horrified onlookers. First up we have Swedish internet person Kenza Zouiten.

She is wearing a crochet lampshade with a minge fringe. That is all.

This one is a laugh. Welcome back Cole Whittle from the band DNCE.

This is faintly Falstaffian about this ensemble until you get to the white snow boots. Cole should be directing those two fingers at whoever designed and put him into this nonsense. 

And here we have Chloe Ferry, ghastly “star” of Geordie Shore, wearing Oh Polly!

Never mind Oh Polly! This is more Oh Golly! And here is the now-obligatory arse…

That thong does look horrifically uncomfortable. Good. She is well punished for her crimes against fashion (not to mention for shagging on TV) and her face has more plastic than the Evian bottling plant.

The last trio of photographs is a positive Vulvarama. Those of a sensitive disposition may wish to step away from their laptop, tablet or smartphone and come back next week.  BECAUSE THIS IS VERY, VERY BAD. 

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

AND HERE IS ANOTHER WARNING TO GO WITH THE PREVIOUS WARNINGS!!!!

We begin with  Charlotte Dawson, “star” of  Sex On the Beach, also wearing CC Couture.

You would expect Charlotte to look tawdry and tacky and this is well down to standard. The “dress”, not that it is a dress, is hosiery with an inkblot pic including a dangling dick. And those sleeves!

Second is Elise Neal. To be featured twice in the same blog is indeed an accolade  – but not in a good way.

Elise! You are 50 years old! A lather of lilac lace and the minge garlands cannot disguise the fact that you have parted with your panties. 

And finally, Italian reality star Elettra Lamborghini (granddaughter of the car mogul) who stars in a version of Jersey Shore/Geordie Shore called Super Shore. 

To Elettra’s credit, she is one of the few in this fuckfest franchise NOT to have had sex on TV. To her discredit, she is flashing her all in what Lady Bracknell would term “a peculiarly unnecessary manner”. 

Just go away. All of you.