wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

 

Just thank your lucky stars that you are not Sir Keir Starmer. Two weeks ago, Angela Rayner, his Deputy Prime Minister and Secretary of State for Housing, was forced to resign over unpaid stamp duty on her gracious new home in Hove. Last week Lord Mandelson, His Majesty’s Ambassador to Washington, was given the heave-ho for failing to disclose a cache of letters between himself and serial paedophile Jeffrey Epstein in which Mandy – who never met a millionaire he didn’t love – billed and cooed and described his pal as the victim of a miscarriage of justice. On Saturday, Elon Musk – by video- called upon the Brits to rise up and overthrow the Government. And this week, Starmer had to welcome President 47 and his fragrant wife on a State Visit where he spent a day at Windsor Castle and a day at Chequers. The entourage included 47’s second daughter by his second marriage and her husband, a raft of 47’s Cabinet ministers and a torrent of tycoons here to talk tech. That is three weeks’ worth of woe with an extra helping of woe. And the weatherman says there is more to come.

47 lapped it all up. Why would he not? He loves royalty, a festoon of gold frogging, and a military parade. He described himself and King Charles as ‘friends’, although the famously fastidious monarch must be repulsed by this vulgarian, the colour of a rancid kumquat, with whom he had to spend 24 painful hours. One suspects that he would rather have undergone a barbed wire enema. But he was all charm and dignity, gave his guests a splendid dinner, and slipped in a public plea to support Ukraine. The next morning, having fed 47 bacon and eggs (all organic, of course), he waved him off and doubtless breathed a sigh of relief as he closed the door.

But while 47 celebrated freedom over here, back home in the Land of the Brave and the Home of the Free, freedom of speech was starting to slip away. The murder of Charlie Kirk has allowed the regime the chance to kick their enemy where it hurts. It has demanded that Radical Left Lunatics must be incarcerated. Radical Left Organisations must be banned, even if, like Antifa, they do not exist as an organised group. If you do not rend your garments and instead quote Kirk verbatim, the Vice President and the Attorney General say that you deserve to lose your job and, possibly, incarceration. American citizens are encouraged to report anyone who says anything mean about the deceased. Jimmy Kimmel is one of the most successful comedians and late-night talk show hosts in America. After the MAGAman in charge of licencing broadcasters suggested that ABC should drop Kimmel – ‘we can do this the hard way or the easy way’ – ABC promptly dropped Kimmel. Why? Purportedly, Kimmel had pointed out how MAGA was blaming the Radical Left for the murder and he had mocked 47’s response to a question about Kirk’s death (which was to change the subject immediately to the gilded $250m ballroom he is building at the White House). The company that has many ABC local affiliates is in talks for a merger which will need official approval and knew better than to cross its boss and his boss, namely 47. On the plane home from the UK, 47 told the Press Corps that it was possible that TV licences for broadcasters could be withheld over the negative coverage of him by comedians and chat show hosts, but who knows how far that might go? Last week, he described hate speech, a concept that does not exist under the First Amendment, as anything that was mean about him. He will continue to bully the press into compliance, just as he is bullying law firms and universities and arts centres and museums into compliance, because in the end, if you are not for him, then you are against him, and if you are against him, you’re fucked. This was the man over whom we had to fawn, and with whom we apparently have a special relationship. How sickening.

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We start our review of the fortnight’s frightful finery with two pairs of buttocks on display. First, actor Dakota Johnson’s at the Fourth Kering Foundation Caring for Women Gala in New York. She is wearing Gucci. If wearing is the right word. Which it manifestly is not.

This is not a dress. It just isn’t. And it has ugly seams like Frankenstein’s scars. And you can see her undies. And her bum. 

 

And here are actor Margot Robbie’s. She is wearing Armani at the London premiere of her new movie Big Bold Beautiful Journey.

Unlike Dakota, we have a spangly Minge Moment panel, side boobs and, of course, the inevitable arsecheeks. 

WTF is unsure if she is wearing a thong with a teeny tiny triangle, or whether it is part of the dress. Either way, it is vulgar. It is worth noting that her co-star Colin Farrell was not baring his butt-cheeks on the Red Carpet. He was not even showing his chest. Instead he was snuggled into a shirt, tie, suit and a Burberry raincoat. None of the other men present were baring their butt-cheeks either. But Margot was. Why is that, do you suppose?

Now to the launch of a new Netflix series, Wayward, starring actor Toni Collette wearing Zimmerman.

She looks as if there has been an explosion in a blacmange factory and that butterflies are nestling in the remains. However, credit to her for continuing to smile. What a trooper! Anyone else would have run screaming to the ladies and barricaded herself in.

 

To LA and the Emmys,  the US TV awards, where we find The White Lotus’s Parker Posey wearing custom Valentino.

Custom? Custom what? Custom toilet roll doll, or, as our Aussie friends like to say, dunny dolly? And the sheer cape is as much use as tits on a fish.

 

Also in attendance was actor Alan Cumming, wearing Tanner Fletcher. 

If Mickey Mouse went to a fancy dress party as a circus ringmaster, this is what he would look like.

 

Next up, country singer Lainey Wilson wearing Zuhair Murad.

She appears to have a couple of crystal wedding columns on her legs, complete with a semi-circular Minge Panel, a belly-button badge and a flowing net curtain. The only thing that makes sense is the stetson.

 

And here is actor Timothy Simons, (the rabbi’s brother in Nobody Wants This) wearing Brooks Bros.

Nobody would want this, because it’s putrid. Those shorts are downright offensive. Not only do they have a bad case of elephant vagina syndrome, but they seem to have been rolled up, as if Timothy had been rescuing ladies in distress in a flooded subway tunnel.

 

Here is actor Sarah Paulson, wearing Marc Jacobs.

For some reason, Sarah is dressed as Hoots the Owl. Meanwhile, whoever did her makeup and parted her hair like George Eliot deserves a slap, a P45 and another slap.

 And finally from the Emmys, this is self-described Italian fashion globetrotter Ildo Damiano.

Do Ildo and Sarah know each other? Because it seems a bit of a coincidence that she came as Hoots and he came as Miss Piggy.

And now to Windsor Castle and the State Visit. Melania gave every psychotherapist an orgasm by wearing a ridiculous purple hat that covered most of her face and a charcoal stormtrooper Christian Dior suit, like Hitler’s receptionist at Berchtesgaden. 

Like the Randy Newman Song, she decided that she could leave her hat on, even indoors. When she was looking downwards, she just seemed to have a hat  balanced on her shoulders.

Come the evening, 47 doubled up on the panstick but forgot his neck. And the bit around his ear.

Foundation is supposed to be the same colour as your skin tone, so that it blends with your neck. And everyone knows that you cannot extend the foundation down your neck because then it gets on your collar. So what we have here is a massive tide mark. No wonder the visitors brought their own bed linen (one set for her, one for him) to the UK. Imagine the orange stains on the pillows. There is not enough Vanish in the world to get rid of it. As for Melania, she inexplicably wore this yellow off-the-shoulder-sheath with a pink belt by Carolina Herrera.

Like a banana with a bow. It should also be noted that were she to lean any further away from him, she would topple over.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. It’s Got To Go has had to go this week for reasons of space, but please keep those suggestions coming in, as well as your general comments because WTF pines when there aren’t any. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.