“When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.” “The question is,’ said Alice, ‘whether you can make words mean so many different things.” “The question is,’ said Humpty Dumpty, ‘which is to be master — that’s all.” And Readers, what holds good for Humpty Dumpty holds good for the Chairman of the Tory Party, Grant Shapps. For years there were allegations against him that after his election in 2005, he had continued his second job as an author of Get Rich Quick books under the nom de plume Michael Green. WTF is not bothered here about matters of Parliamentary Protocol – for her, the issue is that Shapps consistently denied the allegations. In a radio interview only last month, he stated “I don’t have a second job and have never held a second job whilst being an MP, end of story”. But he did not mean he had never held a second job whilst being an MP. Of course not. What he meant was that he had held a second job whilst being an MP. Similarly, he had not lied about having a second job whilst being an MP. He had simply “over-firmly denied” it. Even better was the euphemism used by a Tory lickspittle wheeled out to defend Shapps. He had not lied, explained said lickspittle. He had just been “over-enthusiastic in his denials”. The denials are the problem but David Cameron has publicly supported him and so apparently it is fine for his Party Chairman to mislead everyone and apologise only when The Guardian had him bang to rights.
Well you know what, Readers? It isn’t fine. It isn’t even vaguely approximate to fine. It is seriously bloody un-fine because Shapps repeatedly denied something that was true. He may claim that he “screwed-up” the dates but why didn’t he check them? And you know what else, Readers? It is not fine to threaten one of your constituents, an ordinary man working as a chauffeur, with libel proceedings for stating that you worked as Michael Green after being an MP and to put him in fear of losing his home and every penny he has. It is not fine to instruct Messers Sue, Grabbit and Runne LLP at £400 an hour to write bullying letters demanding apologies and compensation and costs and all sorts. It is not fine to force your constituent to publish a retraction on Facebook to save his family from living in a cardboard box. In what skewed and perverted universe is it ever fine for a senior politician to bully a constituent into retracting something that is true? Shapps and Cameron should be ashamed but these days politicians don’t do shame, they just do squirm and spin and hold us all in contempt. And then they wonder why we are disaffected with politicians.
Let us switch from political outrage to sartorial outrage, starting with former Girls Aloud member Nicola Roberts who fancies herself as a fashionista. Here she is wearing vintage Norma Kamali at the Alexander McQueen Savage Beauty Victoria & Albert Museum VIP party .
This a sparkly housecoat. A hideous sparkly housecoat. And it is giving WTF a headache.
Another VIP guest was actress Emilia Fox wearing Bambah.
Oh dear. This is an anti-macassar with built-in fanny frill and it is very, very bad.
The next one is just plain weird. Meet style writer Harriet Verney attending the Alexander McQueen Savage Beauty Gala Dinner (that one was posher than the VIP event). Her escort here is milliner Philip Treacy.
The first Top Gear Stig was clad all in black before he was outed (name-wise) and replaced by one clad all in white.
Had the first Stig gone bank robbing before popping out for cocktails with his toenails painted, he would have chosen Harriet’s outfit.
Now to the launch of Kode magazine where we come across actress Victoria Justice wearing Gemy Maalouf.
Yikes! Victoria is very pretty but she looks as if she has been tattooed from tit to toe. Luckily she is wearing opaque panties but those groin garlands are deeply disturbing.
To the German launch of People magazine and actress Diane Kruger wearing Alexander McQueen.
And to compensate for this superabundance, there is not much back.
Floral tits. Heaving bosoms. A skirt with more flounces than a performance of La Cage aux Folles. Potential arse cleavage. Over-busy sandals. And hair like an Afghan hound. The word excessive has insufficient nuance.
She’s back! I refer to WTF regular, singer and wannabe actress Rita Ora wearing Jean Paul Gaultier.
Jean Paul has gone big on this half-a-jacket nonsense and Readers will recall Rose McGowan wearing one such only a few weeks ago. This is equally as silly with the added disadvantage of substantial boobage squished into a sparkling bra. Rita looks as if she has been mugged on the way to the strip club. Ghastly and then some.
The amFAR Gala in Hong Kong was organised by New York designer Kenneth Cole. Here he is, presumably wearing a suit of his own design.
WTF has previously had reason to criticise Kenneth’s trousers and their resemblance to a concertina but these particular trousers are the more like a pair of twisted liquorice sticks.
Indeed, she would go further and describe those trousers as totally and utterly shocking and the shiny shoes against the narrow ankles make him look clown-like. The ill-fitting jacket with its expanse of shirtfront and showcasing crumpled waistband is also to be deplored. This man is not an advertisement for his own wares.
Emcee at the Gala was Hong Kong DJ, actor and Cantopop lyricist Wyman Wong seen here with actress Hilary Tsui (who looks pretty although very curtainy).
More terrible trousers! What is going on in Hong Kong? Is it Terrible Trousers Week? As for the green silk bolero jacket and matching waistcoat, the effect is of a portly gypsy violinist. WTF can only conclude that the whole outfit shrank in the wash.
This week’s It’s Got To Go comes courtesy of WTF aficionado Trisha Shannon who is outraged at the “eat before/best by” con trick practiced on the public. Trisha says “What happened to our ability to sniff the milk to see if it’s okay? Who doesn’t know that you can scrape that bit of mould off the cheese or the jam and the rest of it is perfectly fine? And who decided that this carrot or that apple are going to expire the day after tomorrow?”. Trisha ignored the “best by” date on a packet of dried yeast, knocked up some delicious bread and is still alive and well to tell the tale. Obviously you need to take care with meat, poultry and fish but our profligate waste of food is an outrage. It’s Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There were some top comments last week as well as Trisha’s excellent suggestion for It’s Got To Go. Keep them coming and let us meet again next Friday. Be good x