WTF Trott Special

Hallo Readers,

This week England cricketer Jonathan Trott flew home from the Ashes series in Australia shortly after the team had been hammered in the First Test at Brisbane. Trott had a torrid time and the commentators noted that something was amiss which, as it turned out, there was. It is hard enough to admit to yourself that you are too ill to go on with your job. It is harder to admit it to your colleagues. It is harder still to have your condition splashed across every newspaper across the world and discussed by everyone, everywhere. Most people were supportive and rightly so because depression is an illness and Trott is ill. But there are always those who are happy to express their ignorance and they all piped up about Trott’s repatriation. They advised him to “man up” (it seems that you can spend your life facing a little, hard ball hurtling towards you at 90 mph but not be a man) and to “pull himself together” (presuming that he had a choice in the matter, “oh I know, why don’t I sink into such a depression that I stop functioning properly, that should be fun”). Others opined that playing cricket was “not like being in the trenches” as if they had personally spent several years in Flanders during the World War One. With commendable delicacy,  the Australian paper The Telegraph splashed the headline “Trott Does a Runner”.

And then there was the smug, preening lardbucket that is Piers Morgan. Morgan is a cricket fan. He is also a world class prick. Whilst Trott was on the way home, Morgan tweeted  “Winners never quit and quitters never win”  and followed this up with “Pressure is a Messerschmitt up your arse, playing cricket is not” (an old quote from former Aussie cricketer and RAF pilot Keith Miller), “Never, ever give up” and “I realise that this may not be a popular view but we need to get back to a winning, combative mentality – fast”. At which point, Twitter rose up and told him where to shove his tweets, nicely expressed by Sir Matthew Pinsent (not all Old Etonians are bad) who tweeted “Piers Morgan is being a weapons grade bellend about Trott. …this is poisonous”. Morgan maintained that he had merely been urging England on to greater success in the next Test like some hefty Henry V at Agincourt but for someone with nearly 4 million followers to publish such nasty, ill-informed comments is both irresponsible and shameful. Suppose that Trott had been suffering from a chronic physical illness, say debilitating arthritis or something even worse. Would twitter-twats like Morgan be calling on him to man up and to pull himself together? Of course they wouldn’t. But mental illness is still a taboo, still perceived to be a weakness or an indulgence and it is time that people realised that because it could happen to anyone – even to a blustering splodge like Morgan. Meanwhile, WTF wishes Trott a speedy recovery and applauds him both as a cricketer and as a man. Well played sir….

Let us turn our attention to the week’s sartorial disasters, beginning with the International Emmy Awards 2013 where we meet former the Miss Angola and runner-up to Miss World 2007   Micaela Reis wearing not much.

Those tits are very round, very public and very squished and why a grown woman would wish to dress as Tony the Tiger is a question WTF feels unable to answer.

Tony’s motto in the Kellogg’s Frosties’ ads was “They’re Grrreat!!” Not in this case…..

We travel next to the American Music Awards. Take a peek at actress Phoebe Price wearing Christophe Guillarmé.

WTF would like to tell you what is going on here but she has simply no idea. None at all. Phoebe is dressed as one of those women in Boardwalk Empire hanging round in speakeasies and servicing Steve Buscemi. That thing on her head is a nonsense and the cartwheel Chanel earrings are plain offensive.

And here is serial offender Heidi Klum wearing Marchesa….

A mountain of moths have been chomping their way through Heidi’s dress leaving it deficient on the coverage department. Memo to Heidi. Buy some mothballs.

And finally from the AMAs, Emma Roberts wearing Lanvin.

This may be Lanvin but it is a bin bag (or as our friends across the Atlantic would say, a trash bag). WTF has one word for this dress. Rubbish.

We now call in at the Latin American Grammys where nastiness was in greater abundance than rent-boys hanging around the Rev. Paul Flowers. WTF has chosen 3 examples for your delectation, starting with Peruvian singer-songwriter, Gian Marco.

Errrm….Sid Vicious might conceivably have got away with a slashed leather jacket but it looks ridiculous on a man of 43, especially when teamed with grey pinstripe suit trousers, a shirt where the buttons are hanging on for dear life and a tiny bowtie as worn by barmitzvah boys. Dismal. 

But it gets worse. Here is Natalie Cole, looking pretty damn good for 63 but wearing a most puzzling dress.

She has bunnies’ ears growing out of her chest  like Little Red Riding Rabbit aka Bugs Bunny. WTF has rarely seen anything so silly

And worse still is to come in the shapely shape of another veteran, 62 year old singer Charo, née María del Rosario Mercedes Pilar Martínez Molina Baeza. Prepare to gasp. Loudly.

Charo was a big star on American TV in the 1970’s and her style does not seem have changed much. She looks like a Managua Madame let loose in a roomful of Christmas decorations whilst the pink sandals are an abomination.  However, respect to anyone with the confidence to flash so much flesh at her age, and further respect to her for being an expert Flamenco guitarist who took lessons as a child back in Spain from Andres Segovia.

Talking of flashing, this is Lil’ Kim showing more than anyone, even a short-sighted gynaecologist, would ever want to see. WARNING!!! Have a sickbag handy and also the phone number of a healthcare professional….

This is one of the nastiest sights of 2013. If not ever. The WTF Christmas Turkey Poll is soon upon us and this has to be a contender. There is cameltoe. There is moose-knuckle. And then there is this…. Vile.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Get busy with the comment button and we will meet again next Friday. Be good x

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3 Responses to WTF Trott Special

  1. Joyce says:

    Charo was channelling Jessica Rabbit.

  2. Laura says:

    As I scrolled down the top half of Lil Kim appeared to be a blow up sex doll, but then it got worse.

  3. Fantastic, And I am with you all the way with your intro. xx L

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