Many years ago WTF’s parents were on holiday in Paris. Walking through the Bois de Boulogne, they passed a bench with a tramp snoozing on it, whereupon a gendarme appeared, unceremoniously shooed him away, turned to them and said apologetically “Toutes mes excuses, Madame, Monsieur, ce type là n’est pas de notre categorie”. The phrase came to mind this week when two MPs, one Labour and one Tory, came to grief. On bye-election day with UKIP poised to win the seat of Rochester & Strood, Shadow Attorney-General Emily Thornberry, the wife of a High Court Judge, tweeted a photo of an ordinary house bedecked with England flags and a white van parked in the drive. The tweet simply said “Image from Rochester” but the meaning was clear. It meant “UKIP-voting chav”. WTF might have had some respect for Emily had she come clean and admitted it but she tried to blag her way out, embarrassing herself by claiming the photo was because she’d “never seen so many flags on one house”. Within hours, she had taken Ed Milliband’s proffered revolver, shot herself in both feet and slunk back to her £3m Islington townhouse, career flushed down the toilet. You cannot claim to represent the working man (in this case, 18-stone, Tory-voting, car-dealing cage-fighter Dan Ware) whilst sneering at him in public, particularly when you have a property portfolio worth £5m. It is not just patronising, it is stupid. Thornberry was luckily out the next day when Ware came to call, accompanied by The Sun, staging a photocall on her doorstep and waving his flag.
Andrew Mitchell’s career went down the toilet 2 years ago. Attempts since then to retrieve it from the bowl have proved unsuccessful and it finally disappeared round the bend yesterday when a High Court Judge (not Thornberry’s husband) ruled that he had indeed called PC Toby Rowland “a fucking pleb” and said “know your fucking place…you don’t run the fucking Government”. And why? Because the roly-poly copper had refused to let Mitchell and his bike through a Downing Street gate. Some might think that Mr Justice Mittings’s conclusion that PC Rowland had neither the wit nor the imagination as well as the inclination to invent the use of the word “pleb” was more patronising than anything Mitchell said but when you wear a wig you can get away with all sorts. It is never a good idea to swear at coppers because the police tend to take it badly and exact revenge. And it is always a bad idea to take libel proceedings because it is like taking a bucket, drilling a hole in the bottom and pouring your life savings into it. Mitchell has been left with a £2m+ bill which is lot of money to pay for egg on your face and your career in ruins.
When trade union boss Bob Crow died suddenly, WTF wrote that “he didn’t want to keep quiet and know his place because he didn’t believe anyone had the right to tell him or his members what their place was”. The time when the Great British prole doffed their cap to their betters has long gone. You might get away with rudeness but you will not get away with snobbery, especially if you are meant to be a representative of the very people you’re being snobbish about. Meanwhile, WTF would pay good money to see a tag-team cage fight between Thornberry and Mitchell against Rowland and Ware. They can donate the ticket money to Band Aid 30.
We turn to the week’s sartorial slurry pit and it is really, really BAD. We seem to have reached the stage where people are going about in public virtually naked. However, we begin with actress and children’s author, Evangeline Lilly who, although she looks terrible, is at least covered up.
Evangeline has been out on a picnic and then wrapped the tablecloth around her like a crinoline to save her carrying it home. She probably has the picnic basket under there as well. Disapprobation must also be expressed at her swirly chest and her unspeakable boots.
The Latin Grammy Awards were a nightmare, a taste-free zone for men and women. Here is singer J Balvin wearing a lot of red. (But he can sing – click the link).
No one over 12 should wear those trainer thingies which are also making his trousers bunch around the tops and why would a man want to look like a vinyl paint splat?
We now meet singer Violeta Martin.
Quite apart from the amount of tittage on display, the dress is unflattering and whilst the colour is gorgeous, the scaly fabric makes her look like a disembowelled tropical fish – she even has the air bubbles on the skirt. Is that a dog collar around her neck? Next!
Well perhaps not, because next is singer Laura Aleman.
This is a wretched combination of cheap lace and cheaper ribbon leaving aghast onlookers in fear of an imminent Minge Moment and what has happened to the top part of the dress? It seems to have been ripped off in a fight.
Finally from this group we have actress Roselyn Sánchez wearing Ecliptica. Ecliptica design wedding dresses, apparently. For whom? Nudists?
This isn’t a dress, this is an upside-down, embroidered, Christmas hold-up support stocking. Her nipples are covered but her panties and everything else are all too visible. Shocking.
The American Music Awards usually bring rich pickings and this year was no exception. We start with handsome young actor Ansel Elgort wearing Kent & Curwen with Prada shoes.
Ansel is wearing the jacket he wore as a pubescent busboy at the golf club and he seems to have shat his trousers which are also a tad snug. Memo to Ansel. It is time for a new wardrobe – and an iron. The shoes can stay.
And here is model, Heidi Klum wearing Versace. What she has to do with the price of fish, WTF cannot say.
Versace has put Heidi in a swim suit and sarong and then gift wrapped her in shimmering pink ribbon. But do we want her? The shoes are also ghastly and do not fit. Look! Her toes are hanging out…..
But the AMAs booby prize, in every sense of the word, goes to Albanian-born TV personality and singer Bleona Gereti wearing Shahla Doriz. Shahla also designs wedding dresses. For whom? Fetishists?
And the rear (and rear is the word) is even worse….
Bleona, aka the Madonna of Albania, has a new single out called Fuck You, I’m Famous. Her poor parents are so mortified by this apparel that they are barricaded inside their home refusing to come out and with good reason. “How’s your daughter Mrs Qereti?” “Oh she’s fine, she went to the AMAs with her arse out”. Memo to Shahla and Bleona. Wearing a sparkling fishing net over a white thong is not clothes.
Bleona was bad and so was actress Bai Ling attending the premiere of The Key.
Bai Ling seems to have taken the key theme rather literally around her chest and she has a rose growing out of her labia, giving a whole new meaning to Juliet’s phrase “That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet”. And the shoes are hideous. No, I’m sorry, I am going to have to go and lie down.
You know what, these are all so bad that we need a poll.
Even this week’s It’s Got To Go is appalling. Here is a range of baby clothes by Café Press, a company based in Louisville Kentucky. You can find it on the net.
These are as foul and revolting as anything WTF has ever seen. It is unnecessary to add anything save to observe that any parent who even thought about purchasing these items should instantly be made subject to an intervention by Social Services.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those top comments coming in and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and let us meet again next Friday. Be good x