wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

When WTF went to bed last night just before midnight, the pundits and psephologists on TV were telling her that the Makerfield byelection was ‘close’. When the alarm rudely awoke her at 6:45 this morning (she set it early just for you, lovely Readers, and yes, WTF considers 6:45 am to be not just early, but downright uncivilised), she learned that Andy Burham had smashed it with 55% of the vote. Reform UK’s Robert Kenyon, a sexist oaf, came second, and the woman from Restore Britain, the organisation that makes Reform look like the Migrants’ Welcome Association, came a poor third. Richard Tice, Reform’s horrible Deputy Leader, tried to pass off the result as wholly expected, given that  Reform was the “underdog”, despite the fact that it had routed Labour in the local elections only a few weeks ago. But then, he would say that, wouldn’t he? He also claimed that Reform voters had voted for Burnham to get rid of Starmer, although why they would contrive to get someone in who would appear, on the face of it, to be more electable and more popular remains unclear, like so much else about Reform, other than they are disgusting, racist and stuffed with Tory has-beens and unsavoury nutters various.

So where does this leave our elected Prime Minister, the man who won a crushing victory two years ago? The answer appears to be that he is up shit creek without a paddle, and with a very leaky canoe. He is extremely unpoular, his approval numbers so deep underwater that divers are required to retrieve it. The flip-flops, prevarications and sheer ponderousness of the man have alienated the electorate. WTF heard an MP on the Today Programme just now who said that people were fed up with thorough and thoughtful, and wanted speed instead.  Whatever that means. Speed to do what? WTF is still waiting for Burnham (and Where’s Streeting, for that matter), to tell her exactly what is going to be different after the removal vans have ferried Starmer back to Kentish Town and installed the new incumbent into No 10.  Hope is all very well and good, but it is not a policy. Will he re-join the EU? Will he continue to support Ukraine? Will he up the defence budget, and if so, by how much? Will he still pursue Net Zero? Will he tell the Rancid Kumquat to take a running jump? Will he cut social security? Will he spend more on the NHS? It would be awfully nice to know. We voted for “hope” in 2024, and look where that got us. Stop waffling on about “hope” and start translating it into policy. 

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We start our review of the week’s ridiculous rags with actor Sarah Pidgeon (Carolyn Bessette Kennedy in Love Story) at a posh do in the Hamptons, wearing Loewe.

Sarah is lovely, but the dress is not. WTF can only surmise that she got out of the shower and realised that she had nothing to wear; she therefore wrapped a tasselled waffle towel around her, popped on a pair of peeptoes and headed out insouciantly to sip champagne. Extra minus points for the fake tan foot blotch, like a palomino pony.

 

Next we are at the Tony Awards in New York, where we meet actor and Broadway sensation, Cole Escola, wearing Christopher John Rogers.

Er….they are currently taking London by storm as First Lady Mary Lincoln. However, it must be observed that this is a deeply confusing garment, the sort of thing designed to be worn by a malevolent clown. What has happened to their hands? Not to mention the lower part of their legs, which seem to have gone AWOL? And WHAT is that bow? It is enough to give you coulrophobia, defined as “a specific phobic disorder that causes anxiety, a racing heart, nausea and profuse sweating.  Some people need exposure therapy, a type of psychotherapy, to help manage their reactions to clowns and clown images.” WTF included.

 

Now we are in London for the Royal Academy of the Arts’ Summer Party. Meet singer Jessie Ware wearing…something.

She is wearing a picnic tablecloth retrieved after a marauding bear had unexpectedly ruined the lunch and wrought terrible damage on the diners – and the comestibles….

 

Another guest at the Royal Academy was model and artist Tali Lennox (daughter of singer Annie), wearing Viktor Gichev.

Has the poor girl been crying? Mind you, who could possibly blame her, when she was forced to walk around coram publico in her scanties and a chiffon sheet, plaits like Pochontas, a dead mink on her shoulder and a macramé basket around her neck?

 

To Los Angeles, and the launch of the third series of the Game of Thrones spinoff, House of the Dragon. Here’s hoping that this series is an improvement on the second one, which was a steaming pile of poo that stuttered to a non-ending. This is one of its stars, actor Gayle Rankin, wearing Ffome.

That is a very bad case of untamed pubes…. and no, you are not getting a picture.

We are back in New York and on the set of The Tonight Show. Jimmy Fallon’s guest was actor John Cena, wearing something frightful.

If a plum has sex with a City Slicker, this is what their offspring would look like. 

 

Still in New York, we come upon singer Rosalía, wearing not a lot.

And if a condom had sex with a Mexican gunslinger in a tutu, this is what their offspring would look like. Yurgle…

And finally, we are at the US Opening Ceremony for the World Cup in New Jersey. So far, the Rancid Kumquat has stayed away, but he plans to gatecrash the Final and hoist the Trophy aloft. It is gold and so he will probably want to keep it. If England win, WTF hopes that Harry Kane will give him a Harry-special kick in the shins. Anyway, one of the performing artistes was singer Katy Perry, wearing Stella McCartney. 

Stella’s stuff is expensive. Katy could have saved herself a fortune by popping over to Etsy and buying this giant lampshade instead for a mere £19. 99.

 

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Jane from Mayfair, who is horrified at the roadsign erected in Bruton Street, W1, to note the birthplace of  the then Princess Elizabeth, later Queen Elizabeth. The City of Westminster has gone for a royal blue background and white lettering instead of the usual white background and black lettering. It has further added putrid florals, the royal crest in gold and non-matching fonts.

The house in question (which belonged to her maternal grandparents, the Earl and Countess of Strathmore), was demolished in 1937; and, in any event, the baby Princess and her doting parents (then the Duke and Duchess of York), moved to a large house in Piccadilly only a few months after she was born. Jane is aghast both at the vulgarity of the design and the unnecessary expense. She is right. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got to Go, and do not stint on the comments either. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x