WTF Farewell 2014 Special

Hallo Readers,

2014 has been in the main a depressing year, full of horrors, disappointments and inadequacies and 2015 probably won’t be any better. Apart from anything else, there is an General Election due and there is no choice to speak of; a weak Prime Minister devoid of ideas; an Opposition Leader devoid of charisma, overladen with adenoids and, it appears, the ability to remember what he ought to be talking about; the minor Coalition Leader as much use as a chocolate teapot; and the rise of matey, xenophobic, racist, ugly little Englanderism that is UKIP, the only party on the up whilst the others watch their vote melting away faster than the Polar icecap. Come May, a LibDem MP will be rarer than rocking horse shit and the Scottish Labour Party might also realise that their assumption that people will vote for them is as arrogant as it is misguided. Be prepared – it is going to be ugly.

The problem is that those voting UKIP are about the only ones who actually know what they are voting for. No more Eurocrats. No more immigration. No more Human Rights Act. No more impertinent foreign judges imposing laws on us, asking us to treat people properly and let them practice their religion and not be humiliated because they are fat and need help to work properly. Hell no. What the rest of us will be voting for remains to be seen. It doesn’t help that this has been another year of MPs showcasing their callousness, venality, idiocy and snobbery without a scintilla of shame between them, from Maria Miller’s arrogant outrage at Parliament presuming to ask her why she claimed that the house she lived in with her husband, children and parents was not her principal residence and her perfunctory, grudging apology, to Brooks Newmark, the Minister for Civil Society tweeting pictures of the member of the Member for Braintree to a woman he had never seen, to Boris Johnson blithely breaking his Mayoral electoral promise that he would not stand for Parliament until his term ended in 2016 to Emily Thornberry, a Labour MP (WTF’s MP) showing contempt for the very people she is supposed to be fighting for and then (worse) trying to blag her way out of it. And that is before we get to the cover-ups, the paedophile enquiry that is still waiting for its Chair 6 months after it was set up and the Chilcot Enquiry into the Iraq war that is yet to see the light of day 3 years after hearing the evidence. You’ll grow old waiting for that one…..

So WTF is not impressed by 2014 and has fairly low expectations of 2015. But when it all seems to be going tits up and wars are waged and people die senselessly across the globe and shits prosper (yes, you Tony Blair), you can always cheer yourself up with some extremely silly people wearing some extremely silly clothes. See you next year guys…

Let us start our survey of the week’s sartorial shockingness with one of year’s stars, singer Kiesza wearing very, very bizarre trousers.

What the hell?? WTF could live with the jacket and the jeans and would probably have been able to overcome the sports bra but those things around her ankles look like the tents they put up around the stiffs when the forensic scientist pops over to give a provisional time of the death and makes eyes at the handsome Dectective Inspector……

Then we have actor Jack Black wearing a daft teeshirt by The Mountain.

Oh dear Lord. This is less Lion King and more pillock. And what a bad-tempered animal (not Jack)! You wouldn’t want to film Born Free with that lion, it would chomp its way through Virginia McKenna and that bearded bloke before you could say Matt Munro (click the link, younger Readers).

Next we have country singer Miranda Lambert wearing Alon Livné.

Miranda’s good ole country girl image meshes poorly with this dress and its titsy bodice which looks as if a cageful of malevolent snakes has gone for a walk on her chest. And look how very uncomfortable she looks. The poor love is absolutely mortified and with good reason…..

Back again we have actor Ansel Elgort known for Divergent, The Fault is In Our Stars and Insurgent, looking like an overgrown boy scout.

Dib, dib, dib. What the hell is he wearing? He looks like a dweeb, especially that ridiculous hat and the uber-shiny boots. He also bears an uncanny resemblance to a young Ricky Butcher in EastEnders. This is not a compliment.

Singer Charli XCX is back again only 7 days after her debut in this blog, wearing not much. And what there is is putrid.

Charli is dressed as a rampant rabbit with peekaboo bobtails. Though if you are a rabbit, wearing rabbit arse on your shoes is a bit Hannibal Lector isn’t it? Like wearing a human head on your handbag….

We now have Lenny Kravitz wearing St Laurent and French shocker, singer Shy’m wearing who the hell knows what? 

This is a gruesome twosome if ever there was one. Shy’m is dressed as Adolf Hitler in drag as a dead geisha girl. Black lipstick is never a good idea unless you are going for the necrophiliac market. As for Lenny, his studded suede jacket is pretty cool but the string vest with its attached silver loo chains, red leather trousers and leopardskin booties are the pits.

And it’s three strikes and OUT for Rita Ora wearing Ulyana Sergeenko.

That’s it. Rita has followed Kim Kardashian out of the blog into @WTF_EEK only (what do you mean, you don’t do Twitter? This is nearly 2015 for Heaven’s sake.) The criminal equivalent of dressing like this gets you into Sing-Sing on a one-way ticket. Ulyana’s clothes are usually ludicrous and this is unusually ludicrous, combining tart and vicar in one outfit to reflect the economic hardship of the times, made worse, were such a thing even possible, by the addition of shiny sausage-skin tights.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes at the suggestion of WTF aficionado David Bowden who takes great exception, and rightly so, at the utterly preposterous male fashion trend of shrunken, silly little arse-freezing jackets – what WTF has described as the Norman Wisdom look.

David, clearly a man of great taste, points out that the wearers must be putting the jackets into the washing machine at 60 degrees and ignoring the “Dry Clean Only” label. He comments that “they look silly – such a waste”. Well said sir……

OK Readers, that’s your lot for 2014. Happy Christmas, Chanukah, Winterval, whatever. WTF is off to sunny climes for her holidays and frankly she can’t wait. On 2 January 2015, you will be feasting on the WTF Christmas Turkey when you will have a fortnight to vote early and vote often for the worst fashion horrors of the last 6 months. WTF, bronzed and benevolent (well, you never know….) will  be back in business on Friday 16 January to pitch in right at the start of the major awards season and more bad clothes than you can shake a stick at. Be good xx

This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to WTF Farewell 2014 Special

  1. bridget says:

    Kieza’s trouser pant things that are hanging round her ankles are probably one of the ugliest most pointless things I have seen on these pages, and that is saying something. However Charli’s outfit actually made me laugh out loud. I nearly spilt cereal on my keyboards. Thinking of those ill placed pompoms will cheer me up for the rest of the day.
    I would also like to say thank you to WTF for cheering us all up in what has been a pretty bleak year.

  2. Joshua LaPorte
    Joshua LaPorte says:

    Yes! On the jackets. What gives?

    Fabulous year, Ms. WTF. Will miss you while you are away bronzing on the beach but hope you have a lovely time.

  3. Do rocking horses shit wooden stools?
    And would you stand on one or step in one?
    Your UKIP sounds very much like America’s Tea Party. My condolences.
    Merry Christmas to all.

Leave a ReplyCancel reply