We will get to the winner of the WTF Summer Stinker Poll at the end of this post. But first, the rant and then the sartorial disasters of the week….
This week Australia’s first woman Prime Minister Julia Gillard bit the dust, politically speaking, to be replaced by Kevin Rudd, the man she herself ousted 3 years ago. She knifed him and now he’s knifed her back. Julia was far from perfect. Her policies flip-flopped and her terrible accent sounded like nails down a blackboard. But the economy is doing OK (George and Call-Me-Dave would flog their grannies for such success), unemployment is low and there have been undoubted social successes. The problem for Julia was sadly insuperable. She didn’t have a husband. She didn’t have a child. And she didn’t have a dick. Game over.
Even before she became PM, Julia had to put up with abject chauvinist abuse from her political opponents, routinely called a “witch” and a “bitch”, attacked for being “deliberately barren” and for living with her partner (aka the First Bloke). A Liberal Party fundraising dinner earlier this year had “Julia Gillard Kentucky Fried Quail” on the menu – “small breasts, huge thighs and a big red box”. Imagine a joke about Rudd based on his member… It would never happen. And then of course there was the shock-jock who suggested to her that the First Bloke must be gay because he used to be a hairdresser. Oh my aching sides….
This month, scientists gathered in London to discuss why the Neanderthals died out 12,000 years ago. The answer is that they did not die out at all, they just migrated to Canberra. The Leader of the Opposition, the vile Tony Abbott, once said that “it would be folly to expect that women will ever dominate or even approach equal representation in a large number of areas simply because their aptitudes, abilities and interests are different for physiological reasons”. Tony does not have much time for women, having once started a speech with “what the housewives of Australia need to understand as they do their ironing is that…”. So it would not have mattered if Julia had reduced inflation to 0% and won the Nobel Peace Prize – she had a womb and she hadn’t even made proper use of it…
However, just as Rick and Ilsa in Casablanca will always have Paris, we will always have Julia’s speech in which she castigated the smirking Abbott for his misogyny. Click on the link and enjoy…….. Not that the sanctimonious Rudd is any better than Abbott. They both insist on shoving their Christian family life down the Nation’s throat although both seem to have ignored the bit in the Bible about not behaving like a prick. Never was there such a temptation to write FUCK YOU ALL on the ballot paper. As Dr Johnson once remarked, “Sir, there is no settling the point of precedency between a flea and a louse”.
To the week’s fashion disasters, starting with Girls’ actress Zosia Mamet at the première of The Heat.
Now WTF suspects you are asking yourself “what happened to her skirt?” and for that matter “what happened to her makeup and hairbrush?” Both are good questions. It would appear that Zosia fell asleep on the sofa in her tee-shirt and then had to rush out to the limo, pausing only to slip on her shoes. Which, by the way, are foul as are the foot tattoos.
WTF loathes tattoos but hates a foot tattoo above all things. The whole look is skanky, manky and ugly. In other words, WTF is not a fan. Note to Zosia. Go shopping.
And now to one of WTF’s favourite Z-listers, Brandi Glanville, taking up oxygen which could be used for more valuable purposes.
Those hideous sandals are wound about her stick-like little limbs like poison ivy round a couple of maypoles. One can only marvel that Morris Men are not dancing around her. Meanwhile, not content with feuding with no-mark ex-husband Eddie Cibrian and his second wife LeAnn Rimes, Brandi has now got the hump with talk show host John Kerwin, whom she once dated for about 5 minutes. John complained that Brandi hadn’t told him that she carried the HPV virus and that although they had got “frisky”, he had turned her down. Brandi waxed indignant at this lack of gallantry although it must be said that John only learned about the HPV (she claimed to have caught it from Eddie) on reading her recently published memoirs. WTF had previously thought that HPV was some sort of heavy goods vehicle and is now struggling to understand the various moral imperatives and questions of etiquette involved here….
Yes, Miley Cyrus is back, but honestly…..just look at this.
US citizens eating their breakfast and watching Good Morning America were exposed to Miley wearing a nappy, sparkling crop top and thigh-high Louboutins like a cross between a lamb’s arse and a Tribeca tart. The National infarction rate trebled there and then. Frankly WTF has grown tired of Miley’s silly outfits. We get it, love. Your engagement is off and your parents are getting a divorce. You’re upset. Just go away.
And now for a new feature The Minge Moment of the Week brought to you in the shape of Rita Ora wearing Natalia Kaut.
It’s peekaboo. It’s leather. It’s got pointy, moulded tits like the Valkyrie. It’s got a yoni-shaped thing in front of her lady areas. It’s ghastly.
More designer nonsense, this time the excellent Maggie Gyllenhaal wearing Christian Dior.
Some things are just inexplicable. The Bermuda Triangle. The continuing employment of Sir Bruce Forsyth. The Kardashians. The fact that one of the World’s Leading Fashion Houses has designed a giant tea cosy with a built-in muff-ruff. And the fact that Maggie agreed to wear it.
Readers of a nervous disposition should now avert their eyes as something very nasty is about to confront you. Here is Mickey Rourke emerging from his posh hotel in London. The doorman’s expression says it all.
Fucking hell. I mean, what other response can there be? Mickey merits inclusion just for the hat which resembles an old sock but also for the fact that his sunglasses are worn OVER the hat and not under it. Admittedly Mickey has had an awful lot of plastic surgery but has he done a Van Gogh and cut off his ears? Neck to waist is acceptable but then we get to the paisley trousers with dark patches which make him appear to have pissed himself – although to look on the bright side, maybe it was with laughter on seeing himself in a mirror. That is, if he has a mirror. Which, by the look of it, he does not. If you saw Mickey sleeping in a doorway in a cardboard box, you would feel sorry for the box.
And now….drum-roll…….THE WINNER OF THE WTF SUMMER STINKER POLL IS….
WTF would have put her house deeds on Emanuelle Seigner but fortunately she did not as Nadine romped home with 21% of the vote beating Erica Mena into 2nd place. Clearly Readers felt that the combination of Nadine’s minge and that shocking seam over rounded thighs was just not on. And they have a point.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday and in the meantime, keep those excellent comments coming and be good. x
Dear WTF, Rudd is married, has kiddywinks and, we suppose, a family extension but still got knifed 3 years and 5 days ago by a dickless, childless unmarried partner of a hairdresser…yes, you might well say WTF! Keith of HK
Excellent commentary on the Australian political happenings. Possibly I am becoming desensitised to shocking outfits because this week some of the wearers strange body shapes caught my attention more than what they were actually wearing. We should be grateful that He in His infinite wisdom created us all different, but is Brandi in her natural state? The combo of bulging stomach and legs like a Biafran circa the 70’s just doesn’t seem right. Nadine’s pic reminded me of an article in the Mail about ‘Mums to be’ who have a wax, blow dry and fulll make up before the delivery so as to look good on the first photo,taken just seconds after the birth. I am perplexed as to why any person who just gave birth would want the world to see her waxed bits! I really fear these minge moment dresses might be the portent of the imminent erosion of the last taboo and soon celebs will be sharing their plastic surgeons handiwork on their recently primped “designer vaginas” or their obstetricians suturing skills! Debuting new boob jobs seemed to me to be terribly tacky but things look set to degenerate further. W.T.F. please would you be able to offer us any wise thoughts ?
You are right about Brandi because that is not a natural body shape. Celebs have to conform to a style and end up looking, literally, famished. As for waxing, as my posts show, there no taboos left. Sigh
Australian Political article the best. Forwarding to my feminist friends in Melbourne to get you feedback from down under- hopefully
Didn’t agree with the politics but her presence highlighted the rampant mysogeny in the Australian Parliament and Media.
So much for criticising other countries for the lack of women in their political system.
oh and yey! for winner of the poll, if yey be the right word!
Im going to skip the politicscand go right to the core of it. Maggie Gyllenhaal paragraph, one of the best to date. Simple but hilarious. She did look awful. As for the Summer poll, slightly disappointed the “orange outfit” didnt win but in all fairness you had to adjust your eyesight to avoid being blinded by the “orangeness”!!!