WTF Life On Mars Special

Hallo Readers,

A goes out with his mate B in the small Welsh town where he was born. A was a footballer playing for a big club, B a footballer playing for a minor club. Much alcohol is taken. B picks up a very drunk girl at a chip shop and takes her back to his hotel room, booked in his name but paid for by A. En route, he texts A that he “has got a bird”. B and the girl start having sex. A arrives at the hotel and cons his way to a key by claiming that B doesn’t need the room after all. He opens the door, whereupon B asks the girl “can my friend join in?” A then has sex with her, not speaking to her and with no idea of her name. He does not ask her if it is ok to have unprotected sex. B finishes his business and leaves. A stops half way through and leaves by the fire escape, walking two miles to his parents’ home despite a bad ankle, not a great idea for a professional footballer. The girl wakes up next morning with no recollection of anything, including how she got there. CCTV identifies A and B. They are charged with rape. B is acquitted. A is convicted, his career ruined. After serving two and a half years inside, he comes out and eventually wins a retrial. He is acquitted after two separate witnesses come forward and testify that they had each had sex with the girl days before A and B and she had been sexually voracious and shouted “fuck me harder”, the language she allegedly used with A and B. The fact that there was a £50,000 reward offered by A was of course nothing to do with it. Not even at all.

Ched Evans (A) is a piece of filth. For that matter so is B, Clayton Macdonald, but this piece is not about him. After reading the evidence of the retrial, and in between wanting to scrub herself clean with a Brillo pad, WTF found herself  wishing that there was a statutory offence of being a piece of filth, in which case Evans would still be inside. At best, he clearly took advantage of a drunken woman who probably had no idea who she was with and certainly had no idea that his pals were trying to film the scene through the window on their smartphone. Evans might as well have had sex with a blow up doll for the degree of engagement he had with her. Years ago, Erica Jong wrote a book called Fear of Flying featuring the “zipless fuck”. Evans acknowledged he had behaved badly, but this is not about failing to phone afterwards or saying thank you. This was using a drunken girl as a piece of meat. This, even if a jury did not think there was enough evidence of rape, was vile.

Not to Evans’ band of flatulent, rabid supporters however, busy on Facebook and Twitter even whilst the trial was going on. To them, Ched is the victim. The woman should be sued (not that she has any money). She should be named and shamed (although her name has been outed many times, forcing her to change it several times). She should go to prison. She is a slag, although having sex with a drunken woman whose name you do not even know and after your mate has done with her is just what lads do on a night out, isn’t it? The fact that she had sex with other men and, gasp, took the lead means that she must a slag, right?  And so, with the blessing of the Court of Appeal and the permission of the trial judge, British Justice slid back to the days of Life on Mars when women claiming to have been raped could be cross-examined on their sexual history and men and, (God help us) women felt free to condemn them as trollops for having slept with other men. And they still do.

So Readers, in the closing stages of 2016, it is apparently fine to take advantage of a drunken woman. Evans told the police that he could have any girl he wanted because “Footballers are rich and they have money. That is what girls like.” Just as Karena Virginia told us yesterday that Donald Trump approached her without knowing who she was, grabbed her breasts and asked Don’t you know who I am?”. Grown-up, decent people know exactly who both of them are. And they don’t like it one little bit.


We start our review of the week’s fashion foolishness with actress Jessica Biel, wearing Zeynep Arçay.

WTF has never understood why someone with two arms would wear something with only one sleeve, a trend she hates almost above all things.  Jessica is of course very lovely but thanks to Zeynep Arçay, she resembles a mouldy avocado. Note also the perils of borrowed shoes – these are at least two sizes too big and a veritable health hazard.

We encounter actor and comedian Simon Pegg at an airport somewhere.

Is the corridor to the departure gate under water? Has Simon joined the Masons? Why has he rolled up his trouser legs? What the actual fuck?

This is actress Genevieve Angelson at the premiere of her new TV series Good Girls Revolt, wearing Celine and horrible boots.

Last week, WTF compared Rita Ora’s Giuseppe Zanotti boots to “something worn by Robin Hood when calling to court Maid Marian”. And this week we have Genevieve dressed as the Disney version of Little John.

Genevieve clearly had to tack up her hem in the dark of Nottingham Forest because it is very lumpy. Meanwhile, what those boots have to do with anything at all, WTF  simply cannot say, but they are as ugly a pair of boots as she ever did see in her life.

These are Joe Jonas and Cole Whittle from DNCE at the collaboration launch between H&M and Kenzo in NYC, wearing samples of the collection.

What a pair of prats. Joe’s bomber and shirt combo are busier than than the Bakerloo line at rush hour but WTF’s main opprobrium is reserved for Cole, who seems to have turned up for the event dressed as a punk porno plumber.

Welcome back to our (sadly) regular feature Sheer Tedium, beginning with singer Beyoncé at Tidal X wearing Guillermo Gattinoti.

Bey is sporting tit and tutz triangles and not much else. There is more fabric in the climbing rope attached to the top of her head. The whole thing is very Egyptian handmaiden and she looks like an extra from Cleopatra.

Also at Tidal X was singer Nicki Minaj wearing Maison Margiela.

Mandatory arse-shot follows. 

Sorry. Venturing out in public wearing nothing but four strips of X-marks-the-spots tit tape and a thong under a lace body stocking is not empowerment. It is the opposite. And it is so bloody boring…..

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF who bemoans bastard builders blocking off London roads whilst erecting ugly edifices that businesses cannot afford and apartments to be snapped up by foreign investors and bankers spending their bonuses.  In order to get them up, they block off entire traffic lanes for their toilet cabins and their lorries and pass the day on the phone, hard hats at a jaunty angle. Not only does this reduce traffic to a crawl but you drive down a road that was fine yesterday only to find it now blocked off, something no-one bothers to tell you until you arrive at the top of it and have to reverse back down again. All this so developers can make a profit. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There were more comments last week, which somewhat allayed WTF’s anxiety, so keep them coming. Not to mention your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

This entry was posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Football, sexism, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to WTF Life On Mars Special

  1. Di Pond says:

    The Ched Evans piece is spot on. What me and the hubs cant understand is why his girlfriend has stood by him. First thought was because he was a footballer and wealthy but she comes from a very wealthy family herself. Odd

    • Lottie says:

      I read an interview with her this weekend where she said she was sick because he had been with another woman but knew he wasn’t a rapist because he doesn’t have it in him. She clearly equates rape with violence, not the absence of consent, which is not uncommon but still doesn’t explain how she could bear to have him anywhere near her after what he’s done. And does anyone think it’s the first time?

  2. Jan in HK says:

    Punk Porno Plumber : now there’s a nightmare concept

Leave a ReplyCancel reply