Hallo Readers,

The Daily Mail dislikes anything or anyone that does not fall within its definition of Traditional British Values which is pretty much everything or everyone apart from St. Margaret of Thatcher, Jeremy Clarkson and Nigel Farage. Recently, it has fastened its fangs into working mothers and this week’s target was Justine Thornton who happens to be married to Ed Miliband. Ed and Justine were pictured sipping mugs of tea in the spartan kitchen of their North London house (for North London, read “home of dangerous lefties who want to destroy the Nation as we know it”). If indeed it is their main kitchen, which seems now to be in doubt, in which case they were daft to pretend it was. Accompanying the pictures was some of the most spiteful, ill-written shite that WTF has ever read, even in the Mail, penned by piss-poor columnist Sarah Vine the wife of Michael Gove. Michael was Secretary of State for Education until Call Me Dave booted him into the back room role of Chief Whip to spare the public further exposure to the little creep. Oh – and Michael furnished his homely house in North Kensington with £7,000 worth of public-paid-for-homeliness including some rather nice kitchen equipment, which he then had to repay. 

According to Vile,  “No home-making for Justine: she’s far too busy sticking to her feminist principles as an environmental lawyer. And that doesn’t include nice crockery or other homely touches. .. It’s not that (feminists) don’t know how to make their house look nice or cook a delicious family meal or organise their cupboards…It’s that they don’t want to. On principle.” As it is unlikely that the Goves have dined chez Ed and Justine, WTF is unsure how Vile gets to pronounce upon the quality of the comestibles on offer in Kentish Town. More offensive, particularly just after International Women’s Day, is the idea that a feminist working mother deprives her kids of proper food and houses them in conditions even Pol Pot would baulk at. On principle. Most offensive is the idea that Vile, a woman who has described herself as a feminist, would allow herself to be wheeled out to knife another political spouse in the name of party propaganda.

WTF suspects that most people don’t give a toss about Ed and Justine’s kitchen or their diet, any more than they care about Dave’s and Sam’s or Nick’s and Miriam’s or Nigel’s and Kirsten’s. Vote Ed into Downing Street and he can have a nice décor courtesy of the taxpayer and a bevy of staff to knock up roast beef and apple pie on demand. It is time that we stopped asking intelligent, talented women to act as their husband’s arm candy and let them get on with their own careers. Hands up anyone who has seen a picture of Angela Merkel’s husband – or even knows what his name is?

Changing topics, we turn to Paris Fashion Week which seemed to go for an age, its Front Rows full of silly stars wearing borrowed clobber. We start with newly-shorn and newly-blond actor Jared Leto wearing Balmain.

Meet Andy Warhol about to board a yacht, having first yomped across the North Pole to get to the quayside. Ahoy there! Ludicrous, and that is being kind.

Next we meet former model and current billionaire’s wife Elena Perminova wearing Giambattista Valli.

On any view, this is a deeply preposterous ensemble, What Maisie Knew meets South American guerrilla girl. And the boots are nearly as hideous as the tights.

No Fashion Week anywhere would be complete without fashionista Anna dello Russo, seen here wearing Moncler Gamme Rouge.

Anna astonished WTF all week by looking good until she fell almost at the last hurdle, flashing her panties like a naughty vestal virgin going cherry picking.

And then there was Katy Perry at the Moschino party wearing, er, Moschino.

For some reason Katy has based her hairstyle on Catherine of Braganza, the unfortunate wife of Charles 11.

That is incomprehensible enough but Katy has also gone big on the teddy bear theme. She might consider taking her next holiday in South Korea where teddy bear mania is rife and they have three teddy bear museums. But she would be well advised to leave this jacket at home or she might find herself stuffed into a display case with people taking pictures of her.

Then there was actress and DJ Mia Moretti wearing Fausto Puglisi.

Umm….What is the point of a plunging décolletage without any visible tit? It is like giving a Porsche to someone who cannot drive. Meanwhile, Mia has seriously overdone the blusher and those sunglasses are just barking mad.

Next up is Swedish actress Noomi Rapace wearing Givenchy. As will appear below, Givenchy had a really crap week.

Is Noomi standing in front of one of those distorting mirrors found in funfairs?  Huge head, long body, little legs, tiny feet. Possibly as a result of looking in the mirror, she has become enraged at her appearance and seems to have hit herself repeatedly in the face, hence the black eyes and woeful expression.  The fabric is very Cath Kidston duvet cover and the only thing to be saved from this sorry mess is the brooch.

It is always nice to encounter excellent Belgian singer Stromae but not wearing this Valentino thing.

The coat is pretty. WTF would rather fancy herself in that coat. But were WTF to spend £5K on a coat, she would not team it with what look suspiciously like bottle green capri leggings and some very lairy-looking socks. The whole effect is that of a leprechaun going to a wedding.

Readers, I am NOT having an argument with you about this because one cannot sensibly review PFW 2015 without mentioning Kim Kardashian. This week she was on every Front Row, as ubiquitous as lefties in Kentish Town. If you really object, log off and come back next week or go straight to “It’s Got To Go”. The rest of you, have a receptacle handy because what follows is dire. 

Here is our subject wearing Givenchy.

Kim redefines the word “pointless” and her attempts to squeeze herself into too-small couture have become ever more ridiculous.  The words “fashion victim” have insufficient nuance. As WTF aficionado Debbie wisely observed, this outfit makes her look  as if she’s been captured in a lobster pot and the results could not be less flattering. And here she is again in yet another nonsensical Givenchy outfit, this time “adapted” from his menswear collection.

WTF has come to the conclusion that Kim was pictured all week with a coat or jacket  over her shoulders because her outfits were too small and had to be held together with giant safety pins at the back. With her fake tits and faker arse, she simply could not have fitted into the clothes as designed. The knitted librarian’s waistcoat over the pinstriped shirt and jacket combo are nearly as disturbing as the pee-pee porthole between the jacket, the woolly and the horrid peep-toe boots. But bad as the clothes were (and they were BAD), the real shocker was her bleached hair and her excessive facial contouring that left her resembling one of White Walkers from Game of Thrones.

In this week’s It’s Got To Go, WTF of  North London wishes to complain about the absurd hair sported by Manchester United Manager Louis Van Gaal.

WTF dislikes Van Gaal, whose dissing of lifelong United Fan Danny Welbeck after he sold him to Arsenal was repaid with knobs on last Monday when Welbeck scored the winner at Old Trafford to knock his old team out of the FA Cup. But she really dislikes his over-tousled and titillated hairstyle as if a terrier had landed randomly upon his head from on high. It’s Got To Go.

 OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep your excellent comments coming in, as WTF enjoys reading them and loves it when you then respond to each other. Suggestions are also welcomed for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x