Many years ago WTF’s parents were on holiday in Paris. Walking through the Bois de Boulogne, they passed a bench with a tramp snoozing on it, whereupon a gendarme appeared, unceremoniously shooed him away, turned to them and said apologetically “Toutes mes excuses, Madame, Monsieur, ce type là n’est pas de notre categorie”. The phrase came to mind this week when two MPs, one Labour and one Tory, came to grief. On bye-election day with UKIP poised to win the seat of Rochester & Strood, Shadow Attorney-General Emily Thornberry, the wife of a High Court Judge, tweeted a photo of an ordinary house bedecked with England flags and a white van parked in the drive. The tweet simply said “Image from Rochester” but the meaning was clear. It meant “UKIP-voting chav”. WTF might have had some respect for Emily had she come clean and admitted it but she tried to blag her way out, embarrassing herself by claiming the photo was because she’d “never seen so many flags on one house”. Within hours, she had taken Ed Milliband’s proffered revolver, shot herself in both feet and slunk back to her £3m Islington townhouse, career flushed down the toilet. You cannot claim to represent the working man (in this case, 18-stone, Tory-voting, car-dealing cage-fighter Dan Ware) whilst sneering at him in public, particularly when you have a property portfolio worth £5m. It is not just patronising, it is stupid. Thornberry was luckily out the next day when Ware came to call, accompanied by The Sun, staging a photocall on her doorstep and waving his flag.
Andrew Mitchell’s career went down the toilet 2 years ago. Attempts since then to retrieve it from the bowl have proved unsuccessful and it finally disappeared round the bend yesterday when a High Court Judge (not Thornberry’s husband) ruled that he had indeed called PC Toby Rowland “a fucking pleb” and said “know your fucking place…you don’t run the fucking Government”. And why? Because the roly-poly copper had refused to let Mitchell and his bike through a Downing Street gate. Some might think that Mr Justice Mittings’s conclusion that PC Rowland had neither the wit nor the imagination as well as the inclination to invent the use of the word “pleb” was more patronising than anything Mitchell said but when you wear a wig you can get away with all sorts. It is never a good idea to swear at coppers because the police tend to take it badly and exact revenge. And it is always a bad idea to take libel proceedings because it is like taking a bucket, drilling a hole in the bottom and pouring your life savings into it. Mitchell has been left with a £2m+ bill which is lot of money to pay for egg on your face and your career in ruins.
When trade union boss Bob Crow died suddenly, WTF wrote that “he didn’t want to keep quiet and know his place because he didn’t believe anyone had the right to tell him or his members what their place was”. The time when the Great British prole doffed their cap to their betters has long gone. You might get away with rudeness but you will not get away with snobbery, especially if you are meant to be a representative of the very people you’re being snobbish about. Meanwhile, WTF would pay good money to see a tag-team cage fight between Thornberry and Mitchell against Rowland and Ware. They can donate the ticket money to Band Aid 30.
We turn to the week’s sartorial slurry pit and it is really, really BAD. We seem to have reached the stage where people are going about in public virtually naked. However, we begin with actress and children’s author, Evangeline Lilly who, although she looks terrible, is at least covered up.
Evangeline has been out on a picnic and then wrapped the tablecloth around her like a crinoline to save her carrying it home. She probably has the picnic basket under there as well. Disapprobation must also be expressed at her swirly chest and her unspeakable boots.
The Latin Grammy Awards were a nightmare, a taste-free zone for men and women. Here is singer J Balvin wearing a lot of red. (But he can sing – click the link).
No one over 12 should wear those trainer thingies which are also making his trousers bunch around the tops and why would a man want to look like a vinyl paint splat?
We now meet singer Violeta Martin.
Quite apart from the amount of tittage on display, the dress is unflattering and whilst the colour is gorgeous, the scaly fabric makes her look like a disembowelled tropical fish – she even has the air bubbles on the skirt. Is that a dog collar around her neck? Next!
Well perhaps not, because next is singer Laura Aleman.
This is a wretched combination of cheap lace and cheaper ribbon leaving aghast onlookers in fear of an imminent Minge Moment and what has happened to the top part of the dress? It seems to have been ripped off in a fight.
Finally from this group we have actress Roselyn Sánchez wearing Ecliptica. Ecliptica design wedding dresses, apparently. For whom? Nudists?
This isn’t a dress, this is an upside-down, embroidered, Christmas hold-up support stocking. Her nipples are covered but her panties and everything else are all too visible. Shocking.
The American Music Awards usually bring rich pickings and this year was no exception. We start with handsome young actor Ansel Elgort wearing Kent & Curwen with Prada shoes.
Ansel is wearing the jacket he wore as a pubescent busboy at the golf club and he seems to have shat his trousers which are also a tad snug. Memo to Ansel. It is time for a new wardrobe – and an iron. The shoes can stay.
And here is model, Heidi Klum wearing Versace. What she has to do with the price of fish, WTF cannot say.
Versace has put Heidi in a swim suit and sarong and then gift wrapped her in shimmering pink ribbon. But do we want her? The shoes are also ghastly and do not fit. Look! Her toes are hanging out…..
But the AMAs booby prize, in every sense of the word, goes to Albanian-born TV personality and singer Bleona Gereti wearing Shahla Doriz. Shahla also designs wedding dresses. For whom? Fetishists?
And the rear (and rear is the word) is even worse….
Bleona, aka the Madonna of Albania, has a new single out called Fuck You, I’m Famous. Her poor parents are so mortified by this apparel that they are barricaded inside their home refusing to come out and with good reason. “How’s your daughter Mrs Qereti?” “Oh she’s fine, she went to the AMAs with her arse out”. Memo to Shahla and Bleona. Wearing a sparkling fishing net over a white thong is not clothes.
Bleona was bad and so was actress Bai Ling attending the premiere of The Key.
Bai Ling seems to have taken the key theme rather literally around her chest and she has a rose growing out of her labia, giving a whole new meaning to Juliet’s phrase “That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet”. And the shoes are hideous. No, I’m sorry, I am going to have to go and lie down.
You know what, these are all so bad that we need a poll.
Even this week’s It’s Got To Go is appalling. Here is a range of baby clothes by Café Press, a company based in Louisville Kentucky. You can find it on the net.
These are as foul and revolting as anything WTF has ever seen. It is unnecessary to add anything save to observe that any parent who even thought about purchasing these items should instantly be made subject to an intervention by Social Services.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those top comments coming in and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and let us meet again next Friday. Be good x
Every week I post your blog on my facebook page where I have thousands of (mostly Muslim) friends, although I know that the photographs are often offensive to Muslims I post it with a warning not to look if you are easily offended plus my own comments that we should be grateful to have received guidance (Islam) on how clothing can give us dignity. This weeks cornucopia was the hardest decision -should I should I not, I am pretty sure I will get many inbox messages advising me that I should not give such photos the light of day. In Islam there are narrations from the Prophet Mohammed p.b.u.h. with signs of the end times and one of them is “when women wear clothes that are not clothes”. (Another is “when the desert bedouin compete to build high buildings” if anyone has been to Dubai or Saudi they will understand that one), but I digress. I know religion is offensive to some, so apologies in advance to your readers.
By the way what about the David Mellor/ taxi driver debacle? What a tw*t!
Another story that caught my eye in the Daily Fail today is the director of the up coming Hollywood film Exodus saying if he employed people called Mohammed to play the role of Egyptians he wouldn’t get funding, Seriously WTF ! What with Ferguson, Mellor, Plebgate and Moses a.s. compatriots being whitewashed I am starting to think that not only did feminism never happen (see dresses above) but that we obviously haven’t any where near seen an end to white supremacy either.
Finally WTF had George Osborne ingested yesterday? http://www.thedebrief.co.uk/2014/11/george-osborne-does-a-beyonc-in-the-house-of-commons#.VHhWymSsXlQ
More of a rant than a comment – I know and I apologise again for venting on your blog.
Of course you can rant on the blog! All ranting accepted.
I know it is VERY naked today but it had to be done. But is also shocking because as you say clothing should have a degree of coverage and all of it is so undignified. This has nothing to do with empowerment, on the contrary it is enslavement. And sad.
Left Mellor out for reasons of space and also because he is a has-been
Well said Laura!
One has to admire Bai Lings resourcefulness in conjuring up a whole outfit from the duct tape and rope left lying around in her dungeon.
My gripe this week is smears. Not the legs in stirrups variety but the cheffy sort. I look at a menu offering something tasty with a puree of something or other and think “ooh posh mash, I’m hungry so I’ll go for that”. And what comes? A weeny bit of veg plonked on the plate and then spread like a skid mark on a pair of boxers discarded by the loo in your local Wetherspoons. Worst of all, it tends to dry out, so any foodie loveliness has evaporated. It is wanky and it has got to go.
Chef’s are creative people with little brain, a lot of attitude and psychopathic tendencies – (perhaps from standing with their genitalia next to a hot plate all day)! I suggest you tell the waiter to inform the chef you came to his (overpriced) eaterie because you were hungry and in full expectation of being fed. What could possibly be better or more satisfying than mashed potatoes done properly? Not that you could find mashed potoatoes on any restaurant menu these days. Puree my a*se – if you wanted puree you could have gone to France or bought a jar of baby food at any Boots the chemist!
You have to admire the inventiveness of whoever ‘dressed’ that Bleona one, making a ‘dress’ out of a set of pasties and an onion bag.
I think Ann Summers sells a similar outfit for £29.99…
If I saw a baby wearing a vest with such a slogan on it I would definitely call Social Services.
When I saw Ansel, I immediately thought “Call for the Canestan!” But he is a bloke, so which category does that fall into?!
No they’d use it too. I believe it’s called “jock itch”.
Clothes/fashion reflects the prevailing economic situation. This is my observation (not scientific) based on having lived through the 70’s when we were poor and clothes were skimpy, followed by the affluent 80’s where (Thatcher sold to us what we already owned and somehow let us believe we were rich) clothes got looser with more and better materials (whilst food portions coincidentally got smaller): now we are in recession again and somehow there is never enough material around the crotch (or is it crutch) of men’s trousers? Is it a cynical attempt by the government to reduce the birthrate?