WTF Halloween Special

Hallo Readers,

It is Halloween tomorrow but for David Cameron all week has been a horror show. On Monday he was beset by ghoulies in ermine voting down his tax credits in the House of Lords. On Wednesday he was given a (polite) kicking by hobgoblin Jeremy Corbyn in Prime Minister’s Questions. On Thursday, 20 beastly Tory backbenchers backed a Labour motion in the Commons calling for a rethink on tax credits and he was also humiliated by the revelation that his pet charity, Kids Company, which went tits up in April this year, was awarded £46m of public money over 13 years, despite warnings from Civil Servants that such largesse was, to say the least, foolish. In 2012, the CEO, Camila Batmanghelidjh, a garish, perambulating sofa of a woman too ghastly even for Halloween, contacted Dave personally to overrule Sir Humphrey and lo! the blockage was gone. Dave – the political equivalent of Jeyes Fluid. Kids Company was paid another £3m of taxpayers money only weeks before it went bust, again in the face of firm advice from Sir Humphrey, but Ministers still ordered payment. When you stick to a celebrity charlatan like shit to a blanket, the subsequent disengagement after it all goes wrong is both painful and malodorous.

Mind you, the money poured into Batmanghelidjh’s lap is but a drop in the ocean compared to the little matter of a £4bn hole in the accounts after the Lords sent back the proposals to cut working tax credits. The week before, Dave and George swaggered around Westminster like Masters of the Universe, either oblivious or indifferent that 3m working families would be up to £3k a year worse off. And then a ragbag of unelected Labour and Liberal has-beens, never-weres and arse-lickers (and a Bishop!) put a massive spanner into the works. How Dave and George raged! Except of course that since 2010, Dave has packed the House of Lords tighter than a camel’s bottom in a sandstorm, creating 83 new Tory peers, 13 of whom contributed £23m to the Party coffers. Of course the House of Lords is undemocratic and unelected and full of toadies and sycophants of all parties. But sometimes you have to take help where you can find it and on this occasion, the Lords got it absolutely right.

If Cameron was really serious about reforming the Lords, he would have done something about it, rather than appointing peers by the bucketful (and now threatening to shove in 100 more to even up the numbers).  His majority in the Commons was gained by deceiving the very people whose incomes he now seeks to decimate. He promised not to cut their credits and weeks later his Chancellor proposed to do just that. In the circumstances, his bleating about the democratic process cuts as much ice as the man who murders his parents and then seeks mercy on the grounds he is an orphan. Still, perhaps he and George can buy a couple of cheap Halloween costumes and go door to door trick or treating for the money. With the emphasis on trick….

ps – Credit where credit is due to Heidi Allen MP, whom WTF lambasted last week for making her maiden speech criticising the cuts and then voting in favour of them only hours later. This week, she was one of the 20 who supported the Labour motion. Well done that woman….

Looking at the week’s clothing catastrophes, you would be forgiven for thinking that everyone was in Halloween costumes. We start at the MTV EMAs (European Music Awards) in Rome where an array of horror was on view. First up is model Amanda Cerny wearing WTF bugbear Michael Costello.

The thing about a Michael Costello creation is that something is always hanging out, in this case Amanda’s boobs.  At least they have the merit of being her own but that does not mean they have to be quite so visible. This is not so much a Tit Window as a Tit French Window. Pull the curtains – please.

The MC was Orange Is The New Black actress, model and everyone’s girl crush Ruby Rose, wearing Fausto Puglisi.

Ruby is beautiful  but this outfit is seemingly inspired by the one worn by Richard Burton as Mark Anthony in the dreadful 1960’s movie, Cleopatra. Only he wasn’t more tattooed than a South Shields stevedore.

Also there was little Justin Bieber looking, as ever, like a knob.

Not very dressed up, is he? Look closely and you will see that little Justin is dressed in leggings UNDER MATCHING SHORTS, a floppy teeshirt and $5 hoodie. WTF is beginning worry about Justin’s nether regions as they are permanently swathed in more fabric than Peter Jones’ soft furnishings department. What is going on?

Oh no, she is now travelling abroad! I refer to Scottish teenage singer Tallia Storm wearing House of CB.

Tallia is wearing an outfit made from the metal shutters pulled down in shopfronts at close of business. As for her hair, she has stolen it from a troll.

And there were the Nervo twins Olivia (l) and Miriam (r), aka Australian popular singing troupe NERVO.

WTF got into a lather over these two who sought to make a splash in a pair of shower curtains worn with knee length boots. Memo to Miriam –  it is hard to strike that two-finger attitude when you are wearing your bathroom fittings.

Leaving the EMAs, we travel to the Vogue dinner in China to greet another Australian, singer Iggy Azalea, wearing Armani Privé.

Who knew that Giorgio Armani was a fan of The Muppets’ Sam the Eagle? 

Sam must be getting along a bit now because he has gone awfully bald.

This next one is officially a pity. Here is stunning Oscar-winning actress Charlize Theron in at an event in Hong Kong, wearing Tom Ford.

It is one thing to win an Oscar. It is quite another thing to dress as one. The whole thing is frankly unnerving, like being in the front row of an anatomy lecture.  And how the hell did she get it on and off?

Finally we have WTF regular Rita Ora on Sunday’s X Factor, wearing Emmanuel Ungaro.

WTF could just about have lived with the skirt and shirt combo but those boots are another thing altogether, like the decorated tent poles in a wedding marquee. They may well be the ugliest boots ever in the history of ever, even given the shockers appearing in this blog.


This week’s It’s Got To Go comes (again) courtesy of WTF stalwart Leslie from Lisson Grove, who (rightly, in WTF’s view) strongly objects to the nonsense surrounding Halloween.  It all started when he tried to buy some Diet Tango (Leslie! Think of those e-numbers!) and noticed that it was now relabelled “Spooky Diet Tango”. Leslie then discovered that his  favourite treats (Jaffa Cakes and Viennese Whirls)  had been renamed “Spooky Cake Bars” and “Toffee Terror Whirls”. It is hard enough to stop youngsters (and also, it seems, those of more mature years) from stuffing their face with this rubbish without marketing it as part of  yet another over-commercialised fake festival. As for Leslie, WTF is staging a Jeremy Kyle-type intervention on his eating habits. The bloke with the limo and the kindly expression is coming to take you to sugar rehab….. 

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Lots of top comments last week had WTF skipping about like a spring lambkin so keep them coming and send in your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

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9 Responses to WTF Halloween Special

  1. There is little that can top Rita Ora! At first glance last Sunday I thought she had some dreaded skin disease, or that butterflies had found a new nesting place, those boots….. why!!!!

  2. Sally says:

    Charlize Theron has come dressed as CP3O from Star Wars, or at least, as his girlfriend.

  3. Lord Dodo
    Rebecca Jay says:

    Come, come WTF – surely you of all people must have read the reports of Justin’s father’s comments about his enormous appendage?! He is simply protecting his assets from unwelcome scrutiny by covering them up with many layers of fabric to deceive and distract the eye.

  4. Truffle says:

    I don’t think he has an appendage, that’s why there is so much room in his trousers,

  5. Lord Dodo
    Lord Dodo says:

    From the sublime Dame Maggie Smith to the ridiculous Justin Bieber on The Graham Norton show. Me hanging onto Dame Maggie’s every word and Justin hanging onto his non existent nuts…

  6. Umm… It’s an MTV awards show. One of the requirements is to wear clothing that pushes fashionshark’s buttons. If it is not stated in the contract it is certainly mentioned in an addendum. Low hanging fruit.
    Justin Bieber… Okay, I’m old enough to have seen several generations of cute little boys whose careers have been designed solely to appeal to little girls. Yes, this puts the music industry’s cynicism and avarice on display in a way that little else does. In this context, he’s not that awful.
    Yes, his behavior indicates that he could use more help in the maturity department than a father whose influence seems to be limited to directing our attention to the size of his dingley-dangly is able to provide.
    But let’s face it, if I had that combination of money, no supervision, and no education when I was his age I’d be a world class jackass too. Cut him a little slack.
    Getting back to the fashion, I thought Ms Theron’s dress made her look a lot like the robot in “Metropolis” (1927).

  7. Lottie says:

    The thing that annoys me most about these wannabe pop singers such as Justin Beiber and those Get-On-Your-Nervo girls is that they all seem to think that they are the first people ever to try to obscure lack of talent by being ‘outrageous’ and ‘edgy’. Yawn. There have been pop singers with crap dress sense and no singing ability since at least the 60s. The only difference is that these days they get more media coverage. Sorry, kiddies, we’ve seen it all before. Now go get dressed properly and get a job that suits whatever skills you actually do have.

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