Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word Special

Hallo Readers,

This week we are back to the status quo with the rant first and the fashion disasters afterwards. It is like your parents telling you that you have to eat your greens before you can have the pudding….

That great sage and philosopher Elton John summed it up well. Sorry Always Seems to Be the Hardest Word (click on the link and sing along, it is very tuneful).  The Daily Mail has yet to apologise for its attack on the late Ralph Miliband. That is hardly surprising given that Paul Dacre would rather snuggle up to Ken Livingstone than apologise for anything to anyone. On the contrary, the paper has demanded an apology for allegations of anti-Semitism such as those expressed by WTF last week and various Jewish members of staff were wheeled out to praise the multicultural paradise in which they earn their crust. Readers needing an emetic are advised to read the article by Alex Brummer the City Editor in which he invites everyone to join him in the office and light the candles come Chanukah. Doubtless Paul Dacre will be handing round the chicken soup afterwards.  Sadly Geoffrey Levy, the author of the original article, has stayed silent.  Meanwhile,  the Neanderthals who post comments in the paper complained about the Left’s conspiracy of silence over the “revelations” that Andy Burnham, former Secretary of State for Health, had covered up NHS malpractice and suggested that attacks on the Daily Mail’s inalienable right to abuse everyone regardless of the truth were just a diversionary tactic by other people  who hate Britain to protect Andy’s iniquity.

The allegations in question were made in a tweet by Jeremy Hunt, Burnham’s successor. Readers may recall that Hunt once suffered the ignominy of  being called Jeremy C**t by a newsreader and by James Naughtie on the Today Programme. As a Spoonerism of course. Hunt (spelling?), one of those weasel-faced men straight off the Tory production line, tweeted of “shocking revelations on Andy Burnham’s attempts to cover up failing hospitals”. Burnham understandably demanded a retraction and when one was not forthcoming, he instructed M’Learned Friends to threaten to sue Hunt unless he apologised. Hunt then wrote to him along the lines of “When I referred to your attempts to cover up failing hospitals, I did not mean to imply that you were responsible for attempts to cover up anything whatsoever, not even of any kind. You seep integrity from every pore and I have heard that you are fond of kittens. What I meant to say but I only had 140 characters, it being a tweet and everything, was that you created a culture where the NHS and the NHS watchdog covered everything up. Under the Tories it won’t happen any more. Er, that’s it. Please don’t sue me. Thanks and kind regards…”

You do not have to work at Carter-Fuck to know that the meaning of the words “Andy Burnham’s attempts to cover up failing hospitals” is that Andy Burnham made attempts to cover up failing hospitals, not that some other bugger did it. So not only was the tweet nonsense but the explanation for the  tweet was nonsense and Hunt has not apologised for either. He also had the temerity to say that he was “very surprised” that M’Learned Friends had been called in. Considering that it had been threatened all week, this means that he is as thick as he is obdurate.

Now this does not come close to Tony Blair dragging us into the Iraq war. But when politicians wonder why the public revile them, episodes like this are instructive. Hunt made an allegation, it spread like wildfire and when it turned out to be bollocks, rather than acknowledging that it was bollocks, he set about performing more twirls and side-shuffles than Fred Astaire and thinks that no one will notice.  No doubt some minion in his office will be sacrificed and will do the walk of shame out of the building carrying a cardboard box with his belongings, an Argos gift voucher for £50 and a card from Jeremy saying that he will miss him…

Right, you lot who only like the pictures can tune back in whilst we examine some fashion disasters, starting with singer Marcus Mumford

WTF had no idea that Marcus had taken up acting and was set to appear in Dallas. Not that you need to take up acting to appear in Dallas. Presumably this is why he is wearing that huge belt buckle. WTF advises Marcus to swap the fedora for a stetson and to polish his shoes before next venturing out to the next Oil Barons’ Ball.

Next we have Jennifer Lopez in Zuhair Murad.

Out on a ramble with youthful beau Caspar Smart, Jennifer seems to have become entangled in barbed wire. Unable to untangle herself before attending the Human Rights Campaign Gala, she asked Zuhair to drape some velvet over her bits and call it couture. WTF is forced to observe that the result is  a little tight over the hips……..

This year the Scottish Fashion Awards came to London. Now WTF knows that her good friend Yvonne Ridley will seize upon whatever is written to call for Scottish Independence but it has to be said that there were some serious horrors on show, the worst of which was 15 year old singer Tallia Storm.

At last year’s events Tallia, whose mum Tessa Hartmann is the founder of the Awards, wore a tablecloth over a bustle and a cottage loaf on her head . This year, she is sporting this shiny spacesuit cum kilt worn with a Casanova hat. The whole thing is beyond frightful. Anyway, shouldn’t she be doing her homework? 

To the Pride of Britain Awards in London where people who have done something really admirable and brave in their lives get to hobnob with Z-list celebrities on prime time television. Like former Pussycat Doll Kimberley Wyatt wearing Julien Macdonald.

Have you noticed how often Julien’s dresses appear in these pages? There is  a reason for that…. In Kimberley’s case, it is as if someone has just stopped sewing with the result that she looks like she has fallen into the remnants basket. As for the shoes, her toes runneth over….

Pixie Lott was at the same event wearing a creation by Yuvna Kim.

 If there is one thing worse than Minge Moment of the week, it is faux-Minge Moment of the week. I mean, it is plain dishonest. Either give us a Minge Moment or don’t but make your mind up and stick to it. As Lady Bracknell remarked, this shilly-shallying with the question is absurd. At first glance, it seems that Pixie’s modesty is preserved only by a fig leaf of mould spores…

Then you catch sight of Pixie from the back and it transpires that she is wearing a leotard under the mould spores…

Now there are several points to be made here. One, this is so not a dress. Two, whatever it is, it is horrid. And three, WTF is fed up to the back teeth with this see-through thing and just wants it to be over….

How swiftly things can change! Before yesterday WTF had never heard of Bobby Trendy and now she cannot imagine life without him because he must be one of the silliest people she ever did see in her life.

For those of you asking “who the fuck is Bobby Trendy?” the answer is that he is an interior designer and American TV personality. Whether he is né Trendy, WTF cannot say but she can say that he is about to star in a series with that luminary of showbiz and Readers’ favourite Courtney Stodden and if that is not the definition of a must-see, WTF does not know what is. As for his attire, it is hard to know where to start. The pose indicates that he is having trouble controlling his urethra, the boots were last seen on Daphne Guinness and the jacket with padded shoulders makes him look like an oversized urn. Meanwhile, WTF is loathe to criticise anyone but it has to be said that he does seem to have overdone the lip-filler.

OJ Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good and don’t forget to comment as it brings cheer into my life…. x

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6 Responses to Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word Special

  1. Justin says:

    Yes, i know i can going to sound like an idiot but…I absolutely love your column! Its one of the best things on the internet. Your political insights are full of delicious rage and spot on. Keep up the good work!

  2. Did Kimberley Wyatt run out of fake tan when she reached her left knee? Or was she just trying to distract us from the horrorshow of the “dress”?

  3. Please forgive a carp – well, it’s traditional… I thought Jennifer Lopez looked lovely. Tight across the hips suits her. Auf mir gezugt. And although I am as ever out of time, can I say that I preferred dessert first? WTF fashion disasters are a meal in one. The political veggies could drop off the front completely, IMHO, and I wouldn’t miss them. If I wanted to read the Grauniad, I’d subscribe to it.
    But as a minority reader, I will accept that I may continue to have to get over to the windows before I can see the curtains.

  4. Belle says:

    At least La Lopez wasn’t wearing fur, although it would be interesting to see her try to sit down in that dress. Do you think Kimberley Wyatt realises she’s only done one half of one leg and a bit of decollete with the fake bake?

  5. So much to say. 

    1. I’m afraid that the philosopher behind “Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word” was Elton John’s long time lyricist, the brilliant Bernie Taupin. Elton just wrote the music. Which is rather like complaining that Mozart didn’t write the words to “Die Zauberflote”.
    2. You have The Daily Mail. We have Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News. We all have our crosses to bear. 
    3. Marcus Mumford’s outfit brought back the story of a prominent Texas politician some decades ago who commented on a New York Times reporter’s attempt to dress like a cowboy. “His pants are so tight he’ll blow his boots off when he farts.”
    BTW. By Texas standards, that is not a big belt buckle. 
    4. Why is Tallia Storm wearing that odd looking blindfold?
    5. Okay, I don’t keep up with American TV celebrities, but I don’t think that Bobby Trendy is one. But if he is you can have him. What have you got to trade? How about a spare prince and a duchess or two. 

  6. SueP says:

    Jennifer Lopez really should get something done about those thread veins. Kimberley Wyatt seems to have forgotten to do both feet and the bottom half of her left leg. As for the cross legged pillock in the sparkly jacket and platform boots…….oh I can’t be bothered.

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